[Zelig]

Hi,
This is not a song of mine, but my nephew’s. I  played the bass and the piano but it’s his song and he sings and plays the guitar solo. He’s 18 and his native language is French.What do you think? Honest feedback about anything from comprehensibility to musical choices would be really useful. Thanks!

http://www.myspace.com/anteveine/music/songs/The-Fall-50973565

The Fall

Catch me if I fall
I’m losing all.
Blind things holding her hand
I hope the time
Will go away
I hope the time
Will take me on his way

My heart’s a tear
I wanna go
Nothing left behind me
Nothing left, but cry

I wanna cry but I’ve no tears
It feels so cold inside

I hope the time will go away
I hope the time will take me on its way
My heart’s a tear
I wanna go
Nothing left behind me
Nothing left, but cry

Can noone hear me
Can noone see me
Just watch me fall

Can noone feel me
Can noone heal me
Just watch me fall

Silence hit me
Black hole hit me
Silence hit me
Just watch me fall http://

[Dutchbeat]

dear Zelig

beautiful!

chillling, and very beautiful
till about 1.49 it is terrific!

from there it is great too, but also very minimalistic (the way the instruments are played)
perhaps go for something more there (full piano chords?)
fulll out

and then fron 3.47 onwards back to this chilling sound

but extremely well done
very exciting!

compliments to your nephew

[Zelig]

Thanks Dutchbeat,
Full piano chords? Well I play the piano like I write on my keyboard computer - with two fingers. 
I will forward your compliments.

[Schavuitje]

This is right up my street!
Dischord and an almost avant garde feel.
Really takes you an a trip and I love that

If could offer any constructive criticism it would be to do with the vocals. I understand the feel of the song but even so the vocals are out of tune in some parts, even though I know you are going for a very free and loose sound vocaly. They just stray too far out of key sometimes.
A bit more polish on the vocals but this is great.
I'm gonna have another listen.

[Zelig]

«Out of tune»? I don’t hear that but you know, he’s my nephew so everything he sings is like heaven to me . So maybe I don’t realise. Thanks for telling me.
But I agree, he should polish the vocals.
And thanks a lot for the nice compliments. 

[Schavuitje]

Hi again

I love the song. Your nephew is obviously quite talented with a great feel
His vocals are good too. I really like the obscure melody. I just had a listen again and I think it is around 1:06 or 1:07 that I'm hearing it.

It doesn't take anything away from the overall beauty of this piece though.

I'd really like to hear more

[Paul]

Hi Zelig,

This is a very difficult song for me to critique.  Whilst it is interesting, it's so different to what I would usually listen to and I therefore struggle to compare it with similar tunes.  I like the minimal approach that the song has embraced. The music is well played and I can see how it would appeal to many.  I think it could possibly be placed in certain films.  I think it would be an ideal song for a film like Betty Blue.

Well done,

Paul

[Zelig]

Thanks Schavuijtje for checking once again and telling me details. You've been very helpful.

Thanks Pablo. "Betty Blue"...Flattering compliment!

[tone]

Wow

I have the reverse opinion of Dutchbeat. Until 1.47 I find it too disjointed - the rhythm more than the melody. I love the tension in the semitones. But when the full arrangement kicks in, the atmosphere is beautifully captured. I would carry on playing the piano with two fingers if this is the result.
From a songwriting perspective, it's very hard to say. Because the song relies so much on the atmosphere of the performance and arrangement, if you stripped it down, I'm not sure what you'd have left. But that's not really the point. The point is your nephew is a brave and talented young man!
Thanks for sharing

[miniking]

I must say I whole heartedly agree with Tone. The beginning was a touch disjointed but very good none-the-less. I was just thinking there would be no pay off and then around 1:50 it came and it was nice. I like the chord progression, very minor-harmonic, very dissonant, I like the chromatic accidentals. Overall, very good. This song has in abundance, what most songs are lacking on this forum and for that I trumpet it. I agree with Tone about the disjointed start and how the feel and mood of the song carry it. I enjoyed listening to a very interesting and accomplished piece of music and I won't forget this quickly. 

[Zelig]

Miniking and tone, thank you so much for your compliments. It means a lot!
I really can't play the piano, which is why I tried something different. I know that what I played is weird and almost unacceptable to an actual pianist. (Dutchbeat was not the only one who said that to me) but I liked it and was happy with the result. Now, thanks to you, Tone ,I know I can be a good bad pianist.

[tone]

Haha we can be good bad pianists together then!

[Bad Robot]

I am really impressed with this I love the haunting feel, I think you have a very unique style, The only thing I could say is it reminds me of Japan an early eighties band, who had a song out called Ghost if I recall correctly. I really like the way you play inside various time signatures, Its something I like to do, but perhaps I am a little more mainstream in my approach. I cant really fault you, you obviously have a clear vision of the direction you want to go in. Looking forward to hearing more, you've certainly got my attention...Great stuff

[Zelig]

Thanks a lot, Bad Robot!

[Mellowh]

One of the things I've really enjoyed about checking out this site is that it has re-introduced me to a wider range of music. Over the years my listening repetoire has sub-conciously narrowed. This was a joy, such a Spooky number. It would have been very easy to have been put off after listening to the first couple of lines because I was thinking 'what the f876 is this?' and then I looked at the 5 minutes running time and thinking 'this is going to be a long 5 minutes' then it drew me in. I love the way the instruments are used throughout the song, beautiful dischordance. In terms of the vocals; I think they work so well. I've read some of the previous comments about polishing but to me something might get lost. Perfection is dull.