[The Corsair]

And one of them is the environment. My songs have, in recent weeks, begun to get very politically charged. My most recent work before this (which was far from my best) was about the Occupy Movement based on my experiences of it, first-hand or otherwise.

Anyway, I hope the message of this song is evident.

A Funeral Or A Fanfare

God can see the earth
And he's rolling in his grave
Pray all you want
But he will never save

So run to the hills
Or climb up a tree
But neither will be high enough
To beat the rising sea

Some will fall back on protocol
And some will rethink the rules
But neither party has a clue
That all of them are fools

There's nothing like some history
To lead us to despair
We've repeated ourselves so many times
That we're beyond repair

So put your faith in science
Or in the high divine
But know that I put faith in people
And soon I'd lost mine

But there's an angel on all our shoulders
And a friends steady arm to hold us
So get off the ground and link up your arms
The churches, the labs, the factories, the farms

We will never fix this
So it's about fucking time we built from scratch

We're more than pawns
We know we are
We're not just jobs
And homes and cars

So have your wedding
And have your kids
But don't you dare
Shut your eyelids

Stay awake
There is no rest
Until we've done
Our actual best

And at the end
We'll drop the shield
And hope to see
The open fields

We will never fix this
So it's about fucking time we built from scratch

[Sellon]

''We will never fix this
So it's about fucking time we built from scratch''
ok so that's my favorite line...

now...I like the message, as you say, it's real good, and clear, which is a good thing because people need to understand what the song would be about or is about, or it's not a good song, i like the rhymes they fit in really well, the flow of the song goes amazing in my head, all in all, decent song, i like it and the meaning, god job.

[Kafla]

Some really outstanding lines Corsair

Verses 2 & 5 as well as the verse that begins so have your wedding are world class, absolutely stunning

I still think when you come to putting this to music it's going to be far to long - all your songs are going to be 10 minute epics and the swearing to me is totally out of context with the sometimes beautiful lyrics - it doesn't seem that angry a song - more sorrowful then you have this FUCKING coming in

My advice would be to condense your lyrics , this would also make the theme(s) more open to interpretation ( always a good thing)

Build it round the 3 verses I have said and you have a cracking song lyric  

[The Corsair]

Some really outstanding lines Corsair

Verses 2 & 5 as well as the verse that begins so have your wedding are world class, absolutely stunning

I still think when you come to putting this to music it's going to be far to long - all your songs are going to be 10 minute epics and the swearing to me is totally out of context with the sometimes beautiful lyrics - it doesn't seem that angry a song - more sorrowful then you have this FUCKING coming in

My advice would be to condense your lyrics , this would also make the theme(s) more open to interpretation ( always a good thing)

Build it round the 3 verses I have said and you have a cracking song lyric  

I actually find myself disagreeing entirely with your feedback (which in a sense defeats the purpose of feedback...)
The time and thought is of course appreciated nonetheless Kafla

It's actually quite fast tempo-wise (almost to the point where it sounds like rap) so it only comes to a couple of minutes. All my songs clock in between 3 and 6 minutes so I'm not too worried about the '10 minute epic' occurring (noth that I'd complain if it did...)
The swearing is because I love songs contrasting message with sound and tried the suit on myself.
The last thing I want is for this to be too open to interpretation. The message here is one that I support fully and instead of this being a song that people can emotionally relate to and whatnot I want it to be a song that inspires people to hopefully make some sort of change in their life to be more 'green'.


I feel quite bad now, as though I've haughtily brushed off your suggestions. Sorry...

[Kafla]

My apologies mate - I never realised you are a rapper

Seriously I think it's good you have the confidence and belief to stand firm on your beliefs - the acid test will now be what your compositions sound like fully produced , arranged and recorded.

Best wishes 

[The Corsair]

My apologies mate - I never realised you are a rapper

Seriously I think it's good you have the confidence and belief to stand firm on your beliefs - the acid test will now be what your compositions sound like fully produced , arranged and recorded.

Best wishes 

I didn't realise I was either...

My laptop arrives in a few days and it has a built in microphone so expect a provisional recording soon (unaccompanied, it reads like a poem in a lot of ways)

Woah, I just realised how exciting that is. It has a built-in microphone. I can actually record things!

[nooms]

corsair,
im with you on these words,
look forward to the song..
nooms
 

[Ramshackles]

Some really outstanding lines Corsair

Verses 2 & 5 as well as the verse that begins so have your wedding are world class, absolutely stunning

I still think when you come to putting this to music it's going to be far to long - all your songs are going to be 10 minute epics and the swearing to me is totally out of context with the sometimes beautiful lyrics - it doesn't seem that angry a song - more sorrowful then you have this FUCKING coming in

My advice would be to condense your lyrics , this would also make the theme(s) more open to interpretation ( always a good thing)

Build it round the 3 verses I have said and you have a cracking song lyric  

Mostly agree. For kicks and giggles I set the first 3 verses to music last night...maybe I'll post it later . It's fairly easy to set to music, but the problem is that it tires quickly. It's not got a whole lot of structure which makes it difficult...which is why I only did the first 3 verses It leaves very little room for manoeuvre in creating a melody thats going to be interesting for the entire length of the song. I turned the 3rd verse into a kind of chorus and then realised it wasnt going anywhere interesting...Well, that can be blamed on my tune writing as much as anything but I do think it's very difficult to draw a memorable tune from...

[The Corsair]

Seeing as tempo and timing seem to be the most misinterpreted aspects of this song I'm posting this:

The opening spoken bit is quite similar in tempo to these lyrics to give you all an idea of what this is

[Timo89]

I really like your lyrics and the message they deliver. I like political songs. I think this world needs more of them. They make people think!

Keep it up!

[The Corsair]

Some really outstanding lines Corsair

Verses 2 & 5 as well as the verse that begins so have your wedding are world class, absolutely stunning

I still think when you come to putting this to music it's going to be far to long - all your songs are going to be 10 minute epics and the swearing to me is totally out of context with the sometimes beautiful lyrics - it doesn't seem that angry a song - more sorrowful then you have this FUCKING coming in

My advice would be to condense your lyrics , this would also make the theme(s) more open to interpretation ( always a good thing)

Build it round the 3 verses I have said and you have a cracking song lyric  

Mostly agree. For kicks and giggles I set the first 3 verses to music last night...maybe I'll post it later . It's fairly easy to set to music, but the problem is that it tires quickly. It's not got a whole lot of structure which makes it difficult...which is why I only did the first 3 verses It leaves very little room for manoeuvre in creating a melody thats going to be interesting for the entire length of the song. I turned the 3rd verse into a kind of chorus and then realised it wasnt going anywhere interesting...Well, that can be blamed on my tune writing as much as anything but I do think it's very difficult to draw a memorable tune from...

What ever happened to that recording? I'd be interested in hearing it

[Songsmith]

Hi Corsair,

really good lyrics these, a great subject too & the sad thing is at best only 2% of the population would get it!! Nice one

[Schavuitje]

Really great lyrics. I'm with you all the way.
Really very good.
I listened to the beginning of that track to get how you wanted them to come across. I'm glad you did that
although it is pretty much how I imagined them anyway.
I really SHOULD go into the lyrics section more!

[domj]

Yup, nice lyrics and they scan very well. But as someone said, i'm not sure about the structure in a song format. I can imagine it fast and rap like and it works well.
I don't normally crit lyrics cause i find it hard to evaluate how they will go into a song format, this is because i'm ill practised in lyric writing, i should get more involved with it.

[Ramshackles]

Oo...the recording is long forgotten about Im afraid Corsair
I pretty much go through every month and either delete everything that wont be used or zip things that are finished. That little snippet must have been a casualty...I tried looking for it, but to no avail