Hi ebbc,
I see you've swapped the chorus with a verse. My only suggestion is to start with verse 3 followed by verse 1, then the chorus, verse 2, chorus, solo, chorus. It'll make the song slightly shorter unless you extend the solo.
The story, then goes come in, sit by the fire, don't fear the mirror, it'll grant you greatness so don't fear the mirror. Seems more logical to me.
Feel free to ignore me. Still think they are really good lyrics.
Keith