i need help with my lyrics n wat shud i writ nexttt

it was ...... just one of those days
that always started the same
but it never finished like it should
and id replay it if i could

coz tht was the day
on that cold december daaayy
that i found myself.. lookin at you
n i didnt no what to do coz all of a sudden i jst stopped and stared
my feet were glued to ground
and then u turned and looked staright at me

and that was the moment that i newwww
that we had 2 be together me and youu
but i couldnt bare to be hurt agen
so around i turned n off i went
i still think about that day
like a vivid dream from yesterday
so i went back to that spot
but there you were not
another chance
another dreaaaammm
that was wasted with me  oh oh ohhhhh


i hope you like it it tooook me a couple of hourrs but i really nedd sum feed backk !!!!!! oh and please vote on the polll above ^^^^^^^

I voted for 'Okay, needs some work' although I think it is between okay and brilliant as there is essentialy nothing wrong with this, it's just laking a spark. The last verse is really good, I particularly like "i still think about that day / like a vivid dream from yesterday / so i went back to that spot / but there you were not / another chance / another dreaaaammm / that was wasted with me" . I just think that the first two might be a little too cliched and might need the odd line freshened up a bit, but overall it flows really nicely and has a nice ambiguuity about it which keeps it interesting for the listener. Keep on writing is my suggestion, you definetaly have a talent.One last thing , loose the text language, you're better than that!

Hi Dreamer, welcome to the forum and thanks for joining Why not pop over to our introductions forum and tell us a little about yourself?  Also, feel free to have a look at some of our members' work and let them know what you think.

About your lyric:

I thought it was going well, and had potential, until...
Which sounds like a forced line to make a rhyme. Would be better and fit the tone of the lyric better to just say 'but you weren't there'.
Your lyric has good rhythm and would be quite natural to sing I think. Do you have a melody in mind for this yet?

Aside from being a little generic, I think this is not bad. A little tidying up and some music, and you'll have a decent song there

Definitely lose the text language though