Years ago I was waiting for my wife to finish work in a Birmingham shop. It was dusk and that strange time at the end of a day in the city: the starlings gather on window sills, the well-to-do shoppers have gone, and a variety of lost and weary characters occupy the streets. I notice a man in big dark glasses watching me - and as I move, he follows. I sense trouble and take refuge in a department store. He follows me downstairs. Assistants are trying to close the shop. I start to panic.

Back on the street he confronts me. "Do I know you from the Nightingale?" he asks. With great relief, I realise he's not trying hurt me. He's trying to pick me up. The Nightingale being a famous gay club. Sorry, I say, I'm just waiting for my wife to finish work. He apologises and leaves.


http://youtu.be/Y-2wYNjZlvo


NIGHTINGALE

White lights go up around town
As the hungry birds all gather round
The windows of banks and stores
To serenade the advancing hours

And they’re calling as you search for change
For the Bluenose boy who screams as he sells his papers
To passing strangers

Downstairs in BHS
There’s a nervous boy by the checkout desk
No plans to steal or buy
But avoid the man with the big grey eyes

“Sir we’re closing, can you buy or leave?”
Said the weary girl, whose mind was on a taxi
Now he’ll catch me

Nightingale don’t shadow me now
I’ve seen you searching with your big grey eyes
Please I pray, don’t follow me down
I’m only waiting for my working wife

Nowhere left to hide
Face to face as I realize
He’s just looking here
Searching for something I can’t give

“Boy I thought you were a friend of mine –
From the Nightingale, that’s where I thought I’d met you
But it’s not you”

Nightingale don’t shadow me now
I’ve seen you searching with your big grey eyes
Please I pray, don’t follow me down
I’m only waiting for my working wife

He’s just looking here
Searching for something that I can’t ever give

Haha, you stud!

I like the story and how you've portrayed it. The "nightingale" with big grey eyes...what a sinister character

I'd try and get that sense of threat into the lyrics straight away. It'd make a great openning hook in the first verse. Who is this shadowy figure? Why is he pursuing this poor guy? These are the questions you want people to be asking straight off the bat.

You've got a talent for story telling mate. Keep it up!

Peter

Hold on to your hat here -  

Your ability to tell a story through song is very evident, but I couldn't match the music to the theme in this one.

Your intro kicks off with a nice bright series of chord movements, then you start singing and I could feel remnants of Art Garfunkel's "Bright Eyes", or something along those lines. Nice and floaty, although the vocals might be a bit muddy and unclear in the recording itself.

But your song theme is about fear of a potential stalker, which to me would be better served with more haunting music, a bit more nervy. I would feel more than just a little agitated if a bloke I didn't know was "cloak and dagger style" following me around.

Got that out the way. Rant over.  

Having said that, great song structure and progression, and vocal harmonies. your bridges into the choruses as always very nice, giving the lift at the necessary point.

This is a solid and assured piece work, very well done.

The lyrics beautifully set the scene. Even if I didn't have your context I think I'd have a strong sense of what the song's about.

The verse is very strong,  the melody services your images perfectly. Initially I thought the chorus needed another change. Maybe a "strange chord" to set it apart slightly, an augmented chord or an odd bass note. Something to play around with...

You have obviously drafted these lyrics well but personally I would do something else with the line 'but it's not you' but hey.

Also the very last line, try doing something else - a completely different chord pattern to end it in another key - that would be a very nice surprise for the listener.

Congratulations - great song

truffle - you are absolutely right about the final line. I heard Boz Scaggs 'We're all Alone' recently and it had a great little surprise at the end. Also thinking of the end of the Cheers TV theme. Amreicans are good at that sort of thing eh.

Once again, appreciate all the feedback folks


*edit - ok it maybe wasn't Cheers. Some US show anyway.

absolutely great song. fine melody and lyrics. i agree that the chorus need a few other bends to make it stand out more.  personally i think the music is a little smooth and neat but thats my taste.


gr.   Dan

haha funny story. music sounds a bit cheesy production wise. track reminds me of squeeze a bit. really good lyrically and a great tale. great work. best track i heard on here so far would listen to this again. would like to hear it with more of a funk beat and a blues riff but yeah good stuff - any feedback back would be appreciated http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/song-reviews/yeah-yeah-its-a-no-no/

Hi Jordan

I've listened to 3 of your songs now and they all have instantly catchy melodies. They are also very well written lyrically, sung and produced.
The only negative is that they do sound dated but if a 70s/80s retro sound is your intention then that's good enough for me.

I do like the story behind this song. The nightingale could be a sinister person but I assume you've chosen to portray the situation in a light hearted manner by your choice of melody.

I've been living in Birmingham for just over 3 years now and have never heard of Nightingale's. I guess I don't get out enough.
Do you still live in Birmingham?

Justin

Again, good range of comments (very grown up and constructive on here ain't it?).

Justin, the Nightingale is still going I think - off Hurst St/Chinatown. Famous gay club. Not my thing personally but the song was not meant as any sort of slight. In fact I was relieved that he was following me for that reason rather than anything aggressive. At least you can decline a proposition, unlike a kicking.

Hi Jordan,
beautiful song, very pleasant listening!

thanks for sharing it

great story too ( i will refer from psycho-analyzing it...... just kidding)