This is a rough and ready one which i've recovered from my iPhone!   it's not complete, but give me ur views........


http://soundcloud.com/hitfactoryuk/goodbye-taliban_ver0-2_030212

Definetly great potential! I like the cadence of the music! and you play piano so you're officialy my hero. Are you open for colaborations?

hey John - still the maddest vocal delivery ever, you have no idea where the next note will be

This is the best song I have heard from you, the lyrics are really nice without being cliched or bittersweet , the melody is really nice and the chords and structure support the melody really well

I really like this John - good job 

yes echo what Kaf said,
i do close my eyes tho when you go for some of those notes john but good valid song
nooms

I think this one has strong potential. I love the chord change in the chorus - very nice. But I think you need to transpose this one down a note or two so you're not shouting the high notes, and I wonder if the lyric could do with some more work. Taliban doesn't really have a great shape for the melody you have on that line. I understand taking it away would change something important about the song, but I think it's worth finding a less awkward way of making your point.

Nice piano work my friend. It's nice to hear another songwriter doing solo piano & voice stuff

reminds me of bruce springsteen but vocals need a fair bit of polishing i'd say. chorus is a bit weird. oh its stopped ha that wasnt a chorus, the line "if only we could say goodbye taliban" made me laugh but its probably not supposed to. i'm a bit confused maybe. its a possibility given its a saturday at 11pm. either way and ear shattering vocals aside, i enjoyed the listen

check me back if you get 5 minutes, ta   http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/song-reviews/yeah-yeah-its-a-no-no/

well for a five minute composition, knocked out on joanna this one was totally out of the box and i'm surprised and humbled at the useful and positive feedback.  My vocals do jump around a bit, but as i'm not a vocalist or performer, I dont really care.   

The song was written for my cousin in the RAF so I'm trying to put myself in his shoes when I write and sing it..... i'll work on it......but thanks again for the feedback.  Obviously, the title is the aspiration.... so hopefully verses 3 and 4 will add more context.

Ciao.

Lovely piano intro.  I can see that this has a great deal of potential.  I'd consider finding someone to handle the singing duties.  Mainly, I,d like to say that you play piano extremely well and there is a good song idea here that can be worked upon further to produce a very professional end product!

It would be very helpful, if you were to include the lyrics so that I could gain a much better understanding of this song.

Well done

Paul

ha, great!

For some reason I had to think of some of the songs of Billy Joel, the singing melody did that for me


but yes, try to make this into a full song, could be very worthwhile!

Hi

Every single song I have looked at on the forums tonight have been really good. This one included.

I was a bit freaked out by your vocals at first, but then I got an Elvis Costello/Joe Jackson... thing going on

and suddenly you were famous

Really enjoyed it. Nice Piano too.

Although always remember guitars are better  Ignore Tone 

Very nice melody... A real Billy Joel/Joe Jackson sound to this one, as others have mentioned. For my tastes, your vocals are just a bit too out of control. Also, and this is probably not what you want to hear, the song takes me out of the emotion that's developed on the line "If only, we can say goodbye taliban". Obviously, others will disagree, but for me, that specific level of political commentary takes the song from being a piece of art and moves it into some other category. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Taliban supporter!

In my view, a song titled "Goodbye Taliban" that never actually uses those words, but that captures the essence of being away at war, is the way to go. Just my opinion, of course!

Thanks pmarino - you are correct!  The words goodbye taliban in both the title and the chorus are somewhat incongruous. I think the chorus definitely needs tweaking and you are right the title sets the scene, ie away at war, although the words themselves do not need to be used in the lyric.  I'll see what verses 3 and 4 bring -maybe even a new title........

a fine song. i just happen to like this out of controle voyce, it still reminds me of steely dan.

gr.  Dan