http://soundcloud.com/andrewcruse/awakenings

In 2 minds whether to put this up or not to be honest - I have a feeling this could go either way

I have spent quite a bit of time mixing this and exploring Logic more - I had it sounding good at one point then overworked it and now I feel I have taken it as far as I can

Anyway I hope it goes down ok and feel free to give it an honest review - I really develop a lot from the criticism although I tend to put the advice into my next song rather than tweak the current one any further.

Hope everyones good this Saturday night

Awakenings

in the morning you awaken,  gather up your thoughts and face the day
In the distance I am waiting, anticipating watching nervously
I have these visions : they haunt me , apparitions from the other side
The world is changing, you are different , you can see the truth in every lie

Give into me, give into me
In this darkness we can be complete as one

In the night-time when your sleeping ,your subconscious in another place
I am harbouring bad intentions, twisted thoughts are filling every space
In the shadows I am watching , I am listening to your every breath
I could corrupt you, I would love to strip you down until there's nothing left

Give into me, give into me
In this darkness we can be complete as one
Give into me , give into me
In the scheme of things this will mean everything

Awakenings

Your voice is very good. I feel there's a  good song here, but it's too delicate for the mix - does that make sense ? The instrumental break comes as a relief - but is over too soon, to be replaced by the slightly tired drum pattern again. Overall I can't help  feeling  this song  would benefit from  a simpler, more acoustic  arrangement - for the lyrics are crying out to be heard, that line "I'd love to strip you down until there's nothing left "- reminded me of Leonard Cohen.

Hi Andy,

You've created a lovely mood for this song. It's has a brooding atmosphere from the introduction through to the first verse.  "The Give into me section" changes the mood, making it more upbeat before returning to the darkness of another verse.  I struggled with the two opposing moods at first but eventually started to enjoy the contrast provided by the two different sections.  The more upbeat section features a U2 style guitar riff that I didn't expect from you and therefore demonstrates your versatility.  This song also appears to be influenced by Neil Finn/crowded House and that's something that I like a great deal.  I especially love the guitar break!

The lyrics are intriguing. They invite me to try to understand this song further and perhaps can be interpreted in a number of ways.  "In the morning you awaken" might refer to you as you prepare yourself for the day ahead. "in the distance I am waiting, anticipating watching nervously." This might be you in the future, waiting nervously to see if the person that you are today, is equal to the challenges that you are currently facing.  I may be wrong, that's just my initial interpretation. I'm not going to try to unravel all the mysteries of your song. I simply want to say that I enjoy lyrics of this nature because they encourage me think about the possible themes that a song embraces.

The guitar break is welcome  and provides a change in place of a m8 section incorporating lyrics that is sometimes expected.  

Your production skills are improving all the time.  With your permission, I would like to tackle a new production of this.  As you know, I've been resting from music and will continue to do so for a while longer but the offer is there if you would like me to have a go at this one!

Thanks Andy!

Paul

Very good again Kaf, as Paul said your production is improving all the time. I know your an Ocean Colour Scene fan also , i think you have what it takes to produce similar material to theirs. If i was your producer (which i'm not ) i'd try and get your backing instruments sounding as 'live' as i could if you know what i mean. Keep em coming.

really enjoyed it, great tone in your vocal
think your right to post it , good song
early part of the mix sounds a little busy to me ?
you might be giving too much away too early  ?  not sure..
i like the sound of the drums but there doesnt seem to be much of a central kick to anchor the toms & snare around..think that might help,
gear changes are lovely and gtr break a nicesurprise,
id echo man in the moons thoughts on a more acoustic arragment maybe.. dont know..
but good song fellah

nooms

I have these visions : they haunt me , apparitions from the other side
The world is changing, you are different , you can see the truth in every lie

^ that really spoke to me, dunno why, I felt something when I read that, not sure what...but that's pretty amazing, so is the rest, but especially that part.

Thank you sellon, Nooms, Jim, Paul and Maninthemoon

I take on board all you say

I think my attitude needs to change towards drums, instead of just keeping a beat I need to invest time building tension, laying down markers - next challenge I think

I really like to write lyrics like this - open to interpretation - I have a theme in my head but will leave it up to you to draw your own conclusions

Thanks everyone 

You are starting to get some really interesting and original sounds. The change in the chords and arrangement from the verse to the chorus was excellent, although the melody didnt quite follow the same standards. I dont know if it was the actually melody or just the delivery.
The chorus does stick in your head a bit which is good.
The bass needs to be louder

The guitar sounds are very cool...
The middle 8 part was the weakest bit for me, I'd say develop it more...but you can put it into the next one...instead of repeating the verse but with no singing, why not change it up a little or take it somewhere different?

The drums were cool to start...but then kind of became repetitive and less human. Just a bit more work to get them gelling better? Was it a case of getting the 4 bar groove or whatever and then coopy/paste it through the song?

Each song seems to get better with you

Hiya

This is brill mate. Your vocals were really good again and I can hear too that not only are

you getting better at the production side of things, you are improving with every post as a writer too.

Can't say it any better than what Paul and Sellon said about the lyrics.

Agree with nooms about the drums and the bass needs to be a bit more prominent.

It's really good though, I tip my hat

Thank you RS & Schavu,

RS- Although you have been getting a bit of crit around your feedback I for one welcome it - you learn far more from a second opinion or constructive feedback. I have learned so much from you on this forum and I think you are always fair

The drums are actually all different throughout the sections of song   - verse, chorus & mid 8 but it is cut and pasted through these sections

I really need to invest in a decent system for mixing - I mix on earphones and then listen to the mix on my system in the living room - the difference is enormous between these two systems - the one in the living room is far too bassy so I tried to tone it down to compensate ARRGGHHHHHH!

But your comments really build my confidence - this forum really is worth its weight in gold in terms of development

I am going to go back and increase the volume of the bass and drums even though I said I wouldnt

I also seem to be spending far more time on songs now - I just care about them more - when I first came on here I was posting 3 songs a week without a thought to the quality of the production - I dont care now if it takes months to finish

And I am really getting into Logic - big learning curve but its an awesome programme

Cheers guys

thumbsup. Having good monitors to mix on really really makes a difference. Last year (october?) I got a pair of Adam A3x's. The difference between them and the hi-fi speakers I had before was also phenomenal. But it's not cheap - £175 for 1 speaker. They also aren't by any means the 'high end' of studio monitors....but I mix on them and like them and I suppose if your room is small they are fine.. Genelec make respected speakers, yamaha ns-10s are famous as are the hs80m's...I've only read about them..

I really liked the tone of this song. There's a haunting nature that fits the lyrics. The only thing that doesn't work for me is the timing of the line "In this darkness we can be complete as one" (and "In the scheme of things..."). It just didn't seem in sync with the rhythm/melody. But I really enjoyed the change from verse to chorus, prior to that line. Cool sound.

You and me both Kaf

Every song or piece I work on takes me longer and longer, because my expectations of what

I want to achieve is getting higher and higher. I am taking much more time over every part of the process. And the pay-off

is that I'm getting happier and happier with what I am writing because how it sounds at the ned is getting closer and closer to what I

want it to be. AND that puts me into a very creative mood

And I agree with you Kaf. The feedback that everyone gives on here is vital to that learning process. I would be nowhere near the level I'm reaching

now without this forum and it's members.

Even just hearing others progressing, like yourself Kaf... Each song getting better and better in every department! It ups the game  It inspires me to push myself and puts me

into that creative mood.

There are tips and tricks and instrumental lessons to be learned from a lot of writers on here and I do take special note of

certain members on here who's music inspires me to push my own creativity.

Cheers PM - I did have a slightly more structured melody for these lines but felt that I had to sacrifice what I wanted to say so went for the slightly more cluttered lines. I kind of justified it as the song is a little unconventional anyway and I wanted to try and break up the poppier sound of the chorus. Thanks for your review.

Schavu - I agree with everything you say - when you posted your song for revamp it made me evaluate my position with regard to working older songs again. I now feel there is certain songs I have written that lost something when I produced them - either due to my fledgling  skills or just simply as I missed the moment. I am now going to try and rework a few of these - its entirely down to your enthusiasm & dedication that I feel this way

As has already been said, intro to this song is great and creates the right mood.    I won't go near the lyrics, because i'm more into the music than the words, but I couldn't pick-up a hook in this song.   Now, I know where it should be - and i think it only requires a slight tweak to provide the hook and break-up the song between verse and chorus..... here goes.....

on the last line of each verse, ie on verse 1 ("The world is changing, you are different , you can see the truth in every lie) this is where you need to use your voice to create a more intense atmosphere -i'd jump-up an octave (if your voice allows!) on "changing", "different" and "truth" or thereabouts,  I hope you get my drift.

Now, I wish I had your patience and skill using Logic........