[Reece!]

This song is really about falling secretly in love with someone and they start to notice that you love them. It's a bit cheesy but I enjoyed writing it. Any help would be much appreciated!

YOU'RE ONTO ME


I thought I was being subtle
And I tried my best to be cautious
Guess I couldn't be more obvious
I thought that I kept it hidden
But it's hard, cos you're gorgeous
To tell you the truth I am smitten

Oh, oh it's clear to see me
That you're onto me
Oh you're onto me
Oh what we could be
They can all see, all see
That you're onto me
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I tried to keep the secret
But I guess I couldn't keep it
For days, I tried to stay away
Thought I could keep my feeling at bay
How could I ever let you fade?
I prayed, oh I prayed, I prayed
That we could be together (forever)

Oh, oh it's clear to see me
That you're onto me
Oh you're onto me
Oh what we could be
They can all see, all see
That you're onto me
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I tried to hide it
I tried to hide how I feel
But it's my heart that you steal
I tried to hide it
I tried to hide how I feel
But it's my heart that you steal

[SFX]

I love the rhyme scheme and use of half-rhyme in the first verse, but I've noticed the rhyme pattern is different in the second verse? Maybe have a look at that but overall I enjoyed these lyrics, again a very relatable theme presented in a well constructed  song.. well done

[Reece!]

Yeah the rhyme scheme is sort of all over the place, I'll see what I can do to try and fix it. Thanks for commenting.

Reece

[shortwhat]

yeah there might be a couple things to change with the rhyming. But this song absolutely has potential; maybe take some of the lines such as 'I prayed, oh I prayed, I prayed that we could be together (forever)' and change them up a bit and you've got yourself a very well written song