[Yodasdad]

Hi All,

I'd really appreciate some feedback on this song.

https://soundcloud.com/my-idiom/lightning-m-blair-2015

For the first time I've forced myself to stick to a brief that is a little different to what I would normally write (or listen to). I tasked myself with writing a modern pop track suitable for a young female singer.

The recording has not come out as loud as I intended but thats something I'll probably post about on the recording forum. Please crank it up!

Any feedback gratefully recieved - structure, melody, harmony, instrumentation, production, lyrics etc etc.

Lightning - © M Blair 2015

Verse 1
I got some vip tickets  - o o oh
Out with my girls in the city  - o o oh
Wearin more bling than fiddy - o o oh
Tonight the sky's the limit  - o o oh

Verse 2
I got some money Lets blow it  - o o oh
Walk in the club like we own it  - o o oh
Look at me boys  coz I'm showin  - o o oh
Just what you want an you know it  - o o oh

Bridge
Livin a life that's free - ohhh
Who knows where the night will lead - ohhh
Im rockin it can you feel - ohhh
My electricity - ohhh

Chorus
Coz I'm like lightnin
Release me I'm about to explode
I'm like lightnin
More energy than you can control
I'm burnin up don't wanna stop
Tonight I'm gonna reach the top
I'm like lightnin tonight

Verse 3
Hypnotic bass keeps pumpin  - o o oh
Another coke with rum in  - o o oh
My mind is over come an  - o o oh
I hit the dance floor runnin  - o o oh

Bridge
Livin a life that's free - ohhh
Who knows where the night will lead - ohhh
Im rockin it can you feel - ohhh
My electricity - ohhh

Chorus
Coz I'm like lightnin
Release me I'm about to explode
I'm like lightnin
More energy than you can control
I'm burnin up don't wanna stop
Tonight I'm gonna reach the top
I'm like lightnin tonight

Middle 8
When you see the sun come up don't expect me home by dawn
I'll still be on the floor somewhere whipping up the perfect storm

[Annoying Twit]

This song sounds like a good Erasure song, and I can imagine Andy Bell singing it. Particularly in the chorus your voice and the melody really soars, and I really like the chord changes in the chorus, e.g. the one on the line 'Tonight I'm going to reach the top'. You have a nice understated verse which contrasts really well with your soaring chorus.

The intro before the drums comes in could perhaps be arranged a bit better. I don't have an idea of where the beats are going to be and it just sounds a bit hesitant to me. The same riff/rhythm sounds better when the drums drop out later on as by then I have an idea where the beat is. On later listenings when I know the song the intro doesn't stand out so much, but on the first listen I found it a little confusing.

I like the 'oh oh oh' backing vocals. They really add something to the song. Could they be a bit louder? They give your song a little something that makes it distinctive, and I think they could be featured more.

I'm not sure that your bridge is a bridge, I think it's a pre-chorus. I'm not sure the rocking back and forward chords work there. We've had the verse by then, and in a high energy pop song like this, I think I'd prefer that the chords start going somewhere by then.

Overall a great pop song, messers Bell and Clarke would be proud I'm sure. (I hope that was your intention).

EDIT: Wow, this is very different from Castles in the Sky. I wouldn't have believed they were by the same person!

[Frenchy]

Hi Yodasdad,

This is one of those moments when I'm listening to a song and I don't care if there are problems in the mix, production or the performance. The reason is that I believe that the somg is so good that you forget about all that. IMHO the verse and chorus could be in a hit song right now. However I think there is a weak point in the song which is the pre-chorus. For starters, I think it is too long (8 nars) and the melody at that point sounds predictable repetative and a tad dated. I would rethink that part of the song and cut it at least 4 bars, and let it build into that spectacular chorus. Speaking of which I believe is the melody that someone like Lady Gaga would die for ! Great job !

PS What is that vocal effect on your voice ? Is that your natural sound, the chorus delivery is spot on.

Regards,
frenchy

[adamfarr]

Nice fluffy high-energy pop - does what it says on the tin. I get the 80s references made by others (and I picked up a bit of Brimful of Asha in the intro?) as it doesn't have that heavy drum and bass sound we've come to expect from modern hit tracks - but I think that would change the feel completely and it doesn't really need them: In the chorus or finale the vocal lifts it already.
Great job!

[Morefrog Jones]

Love it. Excellent work.

Could easily see that in the charts with a few tweaks.

[pompeyjazz]

Hi Yodasdad,

You certainly have stuck to the brief. A good modern pop song. Personally would like to have heard some dirty bass synth in there underneath driving it along.

Cheers

john

[digger72]

Hi,

The verses made me think of Cornershop - Brimful of Asha also, but then you totally explode in to the chorus which i agree with the others could be an Erasure song. Works well as a dynamic.

The vocal is the highlight for me - totally sells the song.

Digger

[DaveD]

Hi

I can't really fault the song - with good verses and a really catchy chorus it is how you intended ( an upbeat pop track suitable for a female singer) . You have a great voice too btw. You could easily imagine the chorus being pumped out in a nightclub.

I don't however feel the production was completely  modern . Definitely like Erasure (and more like their later 90s  numbers than their 80s stuff) .But as I think someone else may have said modern dance/pop has a heavier bass drum and a more noticeable side chain compression 'pumping' sound , also the bassline was a bit dated.

This  just my take on the  production  - I liked the song very much and you delivered it brilliantly  - and I am still humming it after only 2 listens

Cheers
Dave

[Yodasdad]

Thanks a lot to those of you who have so far taken the time to review. Some very useful comments.

I must clear something up though - Thanks to those of you who have complemented my vocals but alas they're not mine, I hired a session singer. Yodasdad is actually a male you see, and one that doesn't sing all that well either.

I'm going to explore the bridge based on what people have said, at the moment though I just can't hear it working as anything else in my head - I think i've listened to it too many times now. In fact I actually started to quite hate the song by the time I was finishing the mix.

Erasure - that's quite a compliment of a comparison. They weren't even on my radar when I was writing it. I only really know their big hits so I couldn't even say they were one of my influences. Thanks all the same though, I'll have to go back and have more of a listen to them.

A Twit

Bridge and pre-chorus are the same thing to me albeit pre-chorus is the american terminology - I prefer bridge but more and more people seem to be using pre-chorus these days, added to which is the fact that when americans say bridge they mean what the english call the middle 8. Are you American by any chance? this may explain our crossed wires here?

Frenchy

In terms of treatment on the vocals, it is mainly echo and different types of delay that I've used. The final two chorus's also have a subtle double panned over to one side. Thanks for your positive comments and really glad you liked the majority of the song.

Adamfarr/Digger

Brimful of Asha!! of course! that hadn't even registered until you both mentioned it but now you have it's staring me in the face - you're right apart from slightly different inversions of the chords.

DaveD

My focus with this was more about trying to get the song right than trying to get the production bang up to date, although I agree with your comments. Sidechain compression is something I just about understand the concept of, I think. As to how I would use it to really get this track pupmping - that's beyond me at the moment unfortunately. Glad you liked it.

Thanks everyone.

[crystalsuzy]

I love the vibe of this song so much, I've had to go back for several listens The chorus is
just so darn catchy...I just have to sing along
You've definitely captured the essence of a modern pop track...I can totally heat this playing in
a club and everybody singing along and dancing...what a fun track
Great vocalist, although I thought it was a male singer, except maybe in the chorus
I can't find any fault with this track, but I'm no producer 
2 thumbs up from me 

[Jathon Delsy]

Love the kaleidoscopic swirls of ambient guitar chords. This rainbow vibe is suitably developed by the whimsically passionate vocal, which excellently slips from softly lyrical wisps to powerful projections of confident tone. The boppy beat is contagious, but should be mixed more to the fore for a more punchy sound.
A sweetly effervescent song that is never saccharine, consummately arranged with lots of clever little counterpoints that never cluster nor crowd. The spirited high ranged vocal is a major feature too, and perfect for this pert peppy pop.
Very catchy pop which will work well as a dance or club tune.

[shadowfax]

Very generic song but..a good song, female vocal is fab but a bit on the sharp side..and hi in the mix..
good arrangement but if there are any drums in it I couldn't hear them..it needs some IMHO..it lacks a driving beat.

I didn't like the key change..never liked em and never will..if you think the song's getting boring..just finish it..

again.. a very good pop song, good writing mate..

on second listen it gets better but misses the driving beat even more..

is the singer available on the internet?

best, Kevin

[Doodles]

I like that you've challenged yourself to move out of your comfort zone... and it does what it sets out to do. I think the song itself isn't far off something you would hear on the radio or in a cheesy club in the 90s... and the hook is catchy as hell. 

For me, the crux of why it doesn't work is that the song, the lyrics, everything is crying out for a deep, heavy, pumping beat...yet it sounds tinny. I've no idea how you achieve that sound, but I think you should find out and re-vamp it.

[johnlondon]

Mission accomplished for me, loved the melody, the vocals and lyrics. Agree about the key change, they always feel like their devices to extend the song beyond its natural length. Also agree it needs a down under beat to drive it on, bass or drums or both. But a good club track, I`ve danced to far worse.

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

Excellent!

The chorus is brilliant as is the pre-chorus/bridge

Can't say i'm fond of the verse lyrics - if it really matters much(?) -  though the chorus lyric is good.

Not keen on the key change here either.....

But apart from that the song is a superb 4min of dance/pop.