help me

  • 10 Replies
  • 4237 Views

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Flea

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 5
« on: June 13, 2011, 10:33:19 PM »
Hello everyone,im new here so i just wanted to ask you some things and clear something up..
I've been writing songs last 2 years and i think im doing pretty well.. but the problem is I "think" im doing well,i just dont know am i good to do something with it...so im in a band and when i show them something,i always get rejected or something like that.. so i was thinking could i show you some of my work and you tell me what do you think... dont be so rude if its something bad,but in the other hand i want the truth.. tell me execly what do you think in all sides of song..
when i get some replies ill post a song.. duno if some1 will be intersted in helping me... :)

The Corsair

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 863
  • I'm the latest model Johnny
« Reply #1 on: June 14, 2011, 07:25:49 AM »
A massive part of this forum is reviewing lyrics. Post away! No need to ask permission! If you want private help or advice then don't be afraid to PM some of us, we're always more than happy to help with anything from lyrical issues to band tensions to sibling bickerings :D
Defective Elector

tone

  • *
  • Administrator
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Forum Former Führer
  • Posts: 3551
  • The People's Democratic Republic of Songwriting
    • Anthony Lane on soundcloud
« Reply #2 on: June 14, 2011, 09:43:05 AM »
Hi Flea

Welcome to the forum! You've come to the right place if you're looking for honest feedback on your songs. And it's not just lyrics; post your recording if you have one and we'll tell you if we think it works.

Just create a thread in the reviews forum whenever you're ready. Good to have you on board.

Tone :)
New EP: Straitjacket - Listen here

1st track from my upcoming album -- Click to listen -- Thanks!

Please read the rules before posting in the feedback forums http://bit.l

Dutchbeat

  • *
  • Guest
« Reply #3 on: June 14, 2011, 06:09:08 PM »
Welcome Flea,

don't be shy, the songwriters of this splendid forum generally provide constructive criticism

murfman04

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 64
« Reply #4 on: June 15, 2011, 02:39:23 AM »
Welcome Flea!! :)
And yeah this is a great place for constructive criticism!!

Flea

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 5
« Reply #5 on: June 15, 2011, 02:42:11 PM »
allright i see everyone greets me really nice :D
so ill start..
and im not from UK or USA so if u see some bad grammar in my song,tell me whats wrong so i can fix it :)

sry got no recording,i would record if i had some good equipment :P

so this one i wrote for my friends i like to call it "A verse to my friends"


When i fall, will you help me crawl,
When i die,Will you close my eye,
Not to watch world falling a part..
When im sad, will you understand,
When im lost, will you help me find a way,
When its dark, will you light a match,
To find a place that leads us home..home..

Really short one,actually one of my first songs ever..


This one is written for my ex...I call it "blank"...

Our dreams like sands,
Passed trough our hands
And dissapeared..
Your words like ties,
Wrapped around my heart
And trapped me inside..
Your promises like leaves,
Flew with wind
And never came back...
Your words to me on a letter,
But letter is now blank..

Just dont touch me,
Or you'll break something else,
Just dont judge me,
Cause your not in my skin,
A cracked mirror,
Showing only deformations,
Your broke me,
By years of temptation!


Next one is about finding yourself,where you belong (this motive is specially added in chorus )
I call it Down to the Earth..

Seek my heart and see
How its decorated,
Tell my friends
Before we'r seperated,
Look into my eyes and
What do you see?
Truth or lies,
Be honest with me..

(chorus)
Down to the earth,
Seek your own birth,
Between flame
And faces full of blame,
Up in the sky,
Under His arms you'll fly,
Find yourself,
Or die to try...

Your eyes like a mirror
to the unforgivness,
Soul with no end
FUll of emptyness,
Stepped on days and
searching for other ways,
To find my ghost
So no longer I cant be lost..

(chorus)
Down to the earth,
Seek your own birth,
Between flame
And faces full of blame,
Up in the sky,
Under His arms you'll fly,
Find yourself,
Or die to try...



and one more song that i wrote to my grandpa when he was rly sick and my whole family thought he will die.. but thank god he's allright...

Take care up
there in the sky,
in heaven on clouds
while you pass by,
You'll stay in my heart..

As an old man
who knew the world,
An Old man
who flies with birds..

Chillin' on a heat
under summer sky,
Sitting on a chair
but just wind passes by.....


tell me everything what do you think :) i rly hope i got some good lyric

Ramshackles

  • *
  • Global Moderator
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 1432
  • https://soundcloud.com/ramshackles
    • Ramshackles @ Facebook
« Reply #6 on: June 16, 2011, 11:28:43 AM »
Hi! post your songs and lyrics in the reviews forum and we are sure to give them our opinions. It could be that the band you are in just doesnt want to play the style of music you like? Or maybe you should just grab a guitar and play your stuff solo!

Flea

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 5
« Reply #7 on: June 16, 2011, 12:58:12 PM »
allright ill move them to reviews forum

The Corsair

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 863
  • I'm the latest model Johnny
« Reply #8 on: June 16, 2011, 07:47:50 PM »
Good lyrics at any rate. If you need particular advice then do message us.
Defective Elector

chris

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 4
« Reply #9 on: July 14, 2011, 10:23:25 AM »
very good lyrics... sometimes people can't see whats staring them right in the face.... just do it... add some of the vocals in on a good jam or just sneak something in... sometimes these things have got to be heard and not read..... I am a born thinker and do way too much of it.... just grab the moment and I think your band mates will love it.....maybe just change the approach you have to sharing new ideas to your band... you'll get there...have fun

The Corsair

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 863
  • I'm the latest model Johnny
« Reply #10 on: July 14, 2011, 01:14:32 PM »
Because I'm an advocate of fuller songs I'd say try and fill them out a bit. Verse-Chorus-Verse-Chorus is a pretty good place to start and writing in a bridge really fleshes out any song.
Defective Elector