[skaye]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUHOSa4X9b0



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[DevyE]

Hi Skaye

I think you have bare bones of a good blues song, Lightnin Hopkins, Seasick Steve, Malcolm Holcombe come to mind at the moment but there are many more, so I would suggest listening to some of their songs for ideas on how they incorporate the slide with fingerpicking which you can already do, maybe something like 'Man From Another Time' by Seasick.

The lyrics you currently have would make a good chorus to me so I would build verses around this, maybe this character has blood on his hands etc which why he is begging for mercy.

Just my thoughts, hope they help

[empyreantic]

This is awesome Would love to hear a full production of it!

Edit: Watched your other videos, and man this is great. I also realised that you're a fellow Norwegian Velkommen til forumet!

[RobA]

Nice, very John Butler...who I love! Do you write and play in Open C and remove the high G like him on the 12 string?
I also write songs in open C but on a 6 string with the high E tuned down to C as well....really lovely full sound, and you can produce some really different sounding fingerstyle pieces.

[Jack Ryper]

This is a sweet song most of the songs I've recorded the lyrics and guitar are also improvised so that's cool to see!
I don't think you're 'screaming' too much, I think it really adds to the song, and I kind of like that the guitar is out of rhythm at some points.
I would love to hear this when its finished.

[Joolz]

 Wow your guitar playing is amazing!! I love your voice as well! I Don't have suggestions for improvement really. I would like to hear more of a full production as well though.

[Boydie]

I actually got a DOORS feel from the song

I think some of the faster finger picking parts disrupted the rhythm as the timing drifted slightly in places

I think the "song" would benefit from tighter timing to hammer home the bluesy feel

Some of faster finger picking didn't really fit for me - until the end when you let rip a little more so I would suggest saving them for this and spend the first part of the song really establishing the feel, rhythm and groove of the song

I did enjoy the song though

[adamfarr]

I got a little lost in the cascade of rhythms and phrases - perhaps could do with slowing down a bit? (but not so much as to lose that "tormented" feel!).

Around 20" in, you do this more rocky off-beat phrase around the 5th fret. I was hoping for more and I couldn't hear it again. (Perhaps doesn't actually belong in this song, I don't know, but it caught my ear.)

Anyhow, look forward to the next iteration if there is one!