[Bernd]

And yes, I do consider it finished. As a song, I mean, not as a proper music production which I will never achieve on my own.

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13185862

 I saw your reflection in a window
the sight bore itself into my mind
I wonder what can I do so you become
someone of a more tangible kind

to
chat me up or turn me down
give me hope or let me drown
turn me on or mess around
chat me up or turn me down

the mem'ry stirs me up at daytime
while my wet dreams stir me up at night
I feel that I have to find you
so you can help me put things right

and
chat me up or turn me down
give me hope or let me drown
turn me on or mess around
chat me up or turn me down

chat me up, turn me down
give me hope, let me drown
turn me on, mess around
chat me up, turn me down

[DevyE]

Hi

70's Rawk, Free/Bad Company vibe here for me here and there's nothing wrong with that. I did think the lyrics were a little lacklustre and although the chorus is catchy why should she chat you up as you've only caught a glimpse of her in a window. And I think for me that is the problem with the lyric there is no interaction between the characters and no real connection between the verses and chorus.

Also I'm not keen on 'chat me up' (maybe just me) and "turn me down" /"turn me on" in the chorus doesn't provide enough variety.

Like the song, just needs a few tweaks to the lyrics 

[seriousfun]

Rather liked the rhythym guitar in this. You got a good sound on this. Would have liked a fuller bass sound on this with more punch. Lyrics don't really bother me that much, as a general rule they are not so important in this genre. People will latch onto words or phrases rather than the lyric as a hole and I think the chorus provides some strong phrases for listeners to easily remember and chant out with the song. Its a catchy chorus.

The fact that the lines are delivered as individual phrases in  the chorus really works well for me but doesn't gel the same in the verses. I think if you used a more flowing metre in the verses it would throw so much punch into the chorus and it could be quite a killer track. Vox is good although not quite the right character for this song. Not many are.

Enjoyed this, its a good song with not much to change really.

[Boydie]

This is a good start

I think the opening "Stones" style guitar works perfectly - the tone is great

I would be tempted to keep the intro guitar riff going through the verses to drive it home as a hook

The drums are a little "messy" and "stop/starty" but I assume you will tackle this when you produce the track

Nice song though and I really enjoyed it

[MartiMedia]

Hi Bernd,
Like the idea of this song. I read you are aware of the production state of the song, so I figure you don't need suggestions on that department. So I'm listening to this song the way you intend it to be and I hear some Stones influences right? Think the arrangement and the guitars provide a solid base. I think the singing can be executed a bit more confident and out of the box for this music style (but that's personal of course). Overall I liked to listen to this work, good job!
MM

[sundaysongsmiths]

Hi Bernd,
For the most part we agree with the comment above.  And particularly agree with Boydie that some sort of guitar riff would help drive home the verses.  Overall enjoyed the '70s rock vibe.
Regards,
Mike and Jay

[Bernd]

Thank you all.

If I redo part(s) of the song I'll keep your comments in mind. And yes, I can imagine a more powerful guitar on the left channel during the verses instead of just strumming the chords (I still think the 'smoother' guitar on the right side is needed here, though). And I'll probably simplify the drum track (in the Phil Rudd direction) so as to make it less distracting.

It might take ages, though (I just replaced the rhythm guitar in "on of seven billion" - after three years!). It's not my priority because I think it's not me who actually should record or perform the songs. Unfortunately, there is no other... Four singers showed interest in singing my "you are the light". Three relapsed into silence. One sang out of tune and couldn't keep in time either.

You see, I seem to be stuck with my 'rough demos'.

Thanks again. Great advice. Much appreciated!

Bernd

[Yodasdad]

I think this has the potential to be a really powerful track.

For me it feels like there is a lot of open space at times which could be utilised for some of the intruments to do more and add hooks. Particularly I would think about making the bass line busier, at least that's what I'm hearing anyway. Perhaps adding some syncopation to the guitar riff might work well aswell. It's hard to explain what I mean here but thinking along the lines of Start me up by the Stones - which I now realise your song reminds me of.

I'd certainly consider taking this song further production wise, even if you have to enlist the help of someone else. Not because it's bad as it is but because it could be killer when it all comes together.

Yodasdad.

[Paulski]

Great guitar riff and hooky chorus.
Would be interesting to hear it as a full-on in-your face production track.
but even as is I'm sold on the song as a song!
Paul

[Bernd]

It didn't take me 3 years after all. There is nothing interesting on TV tonight ;-)

I edited the drums in the chorus to get rid of the slightly annoying or distracting high hat. And I replaced the rhythm guitar track in the verses.

That's as much as I can do, I guess. Let's hope some 'pros' pick the song up some time and bring it to life.

I never thought of "start me up", but you're right. When I created it I rather thought of AC/DC (apart from my voice spoiling it all).

Thanks again!

[Neil C]

Bernd,
Neat intro and cool main guitar tone, liked the solo and the chorus was catchy.
I felt it lacked the drive in the arrangement for a rock song, which is where I think you wanted it to go, if not please ignore the next bit..
Solid foundations means base drum, bass and snare all in synch even if it's a predictable straight: bass, snare, bass, bass, snare, and bass guitar playing the root note 4/4. And I'd like the bass guitar to have some more bottom. Then double your rhythm guitars and pan them left and right and got a great platform no matter where you take it.
I find I can do a demo to work out the ideas, structure and in essence learn the song and then have another go at recording it. You'll find this version street ahead in terms of production because you're done all the hard bit, you're now capturing the performance.
Hope this helps
 
Neil

[Jack Ryper]

I like this, I think it has potential.
I enjoyed the guitar and the lyrics, but i think maybe the vocals don't really match?
I would like to hear this at a better production level though!

[pompeyjazz]

Good Potential Bendt. Agree with other comments but generally a decent rock song and some good ideas

John

[pompeyjazz]

Actually, this is a really catchy song. Have been humming away since my first listen !

John