[shadowfax]

Yeah, this is better and the song gets better with more listens..It's tighter but I think this makes the reason for the apparent clunky timing more obvious..the very accented guitar and the bass never seem to be in time with the kick drum..in short, I think the kick drum is in the wrong place...it should at least be in time with some of the guitar and bass guitar accents..

well worth moving that kick around,  I reckon it will lift the song dramatically...

best, Kevin

[MartiMedia]

Yeah, this is better and the song gets better with more listens..It's tighter but I think this makes the reason for the apparent clunky timing more obvious..the very accented guitar and the bass never seem to be in time with the kick drum..in short, I think the kick drum is in the wrong place...it should at least be in time with some of the guitar and bass guitar accents..

well worth moving that kick around,  I reckon it will lift the song dramatically...

best, Kevin

ThanQ for listening again Kevin, appreciated! I'll play around a bit more with the kick and I'll see if I can get them timed better in relation to the bassguitar/guitar. I already thought I made a huge step forward, but I'll give it another try. Thanks man! MM

Edit: Uploaded a new version and timed the bass a bit tighter. Can you point where in the song you think the kick should be timed differently? I actually like it this way and love to create things a bit out of the box, but I don't want to break too many rules ;-)

[shadowfax]

Hey Marti..if you like it the way it is then thats ok..it's your song..

it starts around 59 secs ..the accent on the guitar changes but the kick drum carries on doing the same thing...it happens in all the similar sections..

the rest is up to you..
good luck with it..

best, Kevin

[MartiMedia]

Ok thank you Kevin, I'll check this tonight, maybe it has to do with tired ears after listening and correcting errors in many many iterations. Thanks for your input, really appreciated! Grtzz, MM

[Winter1982]

Hey Marti

The inspiration behind the song is great, love the story.

Some of the lyrics really are good, some of them are a little sweet for me though, don't know how to express that any better - they just sometimes edge towards being a little flowery or obvious for my taste.

The instrumentation is great and your voice works well I think! Most exciting is the way the concept has inspired you - that's proper songwriting right there!

[MartiMedia]

Hey Marti

The inspiration behind the song is great, love the story.

Some of the lyrics really are good, some of them are a little sweet for me though, don't know how to express that any better - they just sometimes edge towards being a little flowery or obvious for my taste.

The instrumentation is great and your voice works well I think! Most exciting is the way the concept has inspired you - that's proper songwriting right there!

Hi Winter, thank you for listening and reviewing! Yeah I know it's a bit sweet but it's intended that way, the scene with the lovely elder couple really stoke me in the heart. So I'll take the risk being too sweet! Thanks for the compliments on the mix, instrumentation, song-writing process and voice! Cheerz, MM

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

Great performance Marti which I've come to expect now. Vocal especially nice.

Hey, have you changed something rhythmically here somehow since i first listened?

The verse melody is nice and the PC sets us up well for the chorus

OK...sorry about this bit but I don't think the chorus is strong enough...what i would suggest is that it is too wordy with not enough emphasis on the hookline. I think more concise, snappier lines would work better for the chorus and maybe some repeated hookline. It just doesn't do what I want from a chorus....just my thoughts, you understand!

The bridge is really nice...love the progression there.

Don't want to be harsh but you did emphasise last time that you wanted some honest feedback so here it is....but bear in mind that this is only the opinion of an old fart who is no expert at anything anyway.

I've just read the other comments and seems like I'm out on my own here so maybe you should disregard anything I say.....or it might be food for thought anyway.....

And you'll probably knock the socks off my song in the competition too!

[MartiMedia]

Great performance Marti which I've come to expect now. Vocal especially nice.

Hey, have you changed something rhythmically here somehow since i first listened?

The verse melody is nice and the PC sets us up well for the chorus

OK...sorry about this bit but I don't think the chorus is strong enough...what i would suggest is that it is too wordy with not enough emphasis on the hookline. I think more concise, snappier lines would work better for the chorus and maybe some repeated hookline. It just doesn't do what I want from a chorus....just my thoughts, you understand!

The bridge is really nice...love the progression there.

Don't want to be harsh but you did emphasise last time that you wanted some honest feedback so here it is....but bear in mind that this is only the opinion of an old fart who is no expert at anything anyway.

I've just read the other comments and seems like I'm out on my own here so maybe you should disregard anything I say.....or it might be food for thought anyway.....

And you'll probably knock the socks off my song in the competition too!

Hi VC, thank you so much for listening and providing honest feedback! You know, I'm here to help and to learn. And for the 'learn' part I really need what the listener is hearing especially when listening to the song for the fist time. I know how subjective it all is, so imo you can never collect enough feedback so thank you! I will not always convert feedback to changes in the running songs, but they will help to make the next song better for sure!
Great you like the performance. Yes I changed the drums in the verses, think they should fit in better now. Boudewijn de Koning (member of this forum) helped me with them. And I tightened the drums overall.
Sorry you did not like the chorus. I have my doubts about this part as well. I think you have a very good point stating that there are maybe too many words. For me I heard the song too much to be able to change it without going back to the flow it has now, but I'll remind this one in the future songs!
I didn't feel  you were harsh, you were honest. I'm honest myself (and value that) so man, this is appreciated!
Hey do you have a song as well, haven't heard it yet, searching!!! Edit: where is it? ;-) MM

[seriousfun]

I was thinking this song was really good until the solo came in then I had to upgrade my opnion, cause that is a scintillating solo.

Classy writing here, nothing I didn't like and your voice is fantastic. Loved the harmonies you bought to the table and the unique phrasing you used in the verses. This really added something in my opinion.

Sure to be rated near or at the top of the comp.

[MartiMedia]

I was thinking this song was really good until the solo came in then I had to upgrade my opnion, cause that is a scintillating solo.

Classy writing here, nothing I didn't like and your voice is fantastic. Loved the harmonies you bought to the table and the unique phrasing you used in the verses. This really added something in my opinion.

Sure to be rated near or at the top of the comp.

Jeeezz Allan, thank you so much! It's so nice to hear people enjoy what you created.. Thanks for listening! Big fan of your work and I'm just sooo curious how your entry will sound!! Come on post it!! (or did I miss something?) MM

[montydog]

This is excellent. Very confident singing and a busy, interesting production. Good melody also. My only niggle is that the lyrics area bit matter of fact  and literal and also they sometimes didn't flow with the melody. That aside, I'm liking everything else. Great premise BTW.

M

[MartiMedia]

This is excellent. Very confident singing and a busy, interesting production. Good melody also. My only niggle is that the lyrics area bit matter of fact  and literal and also they sometimes didn't flow with the melody. That aside, I'm liking everything else. Great premise BTW.

M

Thank you so much for listening and commenting M, glad you liked it! Thanks for the feedback on the lyrics, good point on the flow. At a certain point I sang the chorus so many times the way it is now I couldn't change it anymore and still sing it naturally so I decided to leave the words in the chorus the way they are now and keep the authenticity in the singing. I'll learn from this one though, got to think more about the flow before I start recording. Thank you and again, I loved to hear you enjoyed this one! MM

[nooms]

dont think you need the intro.. seemed too throwaawy,
would you consider coming straight in on that great feel of the verses, really works for me..
vocals lovely,, strong singer
kind of 70s mix & arrangmnt i mean in a good way..loose and free 
great gtr solo ..topman..
thought the ending came too soon...wanted to to go back to an even steamier verse & vocal
great stuff & goodluck in the comp..
deserves a better intro..

[MartiMedia]

dont think you need the intro.. seemed too throwaawy,
would you consider coming straight in on that great feel of the verses, really works for me..
vocals lovely,, strong singer
kind of 70s mix & arrangmnt i mean in a good way..loose and free 
great gtr solo ..topman..
thought the ending came too soon...wanted to to go back to an even steamier verse & vocal
great stuff & goodluck in the comp..
deserves a better intro..

Thank you so much for listening and commenting! Haha wow that's actually the first time I hear a listener  telling me to get rid of the intro. That's a good tip! I included it as a hint to tease the listener a bit so they know how the song will sound when build up after the first half. I'll keep it haha, but I get your point. I'll think more carefully about the intro in my next song.
Loved to hear you clearly liked the rest of the song! Especially when you say the ending came too soon! So you'll be pressing 'replay' for a long time! ;-) Great comments man, appreciated. Thank you! MM

[MartiMedia]

Whoops this one is almost on the bottom of the list and I need some votes! Haha. This one is my entry for the 'Dreams' competition. MM