[Alan Starkie]

The Butcher mentioned an 'indie pop song' -

I tried but it's turning into an indie rock song?

https://soundcloud.com/alanstarkie/eternal-smile-draft


Eternal Smile


Sat in Booker's bar
With the traffic crawling by
Staring at the clock
I can hear the tick, tick, ticking
Of the second hand

Nice guy Eddie's here
Playing Chuck on his guitar
I don't think you'll show
But I still swing around every time
I hear the door

I'm the eternal smile
The ever-shining light
I'm so happy I can't cry
Suited and booted up
Waiting for that call
I'm not moving but still heading
For a fall

I gotta step outside 
Air con always hurts my eyes 
A chance to pick you out 
But the street isn't giving up your face

I'm the eternal smile
The ever-shining light
I'm so happy I can't cry
Suited and booted up
Waiting for that call
Looking sharp but ultimately
High and dry

[adamfarr]

I think the softer vocal keeps it quite poppy. Poppy on the outside but - as ever - you inject something more than just pop which comes out when you listen. (Was just saying that today about The Ark - a bit more retro and glam but similar twists).

I do like the irony of the title theme and think avoiding rhymes in the verses really works to avoid triteness.

Guitar sound very pleasing, if not super original or memorable. Perhaps the melody is slightly plain which is probably the thing holding it back from being up there with your best songs.... But I am sure it will sound great when fully produced and the lyrical ideas elevate it from being at all average.

[frances]

Hi:
Great tune...I really liked it.!
Some backing vocals (type oooohh and/or aaaaaah) in the chorus, will do it !...
Cheers.

[MartiMedia]

Hi Alan, like this one! The instrumentation and singing sound perfect to me.
To be honest I only noticed a strong hook is missing (to me) in the
vocals/melody (difficult to come with suggestions how to fix, that's really
personal). Overall again a high quality work is almost done I'd say. Great
work, I'm a fan! 
Btw see frances about the back vox, good idea! MM

[nooms]

real buzz to this
great drive and sound to it, that guitar and feel is so good..
all i would suggest would be some macca type bass runs on the solo sequence and/or the outro
i say bass runs rather than guitar breaks as that would turn it into something else imo..
great track

[Morefrog Jones]

I liked it - promising song.
Love the sound and the vocals were excellent.
Lyrics did not flow properly at times for my taste, which may mean they need adjusting or you just haven't sung the song enough to really get to know it properly.

'Suited and Booted' should sound a bit cliched but I think you get away with it.

As a MOD - This was right up my street.

[The Color of Oldfield]

Another good tune Alan and again top top production, your ears must be insured for at least a six figure sum.........