[L. Sampson]

I am sorry if I do not often publish on the forum, but I am not English-speaking.

I would want your help on these words I am writing for a song, hopefully a cathcy-juicy sound 

It's called "Between her lips"

[1:]

Not only… you and me…
And for a night… maybe…
Just to see…
Could we try… to be three ?
At the same time…
She, you… and me…

[Ref:]
Running through…
What makes me and you…
Wanna twist it to…
Make her love you too…
Make her make love to you…

[2 : ]
Not only… you and me…
And after a drink, I think…just to see…
If she’s tempted too…
To… participate…
With me and you.

[Ref :]
Running through…
What makes me and you…
Wanna twist it to…
Make her love you too…
Make her make love to you…

[3 : ]
It drains me out…
It kicks me out…
To think about…
Hear you shout…
In her arms…

It drives me out…
It’s a lock out…
To think about…
See you come…
In her arms…


[Chorus:]
(between her legs…. between her hips… between her lips… between her lips…)

[hardtwistmusic]

I found no issues at all with your English.  I wouldn't change a word. 

This is really vague, but in a really good way.  I found myself wondering

         A.  "is this a guy talking to a guy about including a girl in their lovemaking?"    OR

         B.  "is this a girl talking to a guy about including another girl in their lovemaking?  OR

         C.   "is this a girl talking to a girl about including another girl in their lovemaking?  OR 

         D.  "is this a guy talking to a girl about including another girl in their lovemaking?   

The tension created by not knowing is (in my opinion) a real attention getter.  It's an interesting and unapologetic look at a perspective I've never seen discussed before  -  i.e. how do you talk your partner into a menage-a-trois, and how will the partner feel about it? 

It's a strange lyric.... but (again in my opinion) strange in a good way. 

[L. Sampson]

oh, thanks a lot

I was a bit nervous about that precise song : i'd really like to express something vague but hardly needed, lol.

Got to write down a cool backing track, now...

 

[PeeJay]

Hi,

I liked the suggestive nature of this one. You kept it vague like you said. Up until the chorus anyway. Maybe that was a little but too direct. Try altering it a bit perhaps. Or maybe i'm getting boring as i get older!

Nice one,

Phil.