[kevysc]

I wrote this for my son ...... ideally would have liked him to sing it as a duet, but no chance!

https://soundcloud.com/kevin-ism/belief

Belief by History of Trust

"All of my life I've been thinking of you
Where will you go to and what will you do?
I try to protect you, you know that I care
But sometimes I worry about the choices you make
I try to protect you, what else can I do?
I know in my heart that your dreams will come through
And I believe in you"

"All of my life you've been holding me back
Why do you feel that I'm going off track?
I try to explain, but you don't want to hear
You don't want to listen and that feels unfair
I try to explain, what else can I do?
I follow my heart so my dreams will come true
Do you believe in me?"

You can believe in something new
You can believe in something new
You can believe in something new
You can believe in something
I can believe in something

"After I'm gone will you still think of me?
After I'm gone you will be truly free
I hope that I helped you, you know that I care
I hope that I helped you become who you are
Well I can't protect you, it's all up to you
I know in my heart that your dreams will come true

And I believe in you"

[hardtwistmusic]

This is (imo) right on the verge of being an exceptional lyric.  The first two lines of the second verse where you switch from talking to the lover/partner/whatever and quote him/her will be confusing when sung. 

But it's a great idea, that you just need to work on and define better.  "You say."  "You said."  "You think."   Something has to direct the listeners (those of us who DO listen to lyrics) that they have to shift gears.  Otherwise many will simply not get it and will turn off to the rest of the song. 

Several places in the song, you have some lines that really don't live up to the overall quality of the song.  My theory is that you spend a little bit of time WRITING.... then a LOT OF TIME fine tuning.  If you fine tune this, I suspect you will have a really good lyric.  I just don't think you're completely done with it as it is. 

And then you will need to put it to music. 

Sometimes, waiting til you have the musical idea helps to fine tune the lyric. 

I'm looking forward to hearing it with music in it's final form.   

[shadowfax]

A song with possibilities, I agree with some of hardtwistmusic's comments though not sure what he means by ''and then you will have to put it to music'' maybe I'm missing something
the vocal is a little lost in the mix and the lyrics..as HTM said, could use be refined a little,

best, Kevin

[Marrianna]

Hi Kevysc,

I liked the words and thought it would be a ballad.  When I listened as a song, I was wrong.

I think that the words, as they have been written,  come over as heartfelt and so would suit something slower. There is a chance to take in and think about the emotion then.
I really like the words but I didn't need the 'sweet Jane' which I could hear in the production. I would really like to hear it as a ballad. These were just my own thoughts though.
It is a nice song.

Marrianna

[kevysc]

Many thanks to everyone for their thoughtful comments, much appreciated.

I originally wrote this song as a duet with alternate verses being sung by the father and son. Hence, with me singing both parts, I understand that makes it harder to understand what is going on ... it's basically about the different perspectives and beliefs that we have as parents or as children/ individuals.

The "Sweet Jane" refrain is partially a homage to Lou Reed and partially a reference to someone I know who had a particularly difficult relationship with her parents. I realize other listeners can't possibly understand that reference, but then again, as for most of my songs, I end up being the main listener 
 
Thanks once again for the comments, they will be helpful as I finish this one off.

[hardtwistmusic]

not sure what he means by ''and then you will have to put it to music'' maybe I'm missing something

best, Kevin

Either the link wasn't there when I posted, or I just failed to notice it.  

Now that I've listened to this with the music, many of the points of my criticism go away.  Music sometimes does that. 

The repetetive piano sound that keeps the beat through the verses is a little too loud and "clangy" and it distracts from the song.  Just turn it down in the mix, and possibly dull it a little, and it's a really nice component.  (I think it's a piano - I'm not the best at picking out instruments from an ensemble.) 

Anyway, if you would like, I'll revisit this in a little while, and offer some specific suggestions lyrically. 

And.... if you would like to have this done as a duet, I'd be happy to perform half the song under your instruction.  Very do-able in the cyber age.