[The Color of Oldfield]

Heading in the right direction?

https://soundcloud.com/peteroldfield/ive-loved-you-before-wont-love-you-again

So many options for lyrics but choosing the right ones is proving difficult..
Lyrics are:

Im all out of faith
im all out of hope
Ive lost count of the times
You said I'm a joke
We fell out of the fire
And into the mire
Her screaming blue jeans
Will haunt me forever
Ive told you before
Wont tell you again
Ive loved you before
Wont love you again

Im all that you want
You're all i don't need
You say you're only half crazy
Oh how my heart bleeds
I fell out of control
And under your spell
Where this cruel twist of fate
That brought us together
You hurt before
Wont hurt me again
Ive Love you before
Wont love you again

[hardtwistmusic]

Heading in the right direction?

https://soundcloud.com/peteroldfield/ive-loved-you-before-wont-love-you-again

So many options for lyrics but choosing the right ones is proving difficult...

You could get a lot of help with the lyrics by posting them here, and asking for comments.  It would also help us to evaluate the song as a whole if the lyric were in front of us. 

That said, I couldn't find a thing to not like about your lyrics as I listened. 

[sundaysongsmiths]

Hi,
To me the song conveyed a lot of emotion, particularly the vocal which I liked.  A couple of things I wasn't sure about. The break almost sounded like two instrumental breaks back to back.  Also the lead guitar (which I really liked) has a lot of reverb on it.  I guess you wanted to push it back behind the vocals but I think it stayed back during the break. It was probably a style choice but perhaps the guitar would sound more contemporary with less reverb. Overall I think you did a really good job, like it a lot.
Regards,
Jay

[The Color of Oldfield]

Thanks Guys.

Ive played around with the song a little after reading your comments.

Lyrics are:

Im all out of faith
im all out of hope
Ive lost count of the times
You said I'm a joke
We fell out of the fire
And into the mire
Her screaming blue jeans
Will haunt me forever
Ive told you before
Wont tell you again
Ive loved you before
Wont love you again

Im all that you want
You're all i don't need
You say you're only half crazy
Oh how my heart bleeds
I fell out of control
And under your spell
Where this cruel twist of fate
That brought us together
You hurt before
Wont hurt me again
Ive Love you before
Wont love you again

[diademgrove]

I think the chorus is great, works really well. Not sure about the lead guitar doesn't reflect the power of the chorus, doesn't sound angry enough. It may be the reverb but I'm not convinced it is just that.

The piano interlude after the solo didn't work for me, sorry. The verse is basically saying tough you may need me but I don't need you. I think the music should reflect that sentiment.

Again the outro guitar should sound as lot more aggressive for me.

I would have used your screaming blue jeans rather than her to fit it in with you and we in the previous lines.

Overall I think you have enough for a very good song. Feel free to ignore me if you disagree.

Keith

[MartiMedia]

Hi, first of all: nice composition and arrangement! The mix can be improved imo, most instruments sound to far away and a bit dull. The vocals (nice singing btw) don't seem to integrate sit well the mix to me. Maybe some tweaking there, but I'm sure this is going to be a great production! MM

[hardtwistmusic]

If you go back to your original post and hit the "modify" button at the lower right corner, you can add the lyrics right in on that post, and they will be where everyone can find them. 

Before you do that, use the copy command to copy them from your post where the lyrics are, and then go to that original post. 

When you hit "modify" you can just paste them in. 

Much easier for us to review when your link and your lyrics are in the same post. 

Good luck. 

[The Color of Oldfield]

If you go back to your original post and hit the "modify" button at the lower right corner, you can add the lyrics right in on that post, and they will be where everyone can find them. 

Before you do that, use the copy command to copy them from your post where the lyrics are, and then go to that original post. 

When you hit "modify" you can just paste them in. 

Much easier for us to review when your link and your lyrics are in the same post. 

Good luck. 

Thanks for the tip Hardtwist!

[hardtwistmusic]

Thanks for the tip Hardtwist!

Glad it worked out.  Hope it helps you to get some helpful reviews.

[The Color of Oldfield]

Hi, first of all: nice composition and arrangement! The mix can be improved imo, most instruments sound to far away and a bit dull. The vocals (nice singing btw) don't seem to integrate sit well the mix to me. Maybe some tweaking there, but I'm sure this is going to be a great production! MM

Thanks Marti. Mixing I'm afraid isn't my strong point. Not sure what you mean by instruments sounding too far away. Do you mean low down in the mix?

I think i need to spend time experimenting with EQ to get the vocals sitting right.

Thanks for the constructive comments and the listen.

[kevysc]

Very interesting and original song ... I like your vocal style, sort of Bowie-like. I also really like the guitar work, adds a sense of menace / torment.

A choir at the end might work?

[The Color of Oldfield]

Believe it or not that guitar solo is off the cuff, take 1. I'm a little reluctant to change it.

Thanks for everyones feedback.

[Alan Starkie]

I was trying to think of who the vocal reminds me of and it only occurred right at the very end -

Nine Inch Nails - 'Hurt'.

The main issues in the mix for me were -

Vocals - more compression and down a touch
Guitar - Less reverb and down with vocals
Other instruments - up slightly
The piano break after then solo doesn't sit well because it is dry and you've just had a reverb soaked solo

Sort these (small) points and I think it will flow much better.

Enjoyed the song.