[diademgrove]

I feel the song loses some of its power as you move away from the heartbreak motel line.

I meant to post this earlier but football and work got in the way. I've sketched out a middle 8 which builds on the theme of suicide but provides a resolution whereby the singer carries on. Fell free to ignore my words or take whatever you feel will work.

Middle 8

I see my tears in the mirror
I see the bottle on the dresser
I feel the embrace of my mother
I feel the strength of my father
I hear the ticking of time
I hear laughter that isn't mine
I see sunbeams dance on the floor
I see my smile in the mirror

Hey Keith, thanks for your suggestions. As the 'Heartbreak Motel' line now seems equally divided on opinion, I've decided to go with it as it was my original idea.

I don't dislike your middle 8, in fact I think it's excellent. Unfortunately it doesn't in this instance reflect the reality of the thoughts and feelings that I listen to on a regular basis. The young people I work with certainly don't feel the embrace of their mother or the strength of their father. The last four lines may have some mileage and I might have a play with them if that's ok.

Feel free to rewrite them as you please. I thought the mother and father may not work, especially as they may be the reasons why. I wanted to show how it was possible to get from feeling suicidal to coming through the other end and they happened to fit the rhyming scheme.

Looking forward to what you come up with.

Keith

[Arkwright]

Hey Keith

Just a quick update to say I've used a couple of your suggested lines for a middle 8 and added a few of my own. It may not have turned out to give the impression of optimism you suggested but it's not all negative. Let me know what you and anyone else thinks.

[Arkwright]

OK... All change again. Decided to add another verse, but not sure it needs a middle eight as well. Would be ingested to hear peoples thoughts are on having a third verse but no middle eight or having both.

I'll post the lyrics again below to save people having to keep going back to the first page.

VERSE 1
When silence becomes
The only sound I hear
When every thought I have
Leaves me filled with fear
When the darkness falls
And the light fails to rise
When the world looks bleak
Through sightless eyes

CHORUS
I walk a fine line 
Between love and hate
While destiny fights
To enrich my fate
With a tainted heart 
I bid the world farewell
Checkin’ in once again
To life’s "Heartbreak Hotel'

VERSE 2
When all I have left
Is a heart prone to weep
When all I desire
Is dark endless sleep
When life passes by
And I miss the last train
When the tears that I shed
Are obscured by the rain

MIDDLE 8
I see the bottle on the dresser
I see the answer in the mirror
I hear the slow ticking of time
I hear the laughter that isn't mine
I feel the faith slipping away
I feel the need for a brighter day
I long for strength to help me cope
I long for someone to give me hope

VERSE 3
When I look in the mirror
And tell myself lies
When the smile turns to frown
And the laughter dies
When I reach for the bottle
And the well has run dry
When the pain is so real
And I can no longer cry

CHORUS
I walk a fine line 
Between love and hate
While destiny fights
To enrich my fate
With a tainted heart 
I bid the world farewell
Checkin’ out for the last
From life's "Heartbreak Hotel'

OUTRO
When a new day dawns
And my sorrows they cease
When the pain is no more
I can embrace my peace
When the pain is no more
I can embrace my peace