'Three Words'

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Alan Starkie

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« on: March 25, 2015, 10:33:35 PM »
Written this morning but on the back burner while I'm remixing/remastering existing songs.

It's an Iphone recording but you get the idea...

https://soundcloud.com/alanstarkie/three-words/s-e7Mlk


'Three words'


I've got three words
Written on some paper
Three little words
That just won't leave my mouth

No matter how I try to change them
They're still three words
Refusing to sing out loud

I've got three chords
Hidden in my guitar strings
I'm trying to make my fingers
Pull them out

So I can play them with those three words
I read what I've written
And tell myself that

You know what I want to say
You can you see it in my face
I'm trying every day
Tell me you can feel it

You know what I want to say
You can you see it in my face
I'm trying every day
Tell me you can feel it

I, I can't say those words
Love, love is a thing I can't describe
You, you are the one thing
I can't be without

It's so easy in my mind
But the courage
I can't find

CHORUS

Tell me you can feel it
Tell me you can feel it

diademgrove

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« Reply #1 on: March 25, 2015, 10:51:25 PM »
Hi Alan,

I enjoyed the melody, the guitar playing and most of the words. I wasn't keen on the guitar chords verse. It seems to put a barrier between me and the sentiments, as I'd have to be a guitar player to sing along. Hope that makes sense. I'd be tempted to replace them with the I, I can't say those words verse which leads nicely into the chorus which is excellent.

I'd put in a third verse which shows how you express love without saying the three words. This would show the listener that whilst you can't say "I love you" you certainly can express it. When you sing the chorus the listener is waiting for the person to say yes they can feel it.

Please ignore me if you disagree. As I said I enjoyed the playing and singing. Definitely got potential.

Keith


hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2015, 07:10:12 AM »
I read the whole thing afraid that you were going to break the tension and just tell us the "three words." 

It's perfect that you never did.   Maintains the tension throughout.... and telling us would have been totally unnecessary and counterproductive. 

Perfectly done.
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

Paulski

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« Reply #3 on: March 28, 2015, 01:30:04 AM »
Really nice tune Alan.
I loved the lyrics.
The only area that didn't work for me was the chord prog behind the words "in my face".
There's something out of chord there in the melody that sounds wrong to me.
Knowing you though it will prob get sorted when you do the full up version.
good write!
Paul

benjo

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« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2015, 03:19:44 PM »

 HEY ALAN

 man I think you could have a lyric here
 the first verse is absolutely magic and opens this up so well
 
 this needs to be kept as simple s possible
 say it al with minimum words IMO

 the verse I've got three chords needs to be sung carefully clear
 it sounded to me like three cards, and I thought WHAT
 when you say  I'M TRYING TO MAKE MY FINGERS this sounds very laboursome
 don't take it the wrong way these are only SUGGS alan and hope they help in some way
 
 good luck with this alan below is an idea of tightening a little

          I've got three chords
          Hiding in my guitar strings
          my fingers are searching
          to find them as I sing
 
          so this song will work
          I read what is written
          and tell myself that
                   
         I, I can't say those words
         Love, love I can't describe
         You, you are the one thing
         that I want by my side

             
            good luck alan

             tony







jmacdon

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« Reply #5 on: April 02, 2015, 09:37:08 PM »
This is a great ditty and the iPhone is an awesome tool for those off-the-cuff recordings :-)

You have some great chord changes in here - so I'm a happy bunny.  it's a a nice pop track, more young love than AOR......but you have a great melody and , dare I say, I'm now going to be singing/humming " I got three words..... " for the next 5 days.....

J.

PS: I've just had a flashback.  This is a bit HSM....... not a bad thing.   I'm sure Disney have half a dozen musicals in pre-production.... this song will fit one of them :-)

J.

Wicked Deeds

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« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2015, 10:37:23 AM »
Beautiful as ever Alan. You should give a songwriting class on YouTube.  I don't really  ever feel the need tooffer advice. Now that may be disappointing but honestly, I simply know the writing is safe in your hands.

Sorry buddy for the lack of constructive criticism - simply enjoy what you do!

Paul
" I could wait with balance and poise, amidst all of the noise."

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Mystic Dreamer

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« Reply #7 on: April 10, 2015, 06:35:06 PM »
This is really nice work Alan.  It sounds totally complete with just guitar and vocals.   I always enjoy these uncluttered guitar/vocal songs.  This sounds so natural and true.

Alan Starkie

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« Reply #8 on: April 10, 2015, 08:28:18 PM »
Thanks all for the comments.

Think I'll leave this one as a simple acoustic song when I get round to recording it.

I'm in the middle of remixing and remastering at the mo but this will be the next song defo.

I'm most comfortable with acoustic arrangements so this one will be a lot of fun.

Cheers

crystalsuzy

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« Reply #9 on: April 14, 2015, 11:00:48 AM »
I can't believe that you can get that good a recording on an iphone  :o It's so clear...

This is really sweet Alan and I love the simplicity of it  :) Please keep it as is  :)

I really like the melody and when you go up to the higher register in the chorus is lovely :)

Nice one Alan :)

Alan Starkie

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« Reply #10 on: April 21, 2015, 10:21:36 PM »
All done...

Skub

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« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2015, 10:16:17 PM »
Oh my,that is classy stuff.  8)

The song is right there,I wouldn't add or subtract a thing. Gorgeous.