[hardtwistmusic]

I completely re-did the music, and am posting it as a "finished song" in spite of some remaining glitches in the accompaniment.  With help from many on this forum, I've had an epiphany about how to set up the tracks of music.  I think this "finished version" is not only a real improvement on what I had, but is also the best thing I've done. 

Please don't be shy about telling me differently.  I need to know.   

I AM THE EARTH

www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verse:   

I am the clouds, I am the wind.
I am the tide that's rolling in.
I am the rivers, I am the sea.
I am the air that you breathe.

Chorus: 

I am the earth and I am not your property.
I am here for you to use... but I do not belong to you.
If anything, You belong to me.]

VERSE: 

I am the woods, I am the plain.
I am the desert you cannot tame.
I am the ice, I am the stone.
The only place you've ever known.

CHORUS:   

I am the earth and I am not your property.
I am here for you to use... but I do not belong to you.
If anything, You belong to me.

BRIDGE:   

I have nurtureed you, sustained you.
I am the soil from which you grew.
You're contempt for me
is not easily explained.

Short Chorus to out: 

I am the earth and I am not your property.
If anything, you belong to me.

[Marrianna]

HTM

That is so much better now!! Congratulations!! The song is clearer and vocals more confident sounding.The strings could be held across for longer because, to me, they seem to cut out too suddenly. They don't really have to be there at all because, for me, it is the song and it is a lyric and music I like.
 You've improved it so much and can see why you are pleased. 

Lovely song. 

Marrianna

[onemanband]

Hey Verlon,

  Sounds a lot less cluttered and it allows the song the space it deserves.

We've only got one Earth best start looking after it.

Science fact - Venus's day is longer then its year.

  Good luck

[Neil C]

Verlon,
I liked the verse with the unusual key changes, got my attention.
Was less sure about the chorus ,the melody and chords seemed too obvious to me.
As an arrangement it does sound well done. Only thing I'd watch out for is the synth strings are a bit binary when they come in, perhaps have them a bit more in the chorus building in the background? 
I liked the ending when it stopped and indeed wanted it to carry on if that makes sense.
Succinct
 
Neil

[benjo]

 HEY VERLON

 yeah right away the improvement is very clear good job on that
 
 this is a very good topic and a solid foundation for a song
 you've picked out some good elements to sing about in there too
 
 the only thing that niggled me a little and it was just a little
 was in this verse the word known
 it just stood out to me and didn't feel right, could just be me
 but I made a SUGG below just another word that might work
 but its your lyric so whatever you decide good job bud
                             
 I am the woods, I am the plain.
 I am the desert you cannot tame.
 I am the ice, I am the stone.
 The only place you've ever roamed

          tony



       

[Owen Ffrancon]

Hey Verlon!

I'm generally in agreement with all of the comments that have been in this thread. I think that one thing that could add to the song is some digital reverb, to make it sound as if it's been recorded in a larger space. I find reverb to be very useful, but you've got to be very careful with it. It's normally best to go for the most natural sound, as if you were singing in a medium sized concert hall, but definitely don't use too much!

Hope this helps

[hardtwistmusic]

HTM

The strings could be held across for longer because, to me, they seem to cut out too suddenly.

Marrianna

Interestingly, I'm getting mixed reviews on that subject.  I'll keep listening and see if a pattern of consensus begins to emerge.  Thanks for listening, and thanks for noticing. 

[digger72]

Hi Verlon,

i've never noticed before but your voice sounds a little like Michael Stipe's, or vice versa.
The new version definitely has more clarity and the vocal takes control of the song.
I agree about the strings being a little abrupt - sound like they are emphasising something.

Nice to hear a song about our home.

Cheers,
Digger

[hardtwistmusic]

Hey Verlon,

  Sounds a lot less cluttered and it allows the song the space it deserves.

  Good luck

Thanks for the input.  Less cluttered and more dramatic was what I was aiming at.  It took nearly four years from first receiving input that my music was too "flat" to finally understand what it meant and what to do about it. 

I had to just keep plodding along trying new things and getting incrementally better, until I finally had a flash of insight. 

Never would have happened without this forum. Thank you all. 

[crystalsuzy]

Way to go htm this sounds so much more polished then the previous recording

I'm so happy that you've had some breakthroughs with this very complicated 'hobby'

recording and producing a song is very difficult and very time consuming, so good for you for
hanging in there I'm still plodding along with all this as well, and every little epiphany is so
helpful 
I agree about he synth sounding a little too abrupt when it comes in and leaves...it maybe a little
too loud in the mix some reverb might help as well 
Some spacey harmony in the chorus might sound nice...just ask if you want me to give it a try

[hardtwistmusic]

I liked the verse with the unusual key changes, got my attention.

Only thing I'd watch out for is the synth strings are a bit binary when they come in, perhaps have them a bit more in the chorus building in the background? 

I liked the ending when it stopped and indeed wanted it to carry on if that makes sense.

I like that key change too.  If I'd known what I was doing when I wrote it, I probably wouldn't have done that.  I like it too much to take out now. 

I'm not sure what you mean by "binary."  Could you explain that? 

I wish I was better at being succinct.  Best rule is "always leave them wanting more."  This song does that (I hope) but some of mine drag on. 

Thanks for the help. 

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi Verlon,

i've never noticed before but your voice sounds a little like Michael Stipe's, or vice versa.
The new version definitely has more clarity and the vocal takes control of the song.
I agree about the strings being a little abrupt - sound like they are emphasising something.

Nice to hear a song about our home.

Cheers,
Digger

Thank you for the comparison to Michael Stipe.  One of my favorite songs to sing is "Man in the Moon." 

Regarding the strings being "too abrupt."  That does seem to be the consensus.  I did it for dramatic effect, and it was something I really liked. 

But there is a time (when the pattern of feedback from listeners tells you differently than you want to hear) to bow to feedback instead of your own instincts. 

I happily and gratefully bow to the feedback and will change that. 

Thank you for helping. 

[hardtwistmusic]

Hey Verlon!

I'm generally in agreement with all of the comments that have been in this thread. I think that one thing that could add to the song is some digital reverb, to make it sound as if it's been recorded in a larger space. I find reverb to be very useful, but you've got to be very careful with it. It's normally best to go for the most natural sound, as if you were singing in a medium sized concert hall, but definitely don't use too much!

Hope this helps

Hi Owen.  I appreciate and agree with your suggestion regarding reverb.  I am a poor "producer" though, and avoid reverb because I'm not good with it.  I tend to overdo it when I use it and just cannot seem to find that point when "just enough" becomes "too much." 

I think it's a great idea... if/when someone else is the producer.  Thank you for noticing.

[hardtwistmusic]

Some spacey harmony in the chorus might sound nice...just ask if you want me to give it a try

I would be absolutely thrilled if you wanted to do something with this.  If you would be willing to download a (free - download) software called "Notation Player" If you had it, I could send you the complete musical notation so that you can see and hear every note.  

Otherwise, I can send you mp3 music of any, and/or all the tracks individually.  

OR.... I can send you all this in Midi format.  

OR  any way you would like.  

Thank You for the offer.  

AND just so that the whole forum knows.  There are only a few of my songs that are NOT available for collaboration with.  

Those songs are only "unavailable" because they are already the result of collaborations and I don't have complete freedom to share credit or ownership on them.

[Alan Starkie]

Great chord changes here.

The strings need to go I think.

Regarding reverb, try adding a room reverb with pre delay to keep the original vocal nice and clear.
Add enough so you can definitely hear it and then back it off a touch.

Good song. I enjoyed the listen.

Alan.