[Mark Ryan]

After having a wee discussion with Mr Nighthawk I decided to spend an hour updating this before going to work, so here is the new and hopefully improved version. I've left the other one up too for comparisons.

https://soundcloud.com/stookiebhoy/gone-rethought-remixed-and-remastered


Ok number 2 in the list of possibilities. Written a couple of months ago and is not about what people perceive the song to be about, which is deliberate on my part, so you can speculate if you like

Dead simple wee country folk song which was a 1 take special so I know there's sync and production issues, but the heart of the song is there, and is as finished as it's going to be before possibly going to the studio.

Hope you all enjoy it, comments, reviews, and critique much appreciated.

Mark

https://soundcloud.com/stookiebhoy/gone


Gone

I heard a whisper on the breeze
The years have flown just like the birds up in the trees
This castle built with sweat and tears
Has crumbled round us realising all our fears

Now you’re gone
Now you’re gone
Take a look at all the damage that you’ve done
Now you’re gone
Now you’re gone away

I watched the sun begin to fade
The shadows grow around the plans that we both made
The letters carved inside the stone
The hollow portrait starving down to skin and bone

Now you’re gone
Now you’re gone
And I can’t believe the damage that you’ve done
Now you’re gone
Now you’re gone away

The eerie silence fills the damp and dusty air
An unmade bed we used to lay
And in the corner an abandoned rocking chair
Is now a life in slow decay

The castle’s empty now and cold
There’s nothing left except the ghosts of days of old
The door is hanging by a thread
The dreams behind it all imprisoned in my head

Now you’re gone
Now you’re gone
Do you realise the damage that you’ve done
Now you’re gone
Now you’re gone away

Now you’re gone
Now you’re gone
Take a look at all the damage that you’ve done
Now you’re gone
Now you’re gone
Where there used to be a reason now there’s none
Now you’re gone
Now you’re gone away

[diademgrove]

Hi Mark,

I like most of the song, reminds me of the Spinners for some reason. There's a couple of things that didn't work for me, when I sing it in my head I don't hear the "away" at the end of the chorus and the ending is a bit sweet.

I see the song as political and imagine it being sung to Margaret Thatcher, which explains my suggestions. That's your fault though, you did ask me to speculate about the song.

As ever, feel free to ignore my thoughts if you disagree,

Keith   

[Mark Ryan]

Hi Mark,

I like most of the song, reminds me of the Spinners for some reason. There's a couple of things that didn't work for me, when I sing it in my head I don't hear the "away" at the end of the chorus and the ending is a bit sweet.

I see the song as political and imagine it being sung to Margaret Thatcher, which explains my suggestions. That's your fault though, you did ask me to speculate about the song.

As ever, feel free to ignore my thoughts if you disagree,

Keith   

Hi Keith,
I did write a song about Thatcher, however it wasn't nearly as nice as this one. This is mourning loss, the Thatcher song was good riddance and burn in hell etc..... I didn't release it in case I got sued for copyright infringement, as 'Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead' had already been done  Good guess but no cigar I'm afraid 

The away at the end of the chorus has to be sung otherwise there's no resolution and we're stuck on the 5th trying to get back to the 1 chord.

Thanks for the review, very much appreciated

Mark

[diademgrove]

Hi Mark,

my musical ear is not very good, as my singing shows so I missed the 5th resolution. I would have thought no resolution in the melody would have been a good way of showing loss. I may have heard that in my head.

I'll give up guessing the real reason for the song.

Keith

[Mark Ryan]

Hi Mark,

my musical ear is not very good, as my singing shows so I missed the 5th resolution. I would have thought no resolution in the melody would have been a good way of showing loss. I may have heard that in my head.

I'll give up guessing the real reason for the song.

Keith

I understand what you're saying Keith, and this sometimes works, especially if you're going straight into the next verse from it as that would bring you back to the 1 chord naturally. But in this case there's a short riff in between chorus and the next verse so it requires it to be resolved in order for the song to keep flowing.

Don't give up guessing cos your first one was very interesting

[Neil C]

Mark,
Really nice and simple. Like it a lot. Vocals ride it really well.
I wasn't sure about the 'away'. It wasn't the note rather the gap from the proceeding 'gone' made it sound a bit artificial or afterthought. I don't know but perhaps 'gone away' might work.
I'd keep to simple as possible.
Sweet and direct.
 
Neil

[TheButcher]

everything sounds very nice.

classic singer songwriter stuff -  no problem with the "away" for me

percussion sounds artificial; does t fit the genre very well in my ears. play pretty much the same, all the time.
i like the bass and the small piano bits (or is it a harp).

end comes a little quick; i d let the instruments ring out for a few more seconds.

as i said, the song is really nice - it s a little too "nice" for me but that s my problem.

good work (except the drums/percussion); very good songwriting - i also like this one better than your other - the piano did t do it for me.

B.

[Mark Ryan]

Neil - Glad you like the track and thanks for the comments.

Butcher - I agree wholeheartedly with the percussion it's not good, but like I said in my initial post, this was a one take job to get it down, so rest assured that's not going to be there It is a harp mate so well spotted.
The ending is very deliberate, that's why I moved on to the minor 4th, I didn't want it dragging out.
The fact you like this better than the last one has given me food for thought now, thanks.

[montydog]

Hi Mark,

First impressions - lovely clear, easy and relaxed vocal in good balance with the picked acoustic guitar. Instantly appealing, easy to listen to and emotionally "true". What I'm trying to say is that it sounds like it's sung from the heart and it's not a formula that's driving the writing. Personally I loved the tambourine but I'm a big fan of the instrument so I'm biased.

Lyrics are fine. I thought they read as a little too sweet but the authenticity in the vocal rendered that thought redundant. The "away" bit at the end of the lines I think could either stay or go. Either way would work.

It's more commercial and impactful than the last one you posted but if you're choosing songs for an album, you want a mix of song types, not just everything up or everything down.

Very professional and competent. A level for us to aspire to.

M

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

Impossible to fault the song-writing. Solid construction and a very good melody. A really good, strong melody throughout. Catchy, memorable chorus.

Great vocal.

Desperately looking for something to criticise, well, not desperately.....I did wonder only about the 'door hanging by a thread' line but, as you're being enigmatic about the song's subject matter, it may be fitting....and for all I know you might favour doors made of denim...

Really good, and though I also find it a bit too 'nice' personally, it's a bloody good nice song.

And I like the 'away'!

[Mark Ryan]

Hi Mark,

First impressions - lovely clear, easy and relaxed vocal in good balance with the picked acoustic guitar. Instantly appealing, easy to listen to and emotionally "true". What I'm trying to say is that it sounds like it's sung from the heart and it's not a formula that's driving the writing. Personally I loved the tambourine but I'm a big fan of the instrument so I'm biased.

Lyrics are fine. I thought they read as a little too sweet but the authenticity in the vocal rendered that thought redundant. The "away" bit at the end of the lines I think could either stay or go. Either way would work.

It's more commercial and impactful than the last one you posted but if you're choosing songs for an album, you want a mix of song types, not just everything up or everything down.

Very professional and competent. A level for us to aspire to.

M

Well what can I say except to offer my gratitude for such a 'nice' review I'm really pleased you liked the song Monty. I think the tambourine is the right instrument for the song, I just don't think I did a very good job of it on this, and given more time on it I would have broken the rhythms up a bit to add variation, but like I said it was a "let's get it down and we'll worry about the fine details later" sort of thing.
Once again many thanks for the great review, as always much appreciated
Mark

[Mark Ryan]

Impossible to fault the song-writing. Solid construction and a very good melody. A really good, strong melody throughout. Catchy, memorable chorus.

Great vocal.

Desperately looking for something to criticise, well, not desperately.....I did wonder only about the 'door hanging by a thread' line but, as you're being enigmatic about the song's subject matter, it may be fitting....and for all I know you might favour doors made of denim...

Really good, and though I also find it a bit too 'nice' personally, it's a bloody good nice song.

And I like the 'away'!

Hi Cramer,
The door hanging by a thread line works if you're from the UK, as 'hanging by a thread' is a common saying here, so I assume you're from another part of the world It just means it's off the hinges and about to fall down.

I'm surprised people are finding this too "nice" because it's actually quite a dark song, although not knowing what the subject matter is I can see why people would maybe think that.

I'm glad you liked the song and thank you so much for the very kind words and review.

Mark

[DevyE]

Hi Mark

It's a very pleasant song, and very nice clean fingerpicking, I didn't hear any mistakes and I fluff all over the place. I couldn't make up my mind whether it sounded like an uptempo Sweet Baby James or Streets Of London with percussion but that didn't distract from the enjoyment.

Think I prefer the line "Do you realise the damage that you’ve done"  as it's difficult to "Take a look at all the damage that you’ve done" if you've gone.

Nice one 

[Dogmax]

Really lovely song Mark everything move along nicely didn't get tired listening, im picturing a nice cool pint of Guinness and a little half one in a late night friendly bar with you sitting in the corner playing that song.

Ah yes very nice, the Guinness that is     and song.

[Vintage54]

     Greetings Mark,
          Great song. To my ears, nothing at all wrong with this. Love the rhythm, the melody, the singing, and the tambourine. I wouldn't mess too much with this, tinkering could spoil what you already have, and as i said, it's just great. I don't see it as sweet at all. To speculate on the meaning, well, "The damage that you've done" is the key line, i think. Suicide, leaves damage, or some other self inflicted cause that leads to loss, drugs maybe? I may be wide of the mark, but it really doesn't matter. Also agree with "Butcher" think this is superior to your previous post. The bar is set.

                                   Cracking!
                                      Vintage54