[hardtwistmusic]

I wrote this three years ago, and it was met with mixed reviews.  I have some ideas for how to improve it musically, but would like any additional input.  Thanks in advance.  

I AM THE EARTH

www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verse:  

I am the clouds, I am the wind.
I am the tide that's rolling in.
I am the rivers, I am the sea.
I am the air that you breathe.

Chorus:  

I am the earth and I am not your property.
I am here for you to use... but I do not belong to you.
If anything, You belong to me.]

VERSE:  

I am the woods, I am the plain.
I am the desert you cannot tame.
I am the ice, I am the stone.
The only place you've ever known.

CHORUS:  

I am the earth and I am not your property.
I am here for you to use... but I do not belong to you.
If anything, You belong to me.]

BRIDGE:  

I have nurtureed you, sustained you.
I am the soil from which you grew.
You're contempt for me
cannot be explained.

Short Chorus to out:  

I am the earth and I am not your property.
If anything, you belong to me.

[diademgrove]

Hi Verlon,

I like the song. I'm not sure the instrumentation though. I may have sang "I nurture you, sustain you" in the bridge. To me the present tense sounds right. My only other suggestion is to maybe double track the chorus to make it jump out a little more from the verses.

Agree with the sentiments behind the words as well.

Feel free to take what you want and disregard the rest,

Keith

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi Verlon,

My only other suggestion is to maybe double track the chorus to make it jump out a little more from the verses.


Keith

Wow.  It's fascinating that I'd have never thought of such a simple device to accentuate the chorus.  It was right there in front of my face, but if you hadn't  mentioned it, I'd have never thought of it. 

Yet another marvelous learning experience on the Songwriter forum. 

I thank you for your feedback and the idea.  It's applicable on a lot of songs.

[diademgrove]

I hope it works and look forward to hearing it if it does.

[janac]

I absolutely love the line:
If anything, You belong to me.

I don't think I've ever heard that before.
Since that's such I good line, if it were me, I would
change your chorus from

I am the earth and I am not your property.
I am here for you to use... but I do not belong to you.
If anything, You belong to me.

to this:

I am the earth and I am not your property.
If anything, You belong to me.

Which is what you had at the end of the song, and I think
that works really well. It has more impact and is, by
the way, the truth.

That's my two cents.

[hardtwistmusic]

Janac:  Thank you so much for your feedback.  I'll give serious consideration to your suggestion over the next few days.  I'll be working on making the music for this more suitable next week. 

And thank your letting me know you like it.  This one is real personally satisfying for me, and I'm very happy when people like it.

[Marrianna]

To Hardtwistmusic,

I so agree with the message in this song, if only it could be listened to and understood by the world.

Your singing became more 'confident' if that is the word, as you got into the song and even if you don't see yourself as a performer, you need to convince that you believe in it.

 You have lots of admirers of your song which I can be added to.

If you record again, maybe you should just take the volume down slightly on your keyboard so your voice is really clear. This is just how I see it and not meant to be a harsh criticism.

Good Luck
Marrianna

[hardtwistmusic]

To Hardtwistmusic,

I so agree with the message in this song, if only it could be listened to and understood by the world.

Your singing became more 'confident' if that is the word, as you got into the song and even if you don't see yourself as a performer, you need to convince that you believe in it.

 You have lots of admirers of your song which I can be added to.

If you record again, maybe you should just take the volume down slightly on your keyboard so your voice is really clear. This is just how I see it and not meant to be a harsh criticism.

Good Luck
Marrianna

Your advice about the keyboard is very helpful.  I could hear that SOMETHING was wrong, but couldn't tell what it was.   

One thing I'll do is remove a lot of the quarter notes in the keyboard music and replace them with half or full note.  That will help the vocals to dominate the keyboard a little better. 

The key to keeping that "confident sound" throughout the song will be to sing it twice through and record only the second "sing through" so that I'm already rolling when I begin to record. 

Thank you for listening so thoroughly and helping. 

[Marrianna]

Hi  can I call you HTM?

I wonder if you have separate volume controls as using them can make a lot of difference to your sound. If you are using an automatic rhythm i.e. for country or ballad, for example, you could then adjust the volume away from the instruments.

I expect you know this, but just in case!

Marrianna

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi  can I call you HTM?

Absolutely.   

I have a mixing software and can record each line of music as a separate track if I so choose.  That's complex and I don't often do it. 

But the vocals are always a separate line. 

In most cases, the simplest solution is the best... (i.e. turning up the volume on the vocal).  BUT... in this case, now that it's been pointed out, I can hear that parts of the music are competing for attention.  I think the simplest solution that fits this case is a little subtraction from the music lines and THEN adjust the volume to fill the void. 

Thanks for your insight and input.  This really is a great forum. 

[tone]

Hey HardTwist

Great subject for a song, so hats off to you there. I think your song has a lot going for it, but there's a couple of things getting in the way.

It sounds like a country-ish track to me, and I wonder if it might enjoy wearing some of the costume if you catch my drift. I understand why you've chosen the accompaniment you have, but I can't help feeling it gets in the way of the melody and the lyric.

It's partly because the drums and the keyboard are too proud, and maybe could do with some stereo positioning, but I think it's more than that. For my ears, it's too busy. I'd like to hear less going on behind the voice so I can really appreciate that melody and lyric.

If you have the time and inclination, I'd recommend playing around with different rhythm tracks to really bring the best out in this song.

That last line "if anything, you belong to me" is really great. Nice work.

[hardtwistmusic]

For my ears, it's too busy. I'd like to hear less going on behind the voice so I can really appreciate that melody and lyric.

I'm proud to say that you guys have begun getting through to me.   I could hear the "too busy" myself, and have already begun "un-busying it."   Going to remove a lot of the shorter notes and make the full notes carry more of the load. 

I've listened enough to the music here, and to the critiques that I'm actually developing an "ear" of my own.  When I read your critique, I got really proud to have heard the same thing you heard.  It shows I'm growing. 

Thank you so much.  GOD I LOVE THIS FORUM.   

[onemanband]

Hi ya Verlon,

Been off the forum for awhile hope you're keeping well.

I will add a plus 1 to decluttering this track a little. I enjoyed the theme though and always find your voice hypnotic too listen to.

Just as a quick lyrical suggestion, how about changing the perspective on one of the verses instead of "I am" changing it to "you are" it might add to the overall sentiment of the song.

Good luck

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi ya Verlon,

Just as a quick lyrical suggestion, how about changing the perspective on one of the verses instead of "I am" changing it to "you are" it might add to the overall sentiment of the song.

Good luck

I looked at that after you suggested it.  You made me think, and I'm considering changing the perspective throughout to "we are the earth".   I probably won't do it until I get the music re-worked.  Even then, I hate to tinker with a lyric that has so much personal meaning to me. 

This was not intended as a lyric.  It was a poem that I never really considered adding music to.  Then I wrote music for another song that didn't work.  But it fit this poem almost perfectly.  A fortuitous accident. 

[Dogmax]

First of all your title "I Am the Earth" is prefect for your lyrics i see many cultures many nations but most of all continents in your words but forgive me your music sounds like a preacher looking down upon them, what i like to do is sit within lyrics and let them tell me what way they like to go and then we have a conversation, as i said your title "I Am the Earth" is prefect for your lyrics.

You got something here that sounds like taking a walk through a forest and hugging a tree so im hoping you're not reading my words the wrong way but i really do like your lyrics but also im thinking your music is taking the old long way around in other words the scenic route is not just along the coastal line but also a walk through a forest.

I'm hearing your music is in the back ground but the front line is strings but vocals has to be heard in such a way that your title "I Am the Earth" has to be understood.

Nice one Verlon.