[Vintage54]

                          Where i want to be

                    Out in the country
                    Thats where i belong
                    With the full moon applauding
                    The coyotes song
                    Where the intimate starfields
                    Watch over me
                    Out in the country
                    Thats where i want to be

                    Up in the mountains
                    Where the clear waters flow
                    And the sun lies like silver
                    On blankets of snow
                    And the unearthly eagle
                    Soars silent and free
                    Up in the mountains
                    Thats where i want to be

                    In the heart of the forest
                    Where no feet ever trod
                    In a place that still keeps
                    Its connection with God
                    And the suns golden fingers
                    Guild the leaves on each tree
                    In the heart of the forest
                    Thats where i want to be

                    Out on the ocean
                    Where the salt water stings
                    And the light falls in flashes
                    On albatross wings
                    And sleek smiling dolphins
                    Cut the water with me
                    Out on the ocean
                    Thats where i want to be.

           
                   

[Paulski]

Hey Vintage!
Closing each stanza with the hook - I love that structure!
Nice work here - that first verse is especially good.
Couldn't find any flaws in this one my friend.
Paul

[hardtwistmusic]

Very nicely done.  This accepts a tune well, and has a coherent, consistent message. 

One nit  --   I'd lose the "ocean" verse.  It's consistent, but not consistent with the rest at the same time.  The ocean is remote and open and big.... but it's often a different kind of person who identifies with the "oceanic life" than with the landlocked outdoor life.   

The first three verses said "country song" to me.... while that ocean verse said "Hippy song."   It will be hard to let it go, because it's such a well written verse... but it's my opinion that it limits your audience down. 

[lillypilly]

Hi Vintage

Another good write and it flows ever so nicely

You have described some really cool things but it would be good to use another sense like smell of the forest and sea etc

cheers

[PeeJay]

Hi Vintage,

I liked this. Gave that feeling of freedom.  

Plenty of good lines and not just a golden sun but a silver one too depending on the environment!

Three verses for landlubbers and one for seafarers.  

Phil.

[Neil C]

Simple, great lines and imagry in there. It rhymes really well and has an energy when you read it.
I like its brevity too.
 
Neil