Living

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Vintage54

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« on: February 03, 2015, 09:59:40 PM »

                                   Living

            There's a cemetary down the lane
            That keeps calling out my name
            But i'm still coming i aint ready to go
            There's still juice inside of me
            I'm still hanging on the tree
            While the wind sweeps up the dead leaves down below

            Some men die before they're done
            Like worn out engines cease to run
            But i'm still dancing down the avenue
            I still want to fall in love
            Wonder at the stars above
            See the glory of a new day breaking through

            I won't be hungry when i leave the table
            I won't be chewing over sad regrets
            I'm gonna push the boat out while i'm able
            Sail into the sun before it sets

            When i can only sleep in bed
            When a pretty girl can't turn my head
            I'll know the time has come for me to stop
            If they ask you did my spirit fly
            Did i drink life's ocean dry
            Tell them that i didn't waste a drop

            But i'm still up and moving round
            Still making plans and covering ground
            Though i know one day i'll have to take a seat
            If your'e standing by my grave someday
            These are the words i hope you say
            It's the only time the grass grew round his feet

            I wont be hungry when i leave the table
            I wont be chewing over sad regrets
            I'm gonna push the boat out while i'm able
            Sail into the sun before it sets.

Bernd

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« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2015, 01:57:07 PM »
Nice one. Like :-) Good imagery, positive sentiment, feel-good stuff.

It's "cemetery", BTW, three "e".

Cheers,
Bernd
Bernd
good lyricist, mediocre songwriter, lousy musician
likes rock but writes for anybody anyway ;-)

Paulski

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« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2015, 06:44:25 PM »
Hi Vintage

It's a strong write structure wise and there are some great metaphors and images here.
TBH for me, it kind of jumped around a bit too much metaphorically. For example in the second stanza it jumps from a "worn out engine" to a person dancing. And in the chorus (?) he's sitting at a table chewing then we jump to a boat/water scene. The images are well painted, but they come at us rapid-fire but maybe that was your intent. The only other nit I have is "taking a seat" when you die. I know you wanted a rhyme for feet, but I usually think we lie down when we die..
Sorry for the sh*tstorm of negatives - if I pointed out the positives we'd be here all day... ;D ;D
Paul

Vintage54

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« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2015, 08:58:06 PM »

       Hi Bernd, And the ever present Paulski, and thanks for the comments. Paulski, what i meant by "One day i'll have to take a seat" was getting tired and slowing down, death comes later. God! i'm cheerful. I have to say, that of all the lyrics iv'e posted on here, this is my personal favourite. But to each his own my friend. Oh, by the way Paulski, had a listen to your latest offering on the finished songs section, first time iv'e checked you out on there. I was most impressed, particularly with your voice. Are you sure it belongs to that baby face of yours? Nice one.
     
                                 Vintage54

Paulski

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« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2015, 11:09:01 PM »

       Hi Bernd, And the ever present Paulski, and thanks for the comments. Paulski, what i meant by "One day i'll have to take a seat" was getting tired and slowing down, death comes later. God! i'm cheerful. I have to say, that of all the lyrics iv'e posted on here, this is my personal favourite. But to each his own my friend. Oh, by the way Paulski, had a listen to your latest offering on the finished songs section, first time iv'e checked you out on there. I was most impressed, particularly with your voice. Are you sure it belongs to that baby face of yours? Nice one.
     
                                 Vintage54
Thanks for that Vintage - no that voice belongs to an old fart that looks just like me !!