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What's Left Is Mine - WIP

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beckylucythomas

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« on: January 11, 2015, 11:16:50 PM »
If anyone has any advice to help me finish this WIP i'd be super grateful!!!

It's been a bit stop-starty for ages, so I just figured, I'm probably never going to get it finished if I don't get it out there and, fingers crossed, get some advice.....  :D

It's obvs way more uptempo than my usual, and I'm trying to suss out compression (which I'm basically clueless about) to help give it the punchiness I want, and whatever else might help it come together.....

The instrument arrangement is still pretty simple at the mo - just piano, bass and drums.... does it need more?

So mainly I'm hoping for production advice and arrangement advice...but if anything else jumps out at you, please feel free to stick it to me  :)

https://soundcloud.com/beckylucythomas/whats-left-is-mine-wip

Lyrics

I was broken, I was gone
I was cast out from where I belong
I was cast out from the battleground where you won
But I'm coming back, oh I'm coming back strong

I was lost in the fog of your lungs
I was speechless and talking in tongues
I was breathless, the air all gone
But I'm coming back, oh I'm coming back strong

Always paper and scissors and stones
Always a pawn in a game of thrones
Always left like the chalk of old bones
On the pavement, on a dead-end road

All you've taken is time
Well I ain't wasting no more of mine
I ain't waiting for no change of mind
What's left is mine, oh what's left is mine

I got war-wounds honey, I got scars
I had a hangman stringing up my beating heart
You need reminders that you played your part?
Well what goes around honey, yeah it comes back fast

Well don't be fooled, no this heart ain't weak
This was only a tactical retreat
I'm moving on, oh yeah I'm on my feet
What I'm serving up honey, gonna taste so sweet

Always paper and scissors and stones
Always a pawn in a game of thrones
All that's left is the chalk of your bones
On the pavement, on a dead-end road

All you've taken is time
I ain't standing honey, standing in line
I ain't waiting for no change of mind
What's left is mine, oh what's left is mine

All you've taken is time
I ain't standing honey, standing in line
I ain't waiting for no change of mind
What's left is mine, oh what's left is mine
« Last Edit: January 13, 2015, 12:56:31 PM by Becky nee caco »

beckylucythomas

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« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2015, 07:32:00 AM »
Oops......link posting fail.....now fixed   ;D

diademgrove

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« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2015, 10:24:39 PM »
Hi Becky,

what a way to end the day. I don't think you need any more instruments, less is definitely more. I thought the bass could be tamed a little. In my headphones it was very boomy and overpowered the vocal and piano. I thought the vocal should have been out front a bit more.

The lyrics work well with the music. Not sure about the "gonna taste so sweet" line as its only gonna taste sweet to you not him, which is quite a leap for the listener to make, not sure what you could replace it with though.

As I said a great way to finish the day.

Keith

took-the-red-pill

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« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2015, 11:30:28 PM »
HI Becky,

I think you're closer than you think.

Things I like:

The arrangement works for me. It's very compelling.
You have a sense of what sounds good and I like that.
The mix is a lot better than your assessment of it would suggest
I like how you make us wait to bring in the bass. Just when we think we've heard all you have, you add that nice little touch and fill it out.
I agree that you don't necessarily need any more instrumentation. Simple is never a bad thing.
By the way, YOU CAN WRITE, sister. Love the lyrics.

Things I would look at:

That bass is a bit hot(loud). Find a similar female artist, doing a similar style of music, cue up their song and yours, make them the same overall volume, and flip back and forth between yours and theirs. Listen for the drums, the piano, the voice, and the bass, and compare by flipping back and forth between yours and theirs(In the biz, it's call to A-B them).

If  you notice that, "jeez, my bass is a lot louder than theirs relative to everything else," turn it down. Ditto if something is a bit too quiet.

Some of that is probably the EQ settings, but it sounds like you're kinda just starting out, so let's not throw too much at you right out of the gate. Stick with volumes for now.

Also, I would do the following:
-Find out how to add an effect track(sometimes called a bus), so that you can take an ainstrument and send a little bit of the signal to it. Put a reverb on that track, then send a some there from the drum track. Adding reverb to drums rounds things out a bit.
-Then I would send some from your background vocals. This tells the listener that they are...well...in the background.

And if you feel brave, and want to start polishing your music, learn how to edit in your software and use it on the background vocals. What I'm talking about here is essentially you slice up the track, and move each phrase ahead or behind in time so they line exactly up with the lead vocal, and each other. Right now they're kinda loose on the timing department.

But overall, you've got a song her that I wanted to listen to twice. Not everything does that.

My two red pills
Keith

beckylucythomas

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« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2015, 01:11:15 PM »
Hi Keith and Keith!  ;D

Brilliant, thank you so much that's really useful feedback.

Arrangement wise maybe I just need to learn to be restrained....I feel like haven't thrown enough at it yet!

I will take a look back at the bass levels, and get that into line.

Red Pill Keith, that's a really great tip on the A-B ing.... I'm def gonna give that a go. I've just recently started using eq and catching busses  :D ... Still a little bit confusing to me, and overwhelming thinking about the myriad possibilities... but I'm starting to understand at least in principle. I do loads of slicing up of vocals, but haven't learnt about flexing yet...maybe that's my next thing once I've got my head around eq, compression and using the busses for a zillion other effects! Great advice from you - thank you so much! And of course, big welcome to the forum!!!

Diadem Keith. I can see what you mean about that lyric now you mention it.. To be honest, I think I'll leave it, as that's one of my favourite bits  ;D  I think I'm happy with it, as it was meant to be kind of triumphal and referring to a sort of "revenge is sweet" kind of attitude.

Thank you both Keiths!....really useful feedback!!

diademgrove

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« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2015, 07:37:22 PM »
Hi Becky,

I somehow thought you'd leave it in.

Keith

Neil C

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« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2015, 09:55:15 PM »
Becky,
Unusually for me read the lyrics first - think they're good and strong, with the before and after contrast, and some great line the tactical retreat was great.

Good to hear a different side too. Drum and piano work fine and like the way the bass comes in. Bass sounds ok on my Macbook but expect thats toppy anyway. Great hand claps by the way ;D

You sound more confident as the songs progress and you need to sound sound confident given the lyrics content. Shades of Odele.
Positivity
 :)
Neil 
songwriter of no repute..

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2015, 02:22:55 AM »
I'm not much of an expert on production/mixing.   All I heard that I'd have liked to hear differently is that the bass line is over-featured (to my ear).  The deep notes interfere with the vocals, and overpower some of the other lines of music.  It's not too far overdone.   Just nudge that line of music back anytime it clashes with the vocal.

IMO, you don't want to turn the whole thing (bass line) down.  It's great except when it's competing with the vocal. 

And don't be at all afraid to discount my ear.  I'm old.  ;o)
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