[tracyl]

PS: This is an EDM song, that's my first go at the genre. Please give me some feedback, thanks.

[Chorus]
If we separate
And we part our ways
Would we find a way
To erase the memories?
If we get away
And forget the faces
Would we find a way
Or will you meet me there?
Ohh Woaah
Will you meet me there?
Ohh woaahh
Will you meet me,
Will you meet me there?


The night is dark, it breaks my heart
But the moon is shining over
You blow my mind, then you explode
An angel with a revolver
And you wait, you wait
Make no mistakes, you are my beginning
And no way, no way
That we will break, this isn't our ending

[Chorus]
If we separate
And we part our ways
Would we find a way
To erase the memories?
If we get away
And forget the faces
Would we find a way
Or will you meet me there?
Ohh Woaah
Will you meet me there?
Ohh woaahh
Will you meet me,
Will you meet me there?


If there's no love, and there's no us
Then why do we bother
If we could work, and we both try
Then why is there another
And our fate, our fate
Is not too late, to save us from our messes
And we make, we make
The whole world state, that they can't destroy this

[Chorus]
If we separate
And we part our ways
Would we find a way
To erase the memories?
If we get away
And forget the faces
Would we find a way
Or will you meet me there?
Ohh Woaah
Will you meet me there?
Ohh woaahh
Will you meet me,
Will you meet me there?

[Bridge]
Stars clash, oceans rise
Meteors fall, motions move
Our love is real, look in my eyes
You'll see my heart, I'm transparent

Planes crash, crazy nights
Bugs they crawl, music grooves
The best of times, you blow my mind
The rest of times you make me high


If we would separate
And we would be parting ways
Would we both find our ways

[PeeJay]

Hi,

Electronic Dance Music (I had to look that up!) is not an area I'm familiar with but from reading this I'd say I liked the verses and the bridge.

The chorus seemed a bit cluttered and might need readjustment to make it more punchy. The way I read it anyway.

Phil.

[Paulski]

Hi
You've got some nice lines in here.
I was hoping someone would tell me what EDM was - thanks Phil
I agree the chorus needs to be punchier and you could remove superfluous words to do it:

If we separate
And we part our ways
Would we find a way
To erase the memories?
If we get away
And forget the faces
Would we find a way
Or will you meet me there?
Ohh Woaah
Will you meet me there?
Ohh woaahh
WIll you meet me,
Will you meet me there?

[tracyl]

Hello PeeJay and Paulski, thanks for critiquing I was starting to be afraid this song wasn't good enough. Thanks a lot or the tips, you're right I did overdo it on the chorus; Paulski, I like your stripped down version of the chorus, can I use it?

[S.T.C]

I, ve got , I suppose you could call an   EDM song being produced at the moment........ I think you have started this wrong. Needs an intro...and your chorus does need tidying up....The rest could be ok....but not knowing the melody. ...makes it hard to comment further on.

[Paulski]

Paulski, I like your stripped down version of the chorus, can I use it?

Of course you can!

[tracyl]

Thanks Paulski

[benjo]

 YEAH I LIKE IT


 don't know much about EDM but i like the lines you got going on
 and i think you got a good strip down tip from paulsi
 i suppose other people could see this and get different ideas for music
 but you really got a good base for a song and i can't wait to hear it

     nice write

[tracyl]

Thanks a lot. I love it too and it means a lot to me, so I definitely want it as good as it can be.