[Vintage54]

                                   Whispers of Defeat

                 Jesse, i feel my heart failing
                 My hourglass is running out of sand
                 Soon now my spirit will be sailing
                 High above the fields of Dixieland

                 I always knew the Northern wind was stronger
                 And one day it would blow us off our feet
                 Jesse, i can't take this pain much longer
                 But what hurts more is the pain of our defeat

                 There's a letter in my bag for Dearest Bella
                 Deliver it to her in Tennessee
                 Take the watch and chain that's in my pocket
                 To remind you of the time you spent with me

                 Remember that first year when we outfought them
                 We really had those Yankees on the run
                 And every time the band would strike up dixie
                 Even i believed that glory could be won

                 But as time passed we could only see one ending
                 Whispers of defeat would soon be heard
                 All the while our back was slowly bending
                 Till finally it broke at Gettysburg

                 I can still see that kid from Carolina
                 One minute he was right beside me there
                 I turned just as the bullet exploded in his face
                 And threw his flesh and bone into the air

                 Jesse, we've been through all kinds of weather
                 You've been more a Brother than a friend
                 Long ago we pressed our bloody palms together
                 And swore a bond that only Death could end

                 Soon now my trials will all be over
                 I can hear sweet music all around
                 Choose a shady spot beneath the Southern sky
                 Where my bones can lie contented in the ground

                 I can see my Mother and my Father
                 Waiting for me just like way back when
                 Smiles upon their faces to welcome me back home
                 And take me into their arms again.

[Paulski]

Man - that's a great write. Your use of imagery is a wonder to behold in this.
I can hear it to a country rock song - maybe the "band" or Neil Young.
Not much to suggest here - it's a work of art!
Paul

[Vintage54]

       Thanks Paulski
          You think its ok without a chorus then? Tried so hard to write one, but everytime, came out weaker than the verses, so i decided to just let it be. Thanks again!

[Neil C]

Paul, really, really great write - again. Love the personal nature of this. Boy I'd love to put this to music..
Re chorus you could create a musical chorus even if the lyrics aren't the same, maybe alternating musically between verse and chorus.
 
Neil
 
 

 

[Vintage54]

        Thanks Neil
           Even if you did address me as Paul, but if you were getting me confused with Paulski, thats ok, i take that as a compliment. You would love to put this to music? Then do it man, you have my blessing.

                           Vintage54

[Vintage54]

        Just to continue Neil, feel free to use it, but one condition, don't rewrite the lyric, thats all i ask. Paulski mentioned Neil Young, and that was  pretty close to where i was coming from. If you know the song "Powderfinger! Well, i love that song, where it goes "and my face splashed in the sky" that gave me the idea for the kid from Carolina part. Musical interlude every three verses would work for me. Over to you man, make em feel it.

                         Vintage54

[Neil C]

Vintage, thanks that great. Will try and do it justice.
And yes huge NY fan.
 
Neil

[benjo]

 HEY VINTAGE


 this is a real gem of a write
 lovely story with fantastic imagery
 the use of the names really makes it heartfelt
 
 the opening verse really draws you in to this
 and paints the picture so clear

 this has got so much to offer to a music minded person
 so much can be done with it
 i agree about not changing any of the lyrics
 i think it would only take away from a great tale well told


              (  I TIP MY HAT TO YOU  )
 

[Bleedin Boy]

Wow the line about the bullet is great imagery. I love your use of place names, they fit really well.

[Safiibox]

This is really well written! Of course, who am I to say? But it was so beautiful and I get a nice country vibe from it too. Guitar, nice southern sounding voice and I would listen to this any day. I really like it! 

[lillypilly]

this is such an excellent write
I could hear someone Like "Madison Violet" singing something like this