[Kevin j]

hi Dogmax, really enjoyed the verses, but I have to say the chorus was a little of a letdown for me, could I suggest something like -

''Maybe there's only darkness so the stars can shine
and burn brighter than in a pure blue sky
is that why?
is that why?''
or along those lines, something to that effect. I wouldn't change anything in the verses though
great concept for a song, can't wait to hear it

[sephsleft06]

Hi Dogmax,

I wonder if something like this may help for the chorus

But we don't give up, question darkness or light
Or why the moon replaces the sun
When the blue skies are gone, look for peace in the night
That's the answer for everyone.

Hope something here may spark some more ideas nearer to what you need for a stronger chorus? 

Marrianna


that's good and neat......and you could have for line 2, an echo by a counter melody....''why the sun replaces the moon''

[sephsleft06]

yeah that 'why me' might recall that awful Eurovision Linda Martin song...(with her hand punching the air at the final chorus....)

Thanks Cramer, Marrianna

At the moment im working on a new verse for this which hopefully might give some indication to a answer without it actually been a answer, if you know what i mean   

The "why me" in the chorus, i have thought about that and i think without "me" it would sound like "why, oh god why" but its something i will listen to when recording, i think Vintage first line in his post speak for most of us when he writes  (Yes i did Dogmax, to answer the questions of the song)  so the "why me" i think came be most of us, will post the new verse when i have something that makes sense, also been trying a new melody for this.

Again thanks all, really helpful.

[Dogmax]

Sincere apologies for bumping this but i just want to say a missive Thanks to all who posted their thoughts on these lyrics and also sorry Kevin and Seph for not replying but i did read what you both posted and believe me, everything was valid as was everyone's suggestions which i went with them all but as us songwriters will always say its what we hear back, old lyrics found a new melody.

Sincere Thanks to you all.