[Vintage54]

                                              Ghost

                Whatever demons that he had
                He didnt share them with me
                But i knew something was wrong
                That much i could see
                I tried to reach him
                But he was too far out to see

                Heaven only knows
                What was going on inside his head
                A haunted room
                Where even angels feared to tread
                He became a ghost
                Long before he was even dead

                Last time i saw him
                A cloud on a summers day
                Standing right beside me
                About a thousand miles away
                Black dog howling in his eyes
                That wouldnt go away

                He took off his watch
                His glasses and his wedding ring
                And laid them on the note
                That said, "Sorry for everything"
                I guess the ground got so damn cold
                He decided to swing

                When he comes to mind
                I hope its how he used to be
                Before the shadows
                When the laughter came so easy and free
                A joyful singer
                Before his fingers found a minor key.

[Paulski]

Another super job on this Vintage - and a tough subject matter to tackle.
Really liked this couplet:

He became a ghost
Long before he was even dead

and this too:

Black dog howling in his eyes
That wouldnt go away

Well actually really liked most of it..
Tiny sugg for the last line - maybe his voice found the minor key, but fingers gets you the near rhyme with laughter so all is good..

Paul

[Bleedin Boy]

I like the three rhymes per verse structure, I don't often see it. I like the cloud on a summers day lyric, it gives me the impression that things appear okay but actually aren't.

[benjo]

 HEY VINTAGE

 yeah man this is a good write
 it painted a good strong picture for me
 loved the rhyming and some great lines in there

 its got everything it should have IMO
 i would love to hear this put to music

          really enjoyed reading this GOOD LUCK WITH IT

[jonpromos]

I like the rhyme scheme. And how it tells a story. Very me.

[Gwyneth Rose]

                                              Ghost

                Whatever demons that he had
                He didnt share them with me
                But i knew something was wrong
                That much i could see
                I tried to reach him
                But he was too far out to see

                Heaven only knows
                What was going on inside his head
                A haunted room
                Where even angels feared to tread
                He became a ghost
                Long before he was even dead

                Last time i saw him
                A cloud on a summers day
                Standing right beside me
                About a thousand miles away
                Black dog howling in his eyes
                That wouldnt go away

                He took off his watch
                His glasses and his wedding ring
                And laid them on the note
                That said, "Sorry for everything"
                I guess the ground got so damn cold
                He decided to swing

                When he comes to mind
                I hope its how he used to be
                Before the shadows
                When the laughter came so easy and free
                A joyful singer
                Before his fingers found a minor key.

Stunning write V,
very poetic and rich imagery. This reached out and touched me. Loved it. Would love to hear this as a finished song.
Cheers
G

[Vintage54]

      Thanks! Paulski, Bleedin boy, Benjo, jonboy, and last but not least, the best looking one of the group, The beautiful rose, forever in bloom.

                           Big kisses for Rose
                             Handshakes for the rest.

                                             Vintage54

[GeneralZod]

Awesome wordplay and writing throughout this whole piece. Really does a good job telling the story.
It's easy to connect with the protagonist of the song and I think many people will be able to relate to knowing someone on that path cheers!

[jonpromos]

      Thanks! Paulski, Bleedin boy, Benjo, jonboy, and last but not least, the best looking one of the group, The beautiful rose, forever in bloom.

                           Big kisses for Rose
                             Handshakes for the rest.

                                             Vintage54

Who is jonboy?

[Marrianna]

A marvellous, meaningful piece of writing and, for me, the last part sums up what many must wish when someone's life has gone wrong, just longing for things to be as they were before.

Well thought out and expressed and just a change from the word 'fingers' for the last line was the only thing that I agree could be considered.

Marrianna