[tokenangmoh]

Hello all.

I was reading Vintage54's Scarecrow earlier today and the first two lines...

Casey waited all his life
For a ship that only sailed away

...struck a chord with me and led me to write the following.

Thanks, Vintage! You are inspiring!

All comments gratefully received...

Matt

***

Sail Me Away from Myself

    Verse 1
Another day spent dreaming
Of who I could have been
In my youth,
Long ago.

Another pleasant-seeming
Evening sipping gin,
Blurring truth,
Thinking slow.

Another every week of never doing,
Of never feeling quite enough to do.
Another every month or year ensuing...
Another decade of the mud I'm wading through.

    Chorus 1
Oh sail me away from myself
To a land of storms and sunshine,
To a land where the people laugh and love and bleed.

Oh sail me away from myself,
From the quicksand beach I've built on,
From the shore where I stand and watch the world recede.

Oh sail me away from my grey and aimless need.

    Verse 2
And here I am, declining
An offer of a drink:
Thinking yes;
Saying no.

And here I am reclining,
But too awake to blink.
Can't suppress;
Can't let go.

And here I am entombed in my foundations -
A prisoner in the unlocked cage of me.
And through the walls I hear the conversations,
And shuffle to the door to turn the key.

    Chorus 2
Oh sail me away from myself
To a land of storms and sunshine,
To a land where the people laugh and love and bleed.

Oh sail me away from myself,
From the quicksand beach I've built on,
From the shore where I stand and watch the world recede.

Oh sail me away from my grey and aimless need.

    [Instrumental]

    Chorus 3
Oh sail me away from myself
On a ferry bound for nowhere,
On a river where souls are drowned and memories freed.

Oh sail me away from myself,
From a life not quite averted,
From a mind that begged and a heart that paid no heed.

Oh sail me away...
Sail me at last away...
Oh sail me away from my grey and aimless need.


© Matt Lyon, all rights reserved.

[Kevin j]

loved this! especially the second half of the chorus,

''From the quicksand beach I've built on,
From the shore where I stand and watch the world recede.''

there isn't anything really that I would change, except personally, I didn't love the last line of the chorus,
it felt a little forced, I think I would rather a half rhyme there, maybe with no consonant at the end.
but that is only nitpicking..
great write

[Paulski]

Hey Matt
Nice work, this.
You've taken a much used lyrical theme "sail away" and given it a fresh twist. And using "sail me away" it's a call for help instead of the usual wistful fluff used with this theme.
The A section/B section verses will demand that the music is interesting and the choruses are nicely altered to keep them from getting stale. I guess if I were forced to pick a nit, I'd say the 1st line in second verse needed a re-read before I got the flow - all other first lines end in a adverb while that one is a (compound?) adjective (I think!). But I'm sure when sung it'll be OK.
But like I said; Nice work, this.
Paul

[Carbor]

Nothing to offer in the way of suggestions. My reaction = This is terrific.

Cheers!

[Vintage54]

      For something that came pretty fast, this is darn good. I was hearing it as i was reading it. Nice flow and rhythm, i guess you could say its got the wind in its sails. fav lines...

            And here i am entombed in my foundations
            A prisoner in the unlocked cage of me
            And through the walls i hear the conversations
            And shuffle to the door to turn the key

     Right now, i dont see how it can be improved upon. Darn good!

                        Vintage54

[tokenangmoh]

Hi again.

@Kevin:

Thanks for the comment!

I didn't love the last line of the chorus, it felt a little forced, I think I would rather a half rhyme there, maybe with no consonant at the end.

Interesting. The "grey and aimless need" line was actually the second I thought of, and preceded all its rhyming partners, so if it feels forced, it's a phrasing issue rather than its having been tortured into fitting the rhyme scheme...

I see the attraction of a half-rhyme there, but I'm rather attached to the word "need" - as I said, it's the second line I thought of...

I know this doesn't use your suggestion, but does the following seem less forced to you?:

Oh sail me away from my grey and aching need.

I'm wondering if it's the "aimless" that's diluting the impact of "need"... Anyway, let me know (it would also be great if others could chime in on this) and thanks very much for the comment!

@Paul:

I guess if I were forced to pick a nit, I'd say the 1st line in second verse needed a re-read before I got the flow

Yup, that's useful, thanks. I've got fragments of the melody already, but I'll make sure the 1st line flows through to the 2nd there, which should remove any parsing block. And I've added a comma before "declining", which hopefully makes it easier to read.

Thanks!

And @ Carbor and Vintage:

Thank you for taking the time to comment. It's much appreciated.

And don't forget to vote for September Lyrics of the Month!

[benjo]

 HEY MATT

 whats not to like yeah well used but so fresh
 i really enjoyed this and can't wait to hear the music for this
 i know the quality will come right throgh as always

             great write keep it up

[diademgrove]

Hi Matt,

great set of lyrics. I really like sail me away from my grey and aimless need, sums up the contradiction between wanting excitement but needing stability that lies at the heart of the song.

Hope you put the words to music.

Keith