"Bagsy Shotgun"

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benjanet

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« on: August 15, 2014, 03:12:34 PM »
Hi there, my name's Ben and I love writing songs. Here's a finished song I wrote for my band a few months ago but has never been played live.
I just thought I'd share it for funsies really. I would be interested in any comments either positive or negative on whichever aspect of it either floats your boat or sinks your battle ship. So fire away.

https://soundcloud.com/tropical-contact/bagsy-shotgun

BAGSY SHOTGUN.

It's time to make time to make time,
Check your pulse and make sure that you're less or more alive.
(Surrounded by reminders life is linear, it don't return at all.)
Streaking in the wind, ambition kicks right in from the side.

Eat three 'Pink Ladies' a day,
'Cause you need to make up for the booze you put away.
(Take the night-time by the balls, and squeeze it 'til the day throws up.)
Try it, buy it or steal it for free.
Sooner? Or later? The first sounds good to me.

Chorus:
It's time to make time to make time to make time,
The show goes on whether or not you like.
You're here, so lets dance to whatever tune you like,
Just make it one to remember all your life.

(Instrumental)

Chorus:
It's time to make time to make time to make time,
The show goes on whether or not you like.
You're here, so lets dance to whatever tune you like,
Just make it one to remember all your life.
Just make it one to remember all your life.
Just make it one to remember...

Neil C

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« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2014, 07:51:33 PM »
Hi and welcome.
Great title. Loads of energy. catchy enigmatic, playful and powerful. With some real good and varied bits in there. Liked the production too.
My only thought is perhaps there's too much going on in terms of arrangement it might benefit from some simplification perhaps - and I don't believe I'm saying this as a guitarist but the solo which is fine - may not be needed!
Impressive
 :) :)
Neil
 
« Last Edit: August 15, 2014, 10:31:27 PM by Neil C »
songwriter of no repute..

Funny_Chord

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« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2014, 10:04:57 PM »
Wow - not sure I'm worthy to give feedback on an artist far further down the road to success than I'll ever be but I'll have a go.

Almost goes without saying how great the production and performance is. Really energetic and I imagine will sound great live. I absolutely love the instrumental section and for me that elevates the song to a whole other level.

Gritting my teeth and making an effort to be constructive - structurally I think there's too much going on in the verse; it's almost verse, bridge, verse, bridge, chorus...I think the verse melody could be given more of a chance to stick in the mind. I think the title is great and get how it fits with the sentiment of the song but the link still feels more tenuous than it could be (I also think songs with a title not in the lyric are more often than not lacking an obvious lyrical hook - but that's me!).

But this is basically excellent and I wish you all the best with the band. I see BBC Introducing has spotted you and that can lead to great things :)

Paulski

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« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2014, 01:12:17 AM »
Very energetic - vocals sound great and the lyrics are interesting in a good way.
For me the song really hits you in the face from the opening bar - I would rather have it build (but build fast). Was this done in a studio - kudos on the overall sound.
Nice one!
Paul

diademgrove

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« Reply #4 on: August 17, 2014, 09:29:05 AM »
I agree with Neil, a powerful pop song. Reminds me of the Undertones and one or two echoes of 60s US garage bands, all good things.

Like Neil I wasn't sure about the instrumental interlude, I was expecting the temperature to go up, instead it went down and it didn't work for me, sorry.

If you disagree feel free to ignore me.

Keith