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Zombies are Comin'

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Paulski

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« on: August 14, 2014, 01:25:49 PM »
Hi all
These will be lyrics to my entry to the SSSHSSC:
http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/competitions/super-scary-supernatural-halloween-style-songwriting-competition/
Thought I would post 'em here before I record to get some feedback.
Would appreciate any comments!
Paul

Zombies are Comin!
Copyright © 2014 Tennyson Road Music

{intro}
My neighbour came callin' in the dead of night
His knees were knockin' and his face was white
I couldn't understand him - he was stammerin' on
As he stood on my varandah with pajamas on

{pre}
I thought he would choke
On the words he spoke
But he managed to spit them out

{ch}
"Zombies c-comin'! They're on our s-street!
Zombies are c-comin'! Better m-move your f-feet!"

Well I may be superstitious but I ain't no fool
The neighbour's known for his drinkin' and he'd had a few
So I ran out in the alley way to check it out
And what I was saw was so appalling I got set to shout

Did you ever dream
And you wanted to scream
But you couldn't get it out of your mouth?

Zombies are comin' - They're on our street
Zombies are comin' - and they want our meat
Zombies are comin' - when the dead attack
Zombies are comin' - better watch your back!

solo (to verse)

Now there's my auntie Mary, dear uncle Fred
After eighty years of married, ten years of dead
There's my ugly granny, half her face is gone
She's lookin' twice as good as when her life was on

Jerry and Jean
Lookin' scarey and mean
Makin' everybody run and shout - SHOUT!

Zombies are comin' - and they're on our street
Zombies are comin' - and they want our meat
Zombies are comin' – when those things attack
Zombies are comin' - better watch your back

{br}
Oh they came in late November and December too
Be a shame if they remember to dismember you
But maybe they'll get tired and go back to their crypts
Gee, I hope it's not the start of an Apocalypse!

Where the zombies control
This little world we know
And the rest of us turn to chow - OWW!!

Zombies are comin' - and they're on our street
Zombies are comin' - and they want a treat!
Zombies are comin' – when the dead attack
Zombies are comin' - better watch your back

{build}
Zombies are comin'
Zombies are comin'
Zombies are comin' – when that thing attacks
Zombies are comin' – better SWING.. YOUR.. AXE!!!

...{thwack!!}

{extro}
« Last Edit: September 05, 2014, 02:04:33 PM by Paulski »

Arkwright

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« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2014, 11:27:08 AM »
I just love this...

It's whimsical, paints a great picture and tells the story from beginning to end.

Personally I wouldn't change a thing and would love to hear it as the theme tune to the next Zom Com film.

Great stuff Paul...

EpiphoneEpiphany

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« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2014, 05:21:07 PM »
hi

very funny to read, liked the choke - spoke - spit out lines
and the remember dismember internal rhyme

tried to look for possible improvements but it's well written and you've already varied the rhymes in the "zombies are coming" - chorus the second and third time around "feet - meet - treat" ... "snack - attack"

definitel a good entry for the comp

cheers

EE

Neil C

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« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2014, 03:13:59 PM »
Paul,
Get in there early. Liking this - kinda of hearing quirky warren zeevon, jonathan richman style tune perhaps?
 :)
Neil
songwriter of no repute..

Paulski

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« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2014, 12:55:46 PM »
Arkwright:

Thanks for saying that - much appreciated! I recorded some screams from my grandkids on the weekend and I hope to include them in the song - they seem to be able to do that without too much encouragement and they're pretty blood-curdling!

EE:

Thanks for the encouraging comments! I don't know much about the dead but I think the competition will be "stiff"  ::)

Neil:

Thanks for reading and commenting! Yeah - it's more ZZ Top style but I wish I could come up with a line like Warren's "his hair was perfect!"

Cheers Guys!
Paul


Erik Baker

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« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2014, 12:57:47 PM »
Woo hoo


I am totaly lovin' this fun and playful song of doom.
Maybe...

Hugozhor

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« Reply #6 on: August 24, 2014, 01:19:59 PM »
Great funny lyric! I love this verse and rhyme.


Oh they came in late November and December too
Be a shame if they remember to dismember you


Paulski

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« Reply #7 on: August 25, 2014, 05:22:57 PM »

Erik:

Thanks for the positive comment! Yeah I guess doom can be fun - or not! ;D

Hugozhor:

Cheers for the nice remarks - much appreciated!

Paul

Gwyneth Rose

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« Reply #8 on: August 26, 2014, 09:24:29 AM »
Hi all
These will be lyrics to my entry to the SSSHSSC:
http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/competitions/super-scary-supernatural-halloween-style-songwriting-competition/
Thought I would post 'em here before I record to get some feedback.
Would appreciate any comments!
Paul

Zombies are Comin!
Copyright © 2014 Tennyson Road Music

{intro}
My neighbour came callin' in the dead of night
His knees were knockin' and his face was white
I couldn't understand him - he was stammerin' on
As he stood on my varandah with pajamas on

{pre}
I thought he would choke
On the words he spoke
But he managed to spit them out

{ch}
"Zombies are c-comin', and they're on our s-street!
Zombies are c-comin' better m-move your f-feet!"

Well I may be superstitious but I ain't no fool
The neighbour's known for his drinkin' and he'd had a few
So I ran out to the alley just to check it out
And what I was saw was so appalling I got set to shout

Did you ever dream
And you wanted to scream
But you couldn't get it out of your mouth?

Zombies are comin' - and they're on our street
Zombies are comin' - and they want our meat
Zombies are comin' - when the dead attack
Zombies are comin' - better watch your back!

solo (to verse)

Now there's my auntie Mary, dear uncle Fred
After eighty years of marriage, ten years of dead
There's my ugly granny, half her face is gone
She's lookin' twice as good as when her life was on

Jerry and Jean
Lookin' scarey and mean
Makin' everybody wanna shout - SHOUT!

Zombies are comin' - and they're on our street
Zombies are comin' - and they want our meat
Zombies are comin' – lookin’ for a snack
Zombies are comin' - better watch your back

{br}
Oh they came in late November and December too
Be a shame if they remember to dismember you
But maybe they'll get tired and go back to their crypts
Gee, I hope it's not the start of an Apocalypse!

Where the zombies control
This little world we own
And the rest of us turn to chow - OWW!!

Zombies are comin' - and they're on our street
Zombies are comin' - lookin' for some meat
Zombies are comin' – when those things attack
Zombies are comin' - better watch your back

{build}
Zombies are comin'
Zombies are comin'
Zombies are comin' – when that thing attacks
Zombies are comin' – better SWING.. YOUR.. AXE!!!

...{thwack!!}

{extro}


Hi Paul,
This is absolutely brilliant! As usual, great stuff , love the imagery and emotion, had me giggling. Such a fun write, and I think you'll do well with this one. It's refreshingly different . Bravo.

Cheers
G
Poet and Lyricist always looking to collaborate. Write mostly out the box lyrics in most genres.
Amateur model, painter, love ceramics and sculpture. Make teddy bears, do belly dancing and love gardening especially roses

JakePage

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« Reply #9 on: August 28, 2014, 07:43:14 PM »
Great write mate. Made me lol a bit and is genuinely funny. very creative imagery there and you've got a great knack for telling stories in your lyrics!

my favourite part was
'There's my ugly granny, half her face is gone
She's lookin' twice as good as when her life was on'

great use of alliteration too

Oh they came in late November and December too
Be a shame if they remember to dismember you


Awesome lyrics Paul and I think you do very well with this one. Good luck!

Jake

diademgrove

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« Reply #10 on: August 29, 2014, 01:23:09 PM »
Paul,

great lyrics, I see you've raised the bar for the rest of us, thanks ; )

looking forward to hearing the music to go with them.

Keith

tokenangmoh

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« Reply #11 on: August 29, 2014, 01:37:53 PM »
You're gonna go all death metal with this one, right?

Please say yes!

Matt

Paulski

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« Reply #12 on: August 29, 2014, 02:46:21 PM »
You're gonna go all death metal with this one, right?

Please say yes!

Matt
I don't have the chops for that ;D ;D .. and anyway, when was the last time you could make out the lyrics in a death metal song ??? ???
Paul

Paulski

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« Reply #13 on: August 29, 2014, 02:59:09 PM »
Great write mate. Made me lol a bit and is genuinely funny. very creative imagery there and you've got a great knack for telling stories in your lyrics!

my favourite part was
'There's my ugly granny, half her face is gone
She's lookin' twice as good as when her life was on'

great use of alliteration too

Oh they came in late November and December too
Be a shame if they remember to dismember you


Awesome lyrics Paul and I think you do very well with this one. Good luck!

Jake

Thanks Jake - appreciate the kind remarks!
Paul

Paulski

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« Reply #14 on: August 29, 2014, 03:00:18 PM »
Paul,

great lyrics, I see you've raised the bar for the rest of us, thanks ; )

looking forward to hearing the music to go with them.

Keith
Many thanks Keith - this competition will be "stiff"