'Malibu'

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Alan Starkie

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« on: July 13, 2014, 04:01:41 PM »
A song that's been poking me for a while to get finished.


https://soundcloud.com/alanstarkie/malibu


Malibu

I want to move out to Malibu
Do you want to go there too?
We can sell cheap watches on the beach

There's plenty of work in Malibu
If you're good at shining shoes
Don't close your eyes though
Nothing's free

Sunshine teeth and happy smiles
Endless hope that runs for miles
Take me there when I'm asleep
So I can wake beneath the palm trees

CHORUS

TV dinners everywhere
Living life without a care
I can smell the seaside air
Make a promise to take me there one day

BREAK

Roller boots and shiny suits
Painted nails and hidden roots
But that's OK just let me lie
Beneath the warmth of the Pacific sky

CHORUS

Don't close your eyes though
Nothing's free
Don't close your eyes though
Nothing's free


Cheers.
« Last Edit: July 18, 2014, 05:52:33 PM by Alan Starkie »

tokenangmoh

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« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2014, 03:03:56 AM »
Hi Alan.

Nice song, I like it.

I like the tune and chord structure. My only problem with the melody is the gap between the two halves of each verse - e.g. between "miles" and "Take", and between "care" and "I". For some reason, I expected a line with a lot of syllables, not a gap in the lyrics, and the "Mmm-hmm" was a disappointment. Having said that, while this really bothered me on the first listen, it became less important on each subsequent listen. And I suspect the gap could be filled by instrumentation anyway, or by being a bit more melodically adventurous with the "Mmm-hmm".

I like that the lyrics are ambiguous about whether Malibu is a bad or a good place - (e.g. "TV dinners everywhere" vs. "Living life without a care"). But I wish the dark elements were darker. The only dark element that's dark enough for me is
Quote
Don't close your eyes though
Nothing's free
I love that. Perhaps the "light" elements could be lighter as well. Without strong contrasts, the song is in danger of feeling a bit throwaway...

I don't know if this song really needs drums, but if it's going to have them, I think they should come in earlier. Could a cajon work?

I'd like to hear a fuller, shinier production of this that will give it that "lazing by the beach" vibe.

Nice job.

Matt
« Last Edit: July 17, 2014, 05:09:38 PM by tokenangmoh »

Alan Starkie

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« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2014, 07:24:18 AM »
Matt - great observations. You've got everything I intended.

I purposely wanted the lyric ambiguous and 'is Malibu actually good or bad?'

'Sunshine teeth and happy smiles?.....really?

Is it good or is it fake?

The 'mm mmm's' are a little McCartneyism that I'm going to elaborate on with a little lead work.

I want the slick drums as another question mark.

Like I said - you got everything I was aiming at. Really pleased with your comments.

Cheers.

Alan.

Alan Starkie

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« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2014, 04:15:48 PM »
BTW - this song is evolving all the time via updates on soundcloud so the version here will change as I work on it...

lors

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« Reply #4 on: July 19, 2014, 12:00:14 AM »
I like how the guitar and singing match the somber vibe. The overall feel seems to skirt between hopefulness and cautiousness. It seems like a happy song but it comes off more like a warning of sorts.

Neil C

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« Reply #5 on: July 19, 2014, 09:14:22 PM »
Alan
Lovely, positive, gentle pop. It had a slightly 70's feel to it with that neat jazzy vibe you gave it.
Some really cleaver and memorable lines in there. Had me tapping as it gently swayed along.
 :)
Neil
songwriter of no repute..