[jonlint]

Hi all,

I am writing a new song and before I go further, I would appreciate feedback on the song and mix:

https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-linton-3/the-right-thing-20140713

JONATHAN LINTON – THE RIGHT THING
(Words by Jonathan Linton, Music by Jonathan Linton)
Circumstance is so unkind
The wrong place at the right time
You know it all, you're intertwined
A moral decision consumes your mind
Those that know, got you in their sight
No escape from the helpless plight
Angel on the left shoulder, devil on right
Damned if you're wrong, damned if you're right[/SIZE]

Good deeds didn't prepare you for this
Innocence gone, give it one last kiss
The righteous path won't pull you though
Sometimes the right thing's the wrong thing to do
The dark side it sucks you in
Innocence last, the ultimate sin
The path of light won't pull you though
Sometimes the right thing's the wrong thing to do

2nd Verse pending

Good deeds didn't prepare you for this
Innocence gone, give it one last kiss
The righteous path won't pull you though
Sometimes the right thing's the wrong thing to do
The dark side it sucks you in
Innocence last, the ultimate sin
The path of light won't pull you though
Sometimes the right thing's the wrong thing to do

Sometimes the right thing's the wrong thing to do
Sometimes the right thing's the wrong thing to do
Sometimes the right thing's the wrong thing to do
Sometimes the right thing's the wrong thing to do
Urrrghhh! 

[stefano65]

Hello, i listened the song:

You have a good hook in the begin, with the guitar riff.

In the first Verse you stressed the words "Right time" ("The wrong place at the right time"), which personally i don't like (IMHO) because it breaks the fluency of the other lines.

The bare lyrics for me are ok.

The Chorus, always in my opinion, you should alternate with the Verse, so: Intro; Verse; Chorus; 2nd Verse; Chorus (but here you should introduce some other instrument, or just istrumental with the Hook repeated, doubling the lead guitar, maybe in thirds, as your wish)

The last part (Coda) i think would be better without music, just the singing, maybe inviting the listners to keep tempo, clapping the hands.

In my opinion this is a good live song, infact.

And you should close yor song with a solo upon the Chorus.

Ask yourself which is the part of the song has to be a "punch line": the Verse? The Chorus? The Hook? A mix? For exemple: if you want the listner remember the hook, you should put it almost everywere (with a grain of salt, of course) and so on for the parts you have. Maybe the Chorus, so the message of your song, is really important to you? Very well: introduce many times the Chorus, with a lot of little "variation of the Theme" and so on...

Just my 2 cents...

[Alan Starkie]

Commercial QOTSA sound going on here for me.

Catchy hook both lyrically and musically.

The drums are getting lost in the mix.

The end works fine with the abrupt stop.

Enjoyed it.

[stefano65]

Commercial QOTSA sound going on here for me.

Beware: i am writing something off topic.

Alan, sorry for my ignorance but what "QOTSA" means?

[Alan Starkie]

Sorry - Queens Of The Stone Age.

[Jamie]

Hi, agree with the qotsa ref. enjoyed listening. My overall impression was that it was a little bit wordy, and that isn't a qotsa trait. Like the riffs and the guitar playing. Good song!
Cheers
Jamie

[lors]

Man, SOLID intro!

Mix wise, the vocals seem a bit dry and a tiny bit loud. Maybe try a little echo/reverb? I agree with the last comment, maybe put a bit more space between singing the verse and chorus?

Also love the solo and outro!

Great start and end!

[jonlint]

Here is a remix with some guitar retracking.  Plus the song order is changed - shorter intro and Coda added after 1st verse.  Feedback?

https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-linton-3/the-right-thing-20140720

[jamesh]

Hi

Vocals a bit loud and dry as stated before. I would suggest some backing vocals on the chorus (or at least on the second part of the chorus)


James

[jonlint]

Hi all,

I did a "reboot" of this song.  Feedback welcome:

https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-linton-3/right-thing

[jonlint]

Hi all,

V1 with some mixing tweeks and fixing the terrible solo sound:

https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-linton-3/right-thing-v1

... and the new lyrics are below:

JONATHAN LINTON – THE RIGHT THING
(Words by Jonathan Linton, Music by Jonathan Linton)
 
Circumstance is so unkind
The wrong place at the right time
You know it all, you’re intertwined
A moral decision consumes your mind
Those that know, got you in their sight
No escape from the helpless plight
Angel on the left shoulder, devil on right
Damned if you’re wrong, damned if you’re right
 
Good deeds didn’t prepare you for this
Innocence gone, give it one last kiss
The righteous path won’t pull you though
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
The dark side it sucks you in
Innocence lost, the ultimate sin
The path of light won’t pull you though
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
 
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
 
High in their pulpit they preach to us
Holier then thou, in their words we trust
And then they’re caught in a boyish lust
Hushed by the leaders, it’s so unjust
How can they judge, how can they condemn
Self preservation’s built in all men
They’d do the same if it happened to them
Moral decision won’t help you then
 
Good deeds didn’t prepare you for this
Innocence gone, give it one last kiss
The righteous path won’t pull you though
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
The dark side it sucks you in
Innocence lost, the ultimate sin
The path of light won’t pull you though
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
 
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
Sometimes the right thing’s the wrong thing to do
Urrrghhh!