[Gwyneth Rose]

Removed due to lack of interest :-)

[Dutchbeat]

ah, i just wanted to check this out...

[Gwyneth Rose]

ah, i just wanted to check this out...

Should I post it again?

Pkay here is it. I thought what life must be like for an orphan and the creative juices started
to play out like so........

You gave me away and set yourself free
Bet you justified it as, a better life for me
Were too young to start changing nappies (ref for Americans - diapers)
Your sacrifice would make someone happy
Did the long nine months of carrying me..
Disrupt your plans? The fruit of his seed..

Your biggest mistake
Your worst regret
Your guarded secret
That you’ve kept
Wish I could
See you today
And ask you why
You threw me away

Spent my childhood in various foster homes
I died a thousand deaths from abuse alone
You made me lose my heritage my identity
Not knowing my true name, kept from me
Every day I endured the shame and pain
The life of an orphan has no love to gain

Your biggest mistake
Your worst regret
Your guarded secret
That you’ve kept
Wish I could
See you today
And ask you why
You threw me away

So Mama the next time you wonder how I am
Know you thinking Silver spoon covered in jam
I’ll bet this news doesn’t fit well with your plans
Homeless drunk, can’t remember when it began
And I’m living in hell, doing the best that I can
But hey, why should I think you’d give a damn

Your biggest mistake
Your worst regret
Your guarded secret
That you’ve kept
Wish I could
See you today
And ask you why
You threw me away

[diademgrove]

Hi Gwyneth,

sorry I missed this first time around. Life has taken one of those unexpected twists, hopefully it will be back on a straight line soon. Nothing serious just work.

The chorus is very strong and the story flows but its far too depressing for me. There's no hint of humanity in the words. What makes it worse is that they will be true for far too many people.

A different last verse ,may have worked. Not a we've met and everything's ok. More a life has chucked all this at me, I've survived, got a future, and even, maybe, a child of my own. That may add something to the chorus, especially Why did you throw me away.

It a well written song but the ending turns something off in me, sorry. 

Keith

[Paulski]

Hi Gwyneth
Yeah I can see where you are going with this and it is well written IMO. I also see Keith's point about the bad taste it leaves in your mouth after reading. It's like - there is no hope. Not that there has to be a happy ending, but a glimmer of hope at the end would resolve it better . Definitely worth continuing to work on.
This has big potential
Paul

[Gwyneth Rose]

Hi Gwyneth,

sorry I missed this first time around. Life has taken one of those unexpected twists, hopefully it will be back on a straight line soon. Nothing serious just work.

The chorus is very strong and the story flows but its far too depressing for me. There's no hint of humanity in the words. What makes it worse is that they will be true for far too many people.

A different last verse ,may have worked. Not a we've met and everything's ok. More a life has chucked all this at me, I've survived, got a future, and even, maybe, a child of my own. That may add something to the chorus, especially Why did you throw me away.

It a well written song but the ending turns something off in me, sorry. 

Keith

Hi Keith

Yes it's a sad song. LOL You know life isn't all rainbows and butterflies. Glad it got the sad emotion out of you tho, that's what I was aiming for.

Cheers
G

[Gwyneth Rose]

Hi Gwyneth
Yeah I can see where you are going with this and it is well written IMO. I also see Keith's point about the bad taste it leaves in your mouth after reading. It's like - there is no hope. Not that there has to be a happy ending, but a glimmer of hope at the end would resolve it better . Definitely worth continuing to work on.
This has big potential
Paul

Hi Paul
Thanks for the great comments . Yes it's quite depressing I know. I actually had someone PM me to say that it's as if I wrote this about him as he is an orphan, shame man.
Guess it's nice to know how lucky we are to be part of a family and know where we come from, stuff we take for granted.

Cheers
G

[Dutchbeat]

as always, Gwyneth, very good lyrics once again, good flow, in my opinion, yet very sad

but in this case perhaps the lyrics are a bit too specific ?(just my first thoughts)...that may run the risk of people who have not been in this situation or don't know this situation form others close to them, may find it harder to connect to it???....i don't know this (as you may know i cannot write lyrics myself), but in your other lyrics you also have specific topics in your mind, but the lines and words you used give more room for different interpretations of the lyrics so that sort of everyone can project their own story, feelings or situation to it. A  bit hard for me to explain what i am trying to say in English, but i hope you get what i am trying to say

but a very good write, yes!!!

[Gwyneth Rose]

as always, Gwyneth, very good lyrics once again, good flow, in my opinion, yet very sad

but in this case perhaps the lyrics are a bit too specific ?(just my first thoughts)...that may run the risk of people who have not been in this situation or don't know this situation form others close to them, may find it harder to connect to it???....i don't know this (as you may know i cannot write lyrics myself), but in your other lyrics you also have specific topics in your mind, but the lines and words you used give more room for different interpretations of the lyrics so that sort of everyone can project their own story, feelings or situation to it. A  bit hard for me to explain what i am trying to say in English, but i hope you get what i am trying to say

but a very good write, yes!!!

Hi DB

Thanks for the look in. Yes, I understand what you mean, basically people who are not orphans would not relate.  But you see, I never wrote this song for them, I wrote it for all the orphans who relate strongly to it. What I do when inspired by a certain subject is, direct it without been ambiguous, clinching all aspects of the subject matter at hand. So many orphans never get to meet their biological parents (there are a few but not many) so I think I
've been successful in my delivery. Sad but true.

 Again, it makes one feel very fortunate to know our families and have a sense of belonging, which these poor people go through life without.........

Cheers
G

[pertwee]

Excellent!

In a Place Like This

She wears a leather skirt cut six inches above her naked knees.
High heels and a cotton top, she's so dressed to please.
And she gets angry when someone says that she's just a dick tease.
She never said that she would give out for only a couple of drinks.

And she goes topless on the beach when the temperature is just twenty one.
All her girls say she's asking for trouble, she says she wanna have fun.
She’s trying so hard to grow up on the double, such a shame for someone so young.
If I was a violent man I'd slap her for being so dumb.

Sleeps in late at the weekend recovering from the night before.
Goes back to work on the Monday at the betting shop.
 Cleared it with the boss for no Saturdays ever with nifty, shifty hand job.
If was an angry man I'd call her a lazy slob.

Like a melted box of chocolates she's girl in a woman's body.
She shoots shots at five percent that are twice the cost of a single.
She's looking for someone to love her; for who she is and what she does.
If I was a sober man id stay up until she came home.

And then one day as she sat in the pub a nice boy came along half pissed.
Said "what the hell is a girl like you ever doing in a place this?"
She thought a minute and then replied 'I’m just a prisoner like you doin' time'.
 If I was a jealous man I'd question all of her lies.

If I was a lucky man.
If I was an honest man.
If I was a man at all I’d love her more

[seriousfun]

You deffinately hooked me in with this one Gwenyth. It struck a chord with me ( pun intended ) as some of this applied petsonally. Not that I was an orphan, but I was adopted out so I was interested in your take on this.

I see that many have found this tooo depressing for their tastes, as they were unable to connect in the way I was able to. It perhaps could haveo been softened a little as there are many reasons why babies are given away and some more focus on the regretful mother and making her decision more accessible/understandable may have drawn more people into the story and the unfairness that life heaps upon some people.

I enjoyed the write, and the singular perpective on this situation but perhaps the net could have been cast a little wider.  Lovely stuff alltje same, you got me with it.

Allan.

[Nellie]

Hi! I'm glad you posted this. I think you are very talented and this is amazingly well written!! I like how you wrote from the child's perspective, it makes it unique and helps us realize what they may be going through. It's also nice to see how well you captured those feelings, making the whole song deeper and even more meaningful! So yeah, this is pretty swell.

[Gwyneth Rose]

Excellent!

In a Place Like This

She wears a leather skirt cut six inches above her naked knees.
High heels and a cotton top, she's so dressed to please.
And she gets angry when someone says that she's just a dick tease.
She never said that she would give out for only a couple of drinks.

And she goes topless on the beach when the temperature is just twenty one.
All her girls say she's asking for trouble, she says she wanna have fun.
She’s trying so hard to grow up on the double, such a shame for someone so young.
If I was a violent man I'd slap her for being so dumb.

Sleeps in late at the weekend recovering from the night before.
Goes back to work on the Monday at the betting shop.
 Cleared it with the boss for no Saturdays ever with nifty, shifty hand job.
If was an angry man I'd call her a lazy slob.

Like a melted box of chocolates she's girl in a woman's body.
She shoots shots at five percent that are twice the cost of a single.
She's looking for someone to love her; for who she is and what she does.
If I was a sober man id stay up until she came home.

And then one day as she sat in the pub a nice boy came along half pissed.
Said "what the hell is a girl like you ever doing in a place this?"
She thought a minute and then replied 'I’m just a prisoner like you doin' time'.
 If I was a jealous man I'd question all of her lies.

If I was a lucky man.
If I was an honest man.
If I was a man at all I’d love her more

Hi P,
Errrrrrrrr I think you might have been sidetracked with this post hehehe

[Gwyneth Rose]

You deffinately hooked me in with this one Gwenyth. It struck a chord with me ( pun intended ) as some of this applied petsonally. Not that I was an orphan, but I was adopted out so I was interested in your take on this.

I see that many have found this tooo depressing for their tastes, as they were unable to connect in the way I was able to. It perhaps could haveo been softened a little as there are many reasons why babies are given away and some more focus on the regretful mother and making her decision more accessible/understandable may have drawn more people into the story and the unfairness that life heaps upon some people.

I enjoyed the write, and the singular perpective on this situation but perhaps the net could have been cast a little wider.  Lovely stuff alltje same, you got me with it.

Allan.

Hi A,

That's great to hear, thanks for the feedback. Glad you could relate. Yes maybe next time I'll write a lyric where the orphan gets to meet her/his biological parent (mother). There definately are some cases like that and if would certainly be more uplifting and cheerful hehehe. Thanks for the look in :-)
Cheers
G

[Gwyneth Rose]

Hi! I'm glad you posted this. I think you are very talented and this is amazingly well written!! I like how you wrote from the child's perspective, it makes it unique and helps us realize what they may be going through. It's also nice to see how well you captured those feelings, making the whole song deeper and even more meaningful! So yeah, this is pretty swell.

Hi Nellie,
Thanks so much for the encouragement and kind words. Glad that it touched you, that's what I meant to do :-)
Cheers
G