[JakePage]

Just a song inspired by someone I know, about having anger issues and its effect on a relationship
Again, my vocals are pretty shaky at the start, this is just to show the melody

https://soundcloud.com/forestieri123/crazy


You've been over mine all day,
you take it all the other way
you take an insult to the face
tears they fall all over the place
but I know I need some time
to live and...let die
but it's all so much
and it makes my head rush

Well I'm a man of delusion
its not a big illusion
to your mind, so good and pure
seems everyone these days
has their own wicked ways
guess greed rules the mind of every man, woman and child

So come on tell me why its got to be this way
I ain't the same but I still hear you say
the reasons you don't hold me so close
and do you hear my voice
everywhere you go
when the lights are off
do you feel scared
I need to know

Well I'm not the same, I'm not the same
I don't want you to fear my name
I wanna make you feel easy
I aint the one to blame......

No, something crazy, something crazy's
going on in my head
something crazy, something crazy
but I still want you in my bed
baby i don't mean what I do
I wish that I could change too
I may be crazy
but baby
id be insane without you

A doctor could help to explain
why every time I feel some pain
I inflict you with my wrath
well maybe I'm a psychopath
But I know I need some time, to live and let die
but its all so much
and it makes my head rush

You take heed to my voice
with every other choice
is that how you want our love to be
tell me honestly
everything that is wrong with me

I know...
Well I'm not the same, I'm not the same
I don't want you to fear my name,
I wanna make you feel easy
I aint the one to blame


No, something crazy, something crazy's
going on in my head
something crazy, something crazy
but I still want you in my bed
baby I don't mean what I do
I wish that I could change too
I may be crazy
but baby
I'd be insane without you

[diademgrove]

Hi Jake,

a word of friendly advice, you may get more comments if you abide by the rules on posting.

I like the words and your singing. The only verse that didn't really work for me was the one about the Doctor. It seemed a little out of place. But that may just be me. The song has a lot of potential.

Keith

[JakePage]

Hey Diadem,

Really sorry, I was unaware of the rules/guidelines aside from the post regarding swearing, I feel like a bit of an idiot for not having checked there were any but I honestly didn't mean any disrespect.
Thanks mate for giving me a heads up as I would have never known had you not... Again, I sincerely apologise

Jake

[diademgrove]

Hi Jake,

no problem. No real need to apologise, honest. Don't forget to let other people know what you think of their work. Its one of the things that make this forum a great place.

I'll let you have some more comments on your other songs later today.

Keith

[JakePage]

Yea I've been reading most of the ones which people post, but honestly I feel like there's not much I can say other than basic feedback, I'm not too sure how to critique a set of lyrics properly so I wonder if there would really be any value if I do a review

Jake

[diademgrove]

Hi Jake,

sometimes it helps to read, I liked that, whether its a set of lyrics, a work in progress or a full song.

Its difficult, but we all like feedback, especially good feedback. So if you give a little I'm sure you'll get a lot in return. It also helps me think about my own music, what was good about what I read or heard, what was bad about it. All of which helps me as well as other people.

Its impossible to comment on everything but, as I said a simple, I like that is sometimes all that's needed.

Good luck,

Keith

[Gwyneth Rose]

Just a song inspired by someone I know, about having anger issues and its effect on a relationship
Again, my vocals are pretty shaky at the start, this is just to show the melody

https://soundcloud.com/forestieri123/crazy


You've been over mine all day,
you take it all the other way
you take an insult to the face
tears they fall all over the place
but I know I need some time
to live and...let die
but it's all so much
and it makes my head rush

Well I'm a man of delusion
its not a big illusion
to your mind, so good and pure
seems everyone these days
has their own wicked ways
guess greed rules the mind of every man, woman and child

So come on tell me why its got to be this way
I ain't the same but I still hear you say
the reasons you don't hold me so close
and do you hear my voice
everywhere you go
when the lights are off
do you feel scared
I need to know

Well I'm not the same, I'm not the same
I don't want you to fear my name
I wanna make you feel easy
I aint the one to blame......

No, something crazy, something crazy's
going on in my head
something crazy, something crazy
but I still want you in my bed
baby i don't mean what I do
I wish that I could change too
I may be crazy
but baby
id be insane without you

A doctor could help to explain
why every time I feel some pain
I inflict you with my wrath
well maybe I'm a psychopath
But I know I need some time, to live and let die
but its all so much
and it makes my head rush

You take heed to my voice
with every other choice
is that how you want our love to be
tell me honestly
everything that is wrong with me

I know...
Well I'm not the same, I'm not the same
I don't want you to fear my name,
I wanna make you feel easy
I aint the one to blame


No, something crazy, something crazy's
going on in my head
something crazy, something crazy
but I still want you in my bed
baby I don't mean what I do
I wish that I could change too
I may be crazy
but baby
I'd be insane without you

Hi Jake

Pretty powerful lyric filled with conflict. Excellent write. Thanks for sharing.

[JakePage]

Cheers Gwyneth, I was just wondering whether I should maybe add another repeat of the chorus somewhere, Its only repeated twice throughout

[Hugozhor]

Interesting lyrics. I like it.

[Eospete]

Nice plot development
I would title it 'something crazy' to avoid patsy cline, gnarls berkley comparisons
I can see the verses and the chorus and there looked to be two different bridges there?
I might have read this wrong.
You might consider a half chorus between v1 and v2. Just the first 4 lines of the chorus as a taster for what is to come. Gets your hook in quickly and makes the chorus second time around more interesting and developed.
Hope the feedback is useful.
P

[JakePage]

Hey Pete (If that's your name)
Cheers for the feedback, I think your'e right about the song title, Ill change it, even though nobodies ever going to see it haha.
You're also right about there being two bridges, It just sounded right as I was improvising and creating it, and it sounds right in the finished version, to me anyway.
By half chorus, do you mean the first 4 lines as in

'Well I'm not the same, I'm not the same
I don't want you to fear my name
I wanna make you feel easy
I aint the one to blame......'

If so, I don't think it would fit between V1 and V2, in terms of sound, if you listen to the link you'll see what I mean, its more of a pre-chorus and so it builds up energy, and I think it wouldn't fit as that energy would just be lost again as I hit into V2.

I appreciate your feedback, if there's anything else you think could be improved just let me know mate...

Cheers, Jake

[Eospete]

I saw this section as the chorus to be honest at least lyrically.

No, something crazy, something crazy's
going on in my head
something crazy, something crazy
but I still want you in my bed

This to my reading of the song was the nub of what the singer wants and would probably sing it over and over if they thought it was going to give the desire outcome. This is the sort of thing I would sing to my lady when we are fooling around.

Might make a nice coda also. Keep working it I'll have another look through and let you know.
Cheers for your feedback on the hymn.
P

[JakePage]

Yea the part that you quoted is definitely the hook, you're right there.
What do you mean by a coda? sorry if it sounds stupid to ask, just don't recognize it as a word...

[Eospete]

A coda is a section an outro often reprises the hook, repeats and fades and often has vocal Adlibs over the end. I understand its purpose is to reinforce the hook whether that is lyrical or musical. I'm just learning as I go. The Beatles used to see how often they could get their hook into a song. That's my general understanding of the term. Regards
P

[stefano65]

A coda is a section an outro often reprises the hook, repeats and fades and often has vocal Adlibs over the end. I understand its purpose is to reinforce the hook whether that is lyrical or musical. I'm just learning as I go. The Beatles used to see how often they could get their hook into a song. That's my general understanding of the term. Regards
P

More, you could sing the concept of the song in the Coda. If your song is for exemple a metaphor about the sense of sadness when someone leaves someone other, you could, in the Coda, sing the easy oncept: "I don't wanna you to leave me, anymore" repeat it three, four, five times, fading with, why not, vocalisms or changes of melodic phrase (Question-Answer in primis). The melody should be that one of the chorus (or the hook if they are different) but this last sentence should be not in the song, before.

The Coda must give a strong sense of ending, a resolution and a summary of the song, so the listners can, in the end, understand without metaphors or other criptic speeches what does the song talks about: you sing clearly what the song means.

But this is not absolutist: this is just another use of a Coda.