[mikebunnies]

Hello everyone,

My name is Michael, I'm 16 years old and I live in Israel.
Throughout my whole life [even though I'm still very young and I haven't seen much] music has always been my passion and a way to soothe my soul.
Last year I felt like I need to get some stuff off my chest and so I began writing which felt really good.
Last song I wrote was in January this year, I tried to write again a few times but I feel stuck , like there's something that is blocking me or stopping my feelings / emotions.
I thought that sharing my songs and getting some feedback - good or bad will help me improve my writing skills and It'll be easier to write again.

"The Unknown" is the second song I wrote , let me know what you think.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Unknown / Michael

No matter if you're young,
No matter if you've grown
You'll always be afraid,
Afraid of the unknown.
 
When your day feels like night
And you run out of air
I will show you the light
I will show you it's there
 
Just forget about your fears
Because you are not alone
I will wipe out your tears
Do not fear of the unknown
 
=========================    
Cause we all have our fears            
But there's the scariest one            
With our hands on our ears              
Don't give up, we're not done                
I'll keep wiping your tears            
The unknown , where's the sun?          
=========================
 
"You are not fighting , why?"
I have no powers "That's a lie!"
Another tear falls of your eye
The unknown , I can't even cry
 
Trying to make you feel better
And I just don't know how
Cause my words doesn't matter
They do not matter now
 
=========================  
Cause we all have our fears            
But there's the scariest one            
We fought together for years            
And we had a really good run                  
But we have wasted our tears            
And the unknown , we are gone          
=========================
 
09/21/2013
© Michael Melichov , All rights reserved.




If you'd like to read more of my songs you can find them here: http://pastebin.com/u/mikebunnies

[onemanband]

Hello Michael,

I think this is a really mature piece of writing, especially considering this is one of your first attempts.

I have a few suggestions..

Just forget about your fears
Because you are not alone
I will wipe out your tears
Do not fear of the unknown

I would change the last two line to..

"I will wipe away your tears
and your fear of the unknown" 

Also I think this line needs tweaking

Cause my words doesn't matter

as it doesn't make sense grammatically at the moment.

I would also consider making the two chorus' the same as well. Just to give the song a little firmer foundation.

Really nice set of lyrics though, I look forward to reading more from you.

[EpiphoneEpiphany]

hey

yeah this is great for one of your first songs, especially when I still remember the really bad lyrics I wrote when I started think you don't have to throw this away like I did with my first stuff, just a few  little changes as onemanband suggested and you're fine

I really liked the first verse and the line "when your day feels like night" in the second verse, that really hit me when reading

good job

EE

[mikebunnies]

Hello Michael,

I think this is a really mature piece of writing, especially considering this is one of your first attempts.

I have a few suggestions..

Just forget about your fears
Because you are not alone
I will wipe out your tears
Do not fear of the unknown

I would change the last two line to..

"I will wipe away your tears
and your fear of the unknown"  

Also I think this line needs tweaking

Cause my words doesn't matter

as it doesn't make sense grammatically at the moment.

I would also consider making the two chorus' the same as well. Just to give the song a little firmer foundation.

Really nice set of lyrics though, I look forward to reading more from you.

Thank you so much , means a lot to me.

I'll pay more attention to my grammar, thank you for pointing that out.

About the chorus , I just wanted to try something new cause basically most of the songs out there feel the same and it's really hard creating something original. I'll try different ways of originality next time.

"I will wipe away your tears, and your fear of the unknown"  
Sounds very interesting, the speaker tries to cheer up his friend by telling him/her that he will wipe out his/her fear of the unknown, It adds some hope to the song.
Thing is, I don't think it'll fit my song because if you'll notice - the speaker is starting to realize that the unknown is too powerful for them to overcome.
- By saying "I will wipe away your fear of the unknown" he is trying to cheer up his friend but he is also lying to him/her.
- By saying "Do not fear of the unknown" he is trying to cheer up his friend and he remains honest - to his friend and to himself, he knows he can't wipe it away.
I feel like ending the song with accepting the fear and being honest about its power builds the song in a more tragic way yet makes it stronger.
Sounds weird and confusing - I know, but my heart "tells me" that this is how the song should go.

hey

yeah this is great for one of your first songs, especially when I still remember the really bad lyrics I wrote when I started think you don't have to throw this away like I did with my first stuff, just a few  little changes as onemanband suggested and you're fine

I really liked the first verse and the line "when your day feels like night" in the second verse, that really hit me when reading

good job

Thank you so much!
"think you don't have to throw this away like I did with my first stuff".
About that, good or bad - throwing your creation isn't the right thing to do.
As you move forward and improve your writing looking at these old creations of you and seeing how much you improved your writing adds a lot of morale and also it's something you should be proud of.

[EpiphoneEpiphany]

you're right about that, I didn't mean it literally, still got my old diaries with old songs

looking forward to reading more from you as well

[mikebunnies]

you're right about that, I didn't mean it literally, still got my old diaries with old songs

looking forward to reading more from you as well

Diaries, that's interesting.
You keep only your songs in there or do you have some other stuff going on there like comments / thoughts regarding your feelings / life / any other private stuff ?
I always wanted a diary, I had a few but I didn't use them - I was too scared to know how I feel , always tried to push these things away.

[swiftie134eva]

I really like this, and if this is a second attempt, well you'll be very talented in a couple of years. I like your style; especially in the first verse when you said that everyone is afraid of the unknown. It made me think of The Fault In Our Stars, when Hazel Grace says 'Oblivion is inevitable', because oblivion is like giving yourself away to the unknown out there.

I liked the 'I will wipe out your tears' line, because it made me feel like the narrator of the song is saying to the person they are singing to that they'll look after them always, and shelter them from this 'unknown'. It was a quite sweet meaning, and I really enjoyed reading this.

Anyway, nice work, I'll look forward to reading your future songs!!

[mikebunnies]

I really like this, and if this is a second attempt, well you'll be very talented in a couple of years. I like your style; especially in the first verse when you said that everyone is afraid of the unknown. It made me think of The Fault In Our Stars, when Hazel Grace says 'Oblivion is inevitable', because oblivion is like giving yourself away to the unknown out there.

I liked the 'I will wipe out your tears' line, because it made me feel like the narrator of the song is saying to the person they are singing to that they'll look after them always, and shelter them from this 'unknown'. It was a quite sweet meaning, and I really enjoyed reading this.

Anyway, nice work, I'll look forward to reading your future songs!!

Thank you very much, honestly I didn't expect to get so many positive comments, it really makes me happy.
I'll try to write as soon as I can, I'm busy lately with school related stuff and I am also looking for a job so I can afford a guitar or even a piano.

[EpiphoneEpiphany]

you're right about that, I didn't mean it literally, still got my old diaries with old songs

looking forward to reading more from you as well

Diaries, that's interesting.
You keep only your songs in there or do you have some other stuff going on there like comments / thoughts regarding your feelings / life / any other private stuff ?
I always wanted a diary, I had a few but I didn't use them - I was too scared to know how I feel , always tried to push these things away.

songs and normal feelings/diary entries as well, I think it's always good to write one 'cause you will have forgotten a lot of what happened in your life when you're older, and it's fun to read how you felt, I'm a bit lazy with writing normal entries though, don't force myself to write entries everyday and don't write down the date of the entry anymore.. but even if it's only once in a few days it's still worth it for me

[mikebunnies]

you're right about that, I didn't mean it literally, still got my old diaries with old songs

looking forward to reading more from you as well

Diaries, that's interesting.
You keep only your songs in there or do you have some other stuff going on there like comments / thoughts regarding your feelings / life / any other private stuff ?
I always wanted a diary, I had a few but I didn't use them - I was too scared to know how I feel , always tried to push these things away.

songs and normal feelings/diary entries as well, I think it's always good to write one 'cause you will have forgotten a lot of what happened in your life when you're older, and it's fun to read how you felt, I'm a bit lazy with writing normal entries though, don't force myself to write entries everyday and don't write down the date of the entry anymore.. but even if it's only once in a few days it's still worth it for me

Can you share some of your songs ? I'd like to read them.

[EpiphoneEpiphany]

you're right about that, I didn't mean it literally, still got my old diaries with old songs

looking forward to reading more from you as well

Diaries, that's interesting.
You keep only your songs in there or do you have some other stuff going on there like comments / thoughts regarding your feelings / life / any other private stuff ?
I always wanted a diary, I had a few but I didn't use them - I was too scared to know how I feel , always tried to push these things away.

songs and normal feelings/diary entries as well, I think it's always good to write one 'cause you will have forgotten a lot of what happened in your life when you're older, and it's fun to read how you felt, I'm a bit lazy with writing normal entries though, don't force myself to write entries everyday and don't write down the date of the entry anymore.. but even if it's only once in a few days it's still worth it for me

Can you share some of your songs ? I'd like to read them.

you can find them in this lyrics section or also after you've clicked on my profile on the left under show posts

[mikebunnies]

you're right about that, I didn't mean it literally, still got my old diaries with old songs

looking forward to reading more from you as well

Diaries, that's interesting.
You keep only your songs in there or do you have some other stuff going on there like comments / thoughts regarding your feelings / life / any other private stuff ?
I always wanted a diary, I had a few but I didn't use them - I was too scared to know how I feel , always tried to push these things away.

songs and normal feelings/diary entries as well, I think it's always good to write one 'cause you will have forgotten a lot of what happened in your life when you're older, and it's fun to read how you felt, I'm a bit lazy with writing normal entries though, don't force myself to write entries everyday and don't write down the date of the entry anymore.. but even if it's only once in a few days it's still worth it for me

Can you share some of your songs ? I'd like to read them.

you can find them in this lyrics section or also after you've clicked on my profile on the left under show posts

thank you.

[mikebunnies]

Hi everyone!
I had some free time today and so I decided to fix a small grammatical mistake which onemanband pointed out. (thank you!)
I had to edit these two lines in a way that won't hurt the idea or the rhythm of the song, hope you guys like it.

Before the edit:
Cause my words doesn't matter
They do not matter now

After the edit:
Cause my voice doesn't matter
it does not matter now