[667poet]

Hey guys asking for feedback to a song lyrics from me thx

verse 1
I will forward but/ something holds me back
Something holds me back/ from going forward and
The feel to wait yeah/ to wait here alone for
You with your bones/can you see me?/but it´s all over yet.
but it´s all over yet/but it´s all over yet/but it´s all over yet

chorus
Hey-feel, feel me falling ja, feel me falling in the deep blue sea
See me falling ja, see me falling in the endless sea

verse 2
This feeling is a gift/ a drift to me
A drift to you /A gift to everyone
It´s completely with /and completely with you
It´s in my head / tried to kill me first but
Now i know it´s true / that drug´s are in my goods
Now i know it´s true / that drug´s are in my goods

verse 3
Look in the mirror / can you see this men?
A men with no feelings / he look quiet nice at first
but of them he is / a lonely psychopath
Can´t sleep cause / my bed is on fire
say something to me / and let us roll /over the world yeah /over the world

[Peppermint]

Hey guys asking for feedback to a song lyrics from me thx

verse 1
I will forward but/ something holds me back
Something holds me back/ from going forward and
The feel to wait yeah/ to wait here alone for
You with your bones/can you see me?/but it´s all over yet.
but it´s all over yet/but it´s all over yet/but it´s all over yet

chorus
Hey-feel, feel me falling ja, feel me falling in the deep blue sea
See me falling ja, see me falling in the endless sea

verse 2
This feeling is a gift/ a drift to me
A drift to you /A gift to everyone
It´s completely with /and completely with you
It´s in my head / tried to kill me first but
Now i know it´s true / that drug´s are in my goods
Now i know it´s true / that drug´s are in my goods

verse 3
Look in the mirror / can you see this men?
A men with no feelings / he look quiet nice at first
but of them he is / a lonely psychopath
Can´t sleep cause / my bed is on fire
say something to me / and let us roll /over the world yeah /over the world

Hello 667Poet,

Welcome to the forum  

You may want to check verse one again as there seems to be a word missing from the first line i think.

You've got a good idea for a song flowing here I believe.
I like the chorus.

Peppermint

[Bernd]

"I will forward" - sounds like 'Denglish' (unchecked dictionary translation).
should probably read "I want to move forward" or something similar.

Good ideas, but the language should be straightened ("You with your bones", "that drug´s are in my goods" ...).

Keep working on it.