[Sonic-r]

Very accomplished arrangement. It takes you by surprise in a couple of places, new layers of sound a subtle shift in melody. And I think the outro does convey the feeling of 'moving on,' starting afresh. Your voice is very good too.

Chris

[dinnerwithgreedo]

Thanks everyone for your kind comments on this song. Obviously the subject matter is a bit of a downer for me but it's good to hear such positivity from it.

All the best
Paul

[becomingtadpole]

Wow, this is good. It does convey the feeling of moving on, just makes me think of a long car journey for some reason. Your vocals are strong, the melody fits it perfectly.

May as well make the best of a bad situation, eh? I'd say enter it, you never know, you may get far

[dinnerwithgreedo]

Wow, this is good. It does convey the feeling of moving on, just makes me think of a long car journey for some reason. Your vocals are strong, the melody fits it perfectly.

May as well make the best of a bad situation, eh? I'd say enter it, you never know, you may get far

I hope so!! I spent £45 on that competition in the end (i entered this and 2 other songs).

[Ramshackles]

I havent been able to listen yet as my speakers are screwung up, but I was just wondering why you entered it in the songwriting contest already if you need to redo the vocals and there are volume issues! - shoulda entered the final final version

[Kafla]

Right Greedo here we go,

Really liked the opening but for me it just didn't go anywhere man. It's overly long and doesn't change at all, no chorus and it needs one , an opening like that needs a huge chorus

Loved the flute but there's no need for it again,

On the plus side your voice records really well and is much stronger than on your acoustic stuff, piano is well cool

The song has potential but I would work on the arrangement and shorten it

[Kafla]

Sorry meant to say as well

Some of your songs are about really heartbreaking topics but I don't feel that always comes across

This sounds positively joyous in places, for me you don't always convey sadness

I hope that makes sense. It's probably just me as I love melancholic songs ( and struggle to write happy ones)

I think you are the opposite, I don't know why but I think you would be good at comedy songs ( not that I am saying for a moment that this is a comedy song!)

Anyway my amateur advice is to write some upbeat happy songs to make us all feel good ( if you haven't already done so!)

[dinnerwithgreedo]

I havent been able to listen yet as my speakers are screwung up, but I was just wondering why you entered it in the songwriting contest already if you need to redo the vocals and there are volume issues! - shoulda entered the final final version

1: Because I'm unable to get it finish before the closing date
2: The cost of entry increases the nearer to the closing date you get and
3: It's a Songwriting Competition. They're not worried about the quality of the vocal and production. The only category where they mark you on your singing is Singer/Songwiter.

[dinnerwithgreedo]

Note to self: never say you don't like one of Kafla's songs ever again.

[Kafla]

No way Greeds, would never be that petty

I just think it starts off sublime and never really goes anywhere

I honestly thunk you can improve that song by writing in a chorus , I would try and change the direction of that song at the chorus point

But hey mate this is more about my taste than anything else

[Kafla]

And come to think of it I do think it's ironic that you said my song didn't change 

But now I am being petty 

I like your songs man honest

I personally get more out if the criticism, makes me want to improve

[dinnerwithgreedo]

And come to think of it I do think it's ironic that you said my song didn't change 

But now I am being petty 

I like your songs man honest

I personally get more out if the criticism, makes me want to improve

Ha. The only issue I had with your review was that you said it didn't change (and be honest... you were being a little petty as you used my words against me. It's exactly what I said about your song). The end of this song is almost completely different from the rest so I really have no idea how you can make that claim.

But hey, it's fine. I've got other songs to try and win you over.

[Kafla]

Yeah mate its does change about 5 minutes in!!!!!

Honestly I hadn't even thought about your review.

I was thinking of what someone else said about entering a song of that length in a competition, I think it's highly unlikely they will listen to anything for that length of time.

I struggled with oh my love to notice when you hit the chorus as well mate so I personally think you need to define your parts a little more, especially for a competition

Listen to the past winners and write a bigger chorus or it won't win

Or forget about the competition and just write for yourself

I hope all this makes sense!

[dinnerwithgreedo]

Yeah mate its does change about 5 minutes in!!!!!

Honestly I hadn't even thought about your review.

I was thinking of what someone else said about entering a song of that length in a competition, I think it's highly unlikely they will listen to anything for that length of time.

I struggled with oh my love to notice when you hit the chorus as well mate so I personally think you need to define your parts a little more, especially for a competition

Listen to the past winners and write a bigger chorus or it won't win

Or forget about the competition and just write for yourself

I hope all this makes sense!

It may be '5 minutes in' but it does change and you said it didn't. It's fine, I expected a bit of backlash from my review of your song. Just didn't think it would be a: unfounded and b: 6 posts long!!!

I agree that is a gamble to put a long song into a competition but I believe this song builds enough to keep whoever is listening to it interested for the duration. Plus they apparently give feedback on every track they listen to so they bloody better listen to it!!!

This song, quite simply, doesn't have a chorus. It doesn't need one. If you want one we'll say the bit that starts 'I can't keep...' is the chorus but I'm not gonna put bells and whistles on it to make it clear 'it's a chorus' as it just wouldn't work.
 I've noticed with quite a few people on this forum that they come across too formulaic. In terms of music structure and even lyric structure. All this does is limit the creative process.

I've entered 2 other songs into the UK Songwriting Contest. 'Back In The Sun' and 'For Orchestra'. I've posted both to this forum so feel free to review them too.

[Kafla]

It's not a backlash! How conceited!

I fully understand and respect your review of my song.

Chill man