[rvines2]

This song is all verse, no chorus. (Still working on that)
And sorry for the long intro

https://soundcloud.com/rick-vines/eloquent-disgrace1

=29s

It is sort of a mood piece.  I just like the progression and feel.

After listening, here are some questions.

1.  What is the song about in one sentence?
2.  What is missing from story?
3.  What is there that seems out of place?
4.  What suggestions do you have for a title?

Brutally honest feedback in encouraged.  THANK YOU!!!!!!

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I'm not the problem or solution
Not the hammer or the nail
Don't applaud me for my courage
Don't defend me when I fail

It's not hard to see the beauty
That you bravely try and hide
Like you're searching for redemption
And the strength to be alive

My salvation is my journey
Friends I meet along the way
I try hard to not hold on
as some slowly drift away

I've got 57 dollars
My guitar and my suitcase
As I head out your front door
In eloquent disgrace

I can see the clouds above me
Feel the pavement at my feet
I hear the sound of Church bells ringing
But they don't ring for me

Your eyes sparkle just like diamonds
But they give your heart away
I can see what you are thinking
But it's better off this way

[hardtwistmusic]

Listening as I type.   Here is how much I think of this song.  It CONSTANTLY evokes memories of hearing "Wild Horses" for the first time.  Beautifully simple, with some complexity to the timing.  I REALLY liked hearing this. 

[mihkay]

Americana?
To my ear....yes. 

But I'm no expert and I don't really listen to lyrics on the first hearing. So I'm basing this on the tune and feel alone. So I cannot answer any of you questions with any ability. Ask an English Professor not a musician. 

Seriously though. It's a lovely chord progression, played in a very relaxed style and the intimate vocal style, simple, but effective melody drew me in to the song.

What you have here is great stuff.  But now into the subjective "What I'd do" area. 

It is missing a traditional "lift" that a chorus or mid 8 would bring. However any other part would have to complement my answer Question 1. 

What I felt was a sense of realisation that a hope was never going to be fulfilled and a mind if not a heart resigned to the fact.

Hope this meandering helps.

Mihkay

[diademgrove]

You've asked for some honest answers to your questions and I'll gladly comply. Although I should say I liked the song, I liked the lyrics and thought you sounded a bit like Townes Van Zandt, which is no bad thing.

So on to your questions: 1. What is the song about? I had two thoughts.

First, your mother's thrown you out because you want to be a guitar player rather than a preacher.

Second, your partner's dying and wants to get married so you walked out.

Both thoughts don't really go with the music but fit the lyrics.

2. What's missing from the story?

If, in your head its neither, then what's missing is the reason you're singing the song.

3. What's out of place?

I wouldn't have used the harmonica solo. It took me away from the words and the melody. The lack of a chorus didn't bother me. I notice the song was live and felt the vocal should have been a little louder in the mix. But that may have been how the recording equipment was set up.

4. Suggestions for a title?

I think the title depends on what the song's about. If you keep the words as they are I'd suggest, 25 May 2014 (Bittersweet valediction).

If you disagree with what I've written feel free to ignore me.

Keith