[hardtwistmusic]

sing4me88 wrote a lyric (turns out it was his first ever post here from long ago) and his imagery and word play triggered a recollection of a song I've been wanting to write for the longest time, and just could never get a foothold on.  This is what I did after reading his lyric.   I ran it by him before posting to make sure he didn't feel I'd plagiarized.  

"THE WHOLE DAMNED SKY'S ON FIRE"

Verse 1.  

From bright blue skies to crimson red,
The mountain consumes the sun.  
Shadows play across your face,
Could you really be "the one?"

Familiar insecurity
Doubts I know so well.
Am I climbing up to heaven's gate
Or descending into Hell?

Am I climbing up to heaven's gate
Or descending into Hell?

CHORUS:  
The sunset dances in your eyes
accentuates desire.
Hurry sundown. Bring the night,
The whole damned sky's on fire.  
A flaming sky to signify
a beginning or a funeral pyre.  

Verse 2.
Angry flames rise to the sky
And the sparks fly higher still.  
From the bonfire we created to
Ward off the night time chill.  

Will love run hot like that fire we lit?  
Should we feed that fire tonight?
In love, there is no certainty.
It's so hard to know what's right.

Hard to know when to turn and run
and when to stand your ground and fight.  

CHORUS:  
The firelight flickers in your eyes
and I'm tempted to inquire.  
Did a chill run up and down your spine with.  
The whole damned sky on fire.  
That flaming sky, does it signify
a beginning or a funeral pyre.  

Verse 3.
You're lying close - in my arms.
As midnight's slowly turning.
The fire dies down to embers now
As love lies slowly burning.  

Will love endure or just burn out?
Like that fire by morning's light?
Sometimes you've  got to risk being burned.
To have a chance to get it right.  

Hard to know when to turn and run
and when to stand your ground and fight.

CHORUS:  

I can't get the vision out of my mind when
The whole damned sky's on fire.  
You lie there sleeping in my arms
Can I provide what you require?
The embers glow - do they represent,
A new beginning or a funeral pyre?  

[Hugozhor]

Hi Hardtwistmusic,

really nice lyrics and I love the title.

Only one verse (exactly the pause "..." in chorus I'm not sure and it doesn't fit in melody.

The sunset dances in your eyes
accentuates desire.
Hurry sundown....   bring the night,
The whole damned sky's on fire. 
A flaming sky to signify
a beginning or a funeral pyre. 

Anyway great one!

Hugo

[PeeJay]

Hi Verlon,

Alot of fine lines in this. Good use of the love/desire and flames/fire analogy (if that's the right word).

The title stands out too!

Nice one,

Phil.

[Gallowglass]

Well first off, congratulations on an incredible title Second off, congratulations on doing something impressive with the 'fire/desire' cliche that people just trot out without second thought. There's a lot of life in this song - not life, but life life, as in reality. It'll strike a chord with a lot of people. That's harder to do than it looks and it's done succintly and thoughtfully - the way it should be.

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi Hardtwistmusic,


Only one verse (exactly the pause "..." in chorus I'm not sure and it doesn't fit in melody.


Hugo

Thank you so much Hugozhor.... 

And you are completely right about that pause. 

I was just lazy and forgot to change the "..." to a comma, for a much shorter pause which fits the rhyme scheme.  And actually, the pause is so short (when it's sung) that I shouldn't even use the comma. 

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi Verlon,

Alot of fine lines in this. Good use of the love/desire and flames/fire analogy (if that's the right word).

The title stands out too!

Nice one,

Phil.

I never really thought about it.  Is it an analogy, or an allegory?  Now I have to go look it up.  NOW look what you made me do.....  You made me learn something. 

Thank you.  And thanks for the input on the song.  ;o)

[hardtwistmusic]

Well first off, congratulations on an incredible title Second off, congratulations on doing something impressive with the 'fire/desire' cliche that people just trot out without second thought. There's a lot of life in this song - not life, but life life, as in reality. It'll strike a chord with a lot of people. That's harder to do than it looks and it's done succintly and thoughtfully - the way it should be.

What a reasoned and well thought out critique.  Thank you so much for the feedback. 

[Sing4me88]

I really like this one. Its quite philosophical and pensive. I love the image of the sunset dancing in her eyes- a great image and one I've never heard before. I also love the ambiguity at the end of the 1st verse as to whether he is approaching the gates of heaven or descending into hell. This is lyrically quite heavy in terms of tone and content yet remarkably easy to read and connect with and it flows perfectly. I'm really curious as to the style that you have in mind and I'd LOVE to hear this one as song

[hardtwistmusic]

I'm really curious as to the style that you have in mind and I'd LOVE to hear this one as song

It's just a matter of me singing it in and finding some internal bridges.  I've got the music all done... just not put together.   I'll let you know when it's done. 

[hardtwistmusic]

Well first off, congratulations on an incredible title Second off, congratulations on doing something impressive with the 'fire/desire' cliche that people just trot out without second thought. There's a lot of life in this song - not life, but life life, as in reality. It'll strike a chord with a lot of people. That's harder to do than it looks and it's done succintly and thoughtfully - the way it should be.

I'm reading through to make sure I didn't miss anything, and I saw that I failed to thank you for such a thoughtful and respectful review.  This review meant a lot to me because it's clear that the lyric connected to a rather deep spot in your mind.  Thank you so much.

[Paulski]

Hi Verlon
Some really good lines in there IMO.
And I that Title/theme is a gem! So much so that I wondered if it could be positioned better in the chorus like placed in the first or last line. Maybe just re-arrange the order like this:

The sunset dances in your eyes
accentuates desire.
Will this flaming sky signify
a beginning or a funeral pyre?
Hurry sundown. Bring the night,
The whole damned sky's on fire!

I also would have liked to see that each chorus started with the same line because it becomes a comfortable spot for the listener (he doesn't have to process new info so he gets a rest so he/she can reflect on what the verses say). But maybe that's just me being lazy...

anyway - good one!
Paul

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi Verlon
Some really good lines in there IMO.
And I that Title/theme is a gem! So much so that I wondered if it could be positioned better in the chorus like placed in the first or last line. Maybe just re-arrange the order like this:

The sunset dances in your eyes
accentuates desire.
Will this flaming sky signify
a beginning or a funeral pyre?
Hurry sundown. Bring the night,
The whole damned sky's on fire!

I also would have liked to see that each chorus started with the same line because it becomes a comfortable spot for the listener (he doesn't have to process new info so he gets a rest so he/she can reflect on what the verses say). But maybe that's just me being lazy...

anyway - good one!
Paul

Each of your suggestions has merit.  It will be awhile before I can "unattach" myself from my love for what I've already written and consider those ideas with a detached objectivity.   For some reason, this one feels very personal to me.... and I'm more attached to it than usual.

[Gwyneth Rose]

sing4me88 wrote a lyric (turns out it was his first ever post here from long ago) and his imagery and word play triggered a recollection of a song I've been wanting to write for the longest time, and just could never get a foothold on.  This is what I did after reading his lyric.   I ran it by him before posting to make sure he didn't feel I'd plagiarized.  

"THE WHOLE DAMNED SKY'S ON FIRE"

Verse 1.  

From bright blue skies to crimson red,
The mountain consumes the sun.  
Shadows play across your face,
Could you really be "the one?"

Familiar insecurity
Doubts I know so well.
Am I climbing up to heaven's gate
Or descending into Hell?

Am I climbing up to heaven's gate
Or descending into Hell?

CHORUS:  
The sunset dances in your eyes
accentuates desire.
Hurry sundown. Bring the night,
The whole damned sky's on fire.  
A flaming sky to signify
a beginning or a funeral pyre.  

Verse 2.
Angry flames rise to the sky
And the sparks fly higher still.  
From the bonfire we created to
Ward off the night time chill.  

Will love run hot like that fire we lit?  
Should we feed that fire tonight?
In love, there is no certainty.
It's so hard to know what's right.

Hard to know when to turn and run
and when to stand your ground and fight.  

CHORUS:  
The firelight flickers in your eyes
and I'm tempted to inquire.  
Did a chill run up and down your spine with.  
The whole damned sky on fire.  
That flaming sky, does it signify
a beginning or a funeral pyre.  

Verse 3.
You're lying close - in my arms.
As midnight's slowly turning.
The fire dies down to embers now
As love lies slowly burning.  

Will love endure or just burn out?
Like that fire by morning's light?
Sometimes you've  got to risk being burned.
To have a chance to get it right.  

Hard to know when to turn and run
and when to stand your ground and fight.

CHORUS:  

I can't get the vision out of my mind when
The whole damned sky's on fire.  
You lie there sleeping in my arms
Can I provide what you require?
The embers glow - do they represent,
A new beginning or a funeral pyre?  

Hi V,

This is a beautiful write. I love it. You certainly capture the attention with your title, it's powerful.  Really well thought out and beautiful lines. I especially love your internal ryhming, really clever and conversational.  In my humble opinion I wouldn't change a thing.  Would love to hear this put to music when you're ready.

Cheers
G

[Paulski]

Hi Verlon
Some really good lines in there IMO.
And I that Title/theme is a gem! So much so that I wondered if it could be positioned better in the chorus like placed in the first or last line. Maybe just re-arrange the order like this:

The sunset dances in your eyes
accentuates desire.
Will this flaming sky signify
a beginning or a funeral pyre?
Hurry sundown. Bring the night,
The whole damned sky's on fire!

I also would have liked to see that each chorus started with the same line because it becomes a comfortable spot for the listener (he doesn't have to process new info so he gets a rest so he/she can reflect on what the verses say). But maybe that's just me being lazy...

anyway - good one!
Paul

Each of your suggestions has merit.  It will be awhile before I can "unattach" myself from my love for what I've already written and consider those ideas with a detached objectivity.   For some reason, this one feels very personal to me.... and I'm more attached to it than usual.

Good plan - and don't overlook the fact that I might be full of s**t - that's been known to happen!!
Paul

[benjo]

 yeah I like this right off

 the title drew me to this
 some really fine lines in this one

 good imagination my man

 nice write