[Kevin j]

sorry haven't posted any lyrics in a good while, been working on the music element lately

i'm not really sure what to call it yet, so for now its going to be called plastic angel, i'd love any suggestion

lyrics came to me late in the middle of the night, hope you like them, please be completely honest and give me as much constructive criticism as you can:)

here is the lyrics,( i'm not going to say what its about at first, i'd just like to see what you think its about.)

intro
The doll you adore, her tears lie on foreign shores
but of course,
you dont want to know, its not why you play here

verse
in your house she holds her lips,
she smiles and shakes her hips,
her, fake, wings, clipped,

chorus
shes a doll in cold clothes,
plastic angel during the shows,
but shes alone, dreaming of home,
alone.... alone.....

verse
feathers fall to the floor,
the glue just glitters more,
she needs an encore,

verse
green vines will gently drape her feet,
from the fruits her feathers reaped,
shes dancing in defeat,

chorus
the vines take her home,
till their lies take a toll,
a bitterness grabs her bones,
alone.. alone..
shes a doll in cold clothes,
plastic angel during the shows,
but shes alone, dreaming of home,
alone.... alone.....

shes a doll in cold clothes,
plastic angel during the shows,
but shes alone, dreaming of home,
alone.... alone.....

outro
The doll you adore, her tears lie on foreign shores
but of course,
you dont want to know, its not why you play here

thanks for reading

[hardtwistmusic]

I haven't any idea what it's ABOUT... but I don't really care.  It engages you intellectually and emotionally right from the start and creates curiousity and feeling. 

Lots of songs I love don't really tell an easily understood story.  (Bob Dylan's "My Back Pages" for instance.) 

I like this a lot, and it sang easily on first read, so it has an easily perceived cadence.  I think it's quite good....

The one nit I have is that I think it gets a bit long.

[Paulski]

Really good write IMO.
I esp liked these lines:

her, fake, wings, clipped, <- the k sounds make it sound clipped!
her tears lie on foreign shores <- or you could say "fall on"
you dont want to know, its not why you play here

These lines, not so much:

she smiles and shakes her hips <- my only image is a doll at this point, so shaking hips doesn't work for me - also I would have rather heard a near rhyme here in the verse. There are no rules of course, but my personal preference is for near rhymes in the verse and perfect rhymes in the chorus

shes a doll in cold clothes <- I already know she's a doll - maybe "she's adorned in" or "She's wearing" but I guess if it's the chorus and you want to remind us it could work.

Obviously what works or doesn't is going to be reader-dependant so ignore everything above if I'm the odd man out.
Nice one!
Paul

[JonnyD]

Really good write - loved 'her, fake, wings, clipped'

Not a fan of the lips/hips rhyme, feels a little forced. Agree with Paul a near rhyme or even no rhyme

The title seems fine as it is in my opinion

Good write

[GTB]

Is it something to do with sex slavery? or foreign brides?  I'm probably way off the mark here but it is a bit obscure, which is not a bad thing though as it really is a very engaging lyric.
GTB

[PeeJay]

Hi Kevin,

I liked this even though i thought it might be about a performer/singer who's not comfortable with her celebrity role. I say 'even though' because i'm not sure if that is what it's about!
I'm thinking stripper now along the lines of 'Private Dancer' by Tina Turner?
Had plenty of good lines in there.
Nice one,
Phil.

[Kevin j]

thanks for all the comments!
its nice to hear what people think its about, and GTB  you got it its about  a women having to please men so she can get by, and this man doesnt really care, he only sees her as a "doll". thats more or less what its about i didnt want it to be too dark, thats why its written kind of cryptically
 
thanks peejay-  you were close enough

thanks rockingsnowman, yeah i'll probably change the hips/lips rhyme, i felt it was a little obvious too as a rhyme. i might keep the title then

thanks paulski- i think i might use that adorned in
and like i said, i think i'm going to change the hips/lips

thanks hardtwist yeah its kinda long, but it can be shortened down easily, right know when i play it it comes in at about 4.20 , so i will probably take half a chorus out or something