'A Little Lost' - demo / work in progess

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C.D.Knott

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« on: May 01, 2014, 09:19:45 PM »
Hi, this is my first post on this forum, a Facebook friend suggested I posted here.

I'm a member of a small songwriting group and we set ourselves monthly writing challenges. This month's challenge / inspiration was a photograph of a bunch of signs (it's the picture on the soundcloud post).

It's a bit if a departure from my regular style of song - aiming for something more 'soulful'. I think it needs a bit more adding (a bridge or a break) to flesh it out?

Anyway, hope you enjoy and any feedback would be greatfuly received.

C.D.

http://soundcloud.com/oldmanknott/little-lost-demo-rough-edit

Darling, can you give me a sign?
Could you point out a direction?
I thought I'd set a course,
But now I think it needs some correction.

Darling, can you show me the way (to blue skies)?
Could you show me the way to a sunny day?
See I'm still a little lost,
Only so many moves I can play.

It's never going to happen,
Help me find my way around,
I keep looking at this map that you gave me,
But I think I've got it upside down.

Darling, we could spend a little time,
Let's head down to sunset beach,
We could get a little lost,
Put ourselves out of reach.

It's never going to happen,
You got to help me find my way around,
I keep looking at this map that you gave me,
But I think I've got it upside down...








onemanband

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« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2014, 09:35:51 PM »
Hey, welcome to th
e forum.

    Really enjoyed this, it has a cool relaxed feel to it.

    Thought the lyric "I keep looking at this map that you gave me,
But I think I've got it upside down." Is really nice and made even better by the melody.

Maybe a little more variation in the guitar licks, although I think thats a problem that will sort itself out if you add a bridge.

There is a really nice song here just waiting to come out.

Thanks for posting.

Good luck.

mihkay

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« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2014, 11:27:59 PM »
Nice work dude.
I'm not really a lyrics guy but I could get right away where you were coming from with the picture.
Tune wise, personally I'd drop the tempo and really lay it back. Really give it that beach in the sun feel (verse 3 /4). The lyrics being directions are almost almost orders (verse 1 /2). A laid back feel could counterpoint that maybe? Sort of yeah honey....I hear what your saying but mellow out and we'll find each other?

Just my opo.

I have no authority or standing here, only opinions. :-)

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2014, 07:59:53 AM »
Listening as I type.   I read your lyrics a few days ago, then came back to check out how they interacted with your music. 

Liked the lyrics and it sang easily.   I REALLY liked the instrumental.  I felt that it was very, very complementary of the lyric and vocal.  This song REALLY grows on you as you listen.  The guitar work is a little unconventional, but for me, that is a huge positive.   

If you can be different without losing touch with our musical expectations, that is a real big positive.   It seems to me that you definitely accomplished that. 
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

C.D.Knott

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« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2014, 09:39:21 AM »
Wow thanks for all the feedback! Has given me some ideas where to go next with this one.

 :)


Jamie

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« Reply #5 on: May 05, 2014, 11:04:31 AM »
Hi, like the verses a lot, I can imagine Eric Clapton singing them filling in with some nice blues licks. The chorus is not a strong as the verses though. Like the guitar. Nice song! Could make it a nice driving bluesy song.
Cheers
Jamie