[Bernd]

you're strong-minded and tenacious
you don't wander, you keep track
the children in your care are precious
you give your shirt off your back

to those who've earned your trust and credit
your love is unconditional
you set ambitious goals and make it
defying those who're skeptical

yet as much as you hate being slack
now illness forces you to cut back

while you rest for a while
try looking back with a smile
upon the days of your past
you would have wished to last
your private five star events
while you rest for a while
try looking back with a smile

heavy head winds can never stop you
challenges are to be met
you'd fight windmills if you had to
better than cop out or fret

as much you hate to be slack
illness forces you to cut back

while you rest for a while
try looking back with a smile
upon the days of your past
you would have wished to last
your private five star events
while you rest for a while
try looking back with a smile

[GTB]

Hi Bernd, a good strong subject here and you'll hit the mark with a lot of people I think.  I was left wondering if this person 'recovers' or if it is the beginning of the end for them - if that was deliberate well done!  I know it's a big question for people during such times.
GTB

[PeeJay]

Hi Bernd,

This has a concise style that puts the story across without any extra flab.

You stick to the theme well and convey emotion.

I'm just wondering if the second verse sounds a bit Limerick-like with the 'unconditional' and 'sceptical' endings? Or is it just me!

Nice one,

Phil.

[Bernd]

Thank you both! It's the "skeptical", I think. A little strained, isn't it? I hope it doesn't spoil the message or effect - or that I'll come up with two better lines to replace the lines in question.

I'm also thinking about scrapping the line "your private five star events". It's only there because I liked the idea so much, but it's actually superfluous. I'll probably also change the first "while" to "as": "as you rest for a while".

Someone suggested "health issues" instead of "illness" - better.

I've written it for my sister. Leukemia, chemo. She's not the type to cut back easily.

Thanks again,
Bernd

[GTB]

"health issues" instead of "illness" - how about troubles?
GTB

[Gwyneth Rose]

you're strong-minded and tenacious
you don't wander, you keep track
the children in your care are precious
you give your shirt off your back

to those who've earned your trust and credit
your love is unconditional
you set ambitious goals and make it
defying those who're skeptical

yet as much as you hate being slack
now illness forces you to cut back

while you rest for a while
try looking back with a smile
upon the days of your past
you would have wished to last
your private five star events
while you rest for a while
try looking back with a smile

heavy head winds can never stop you
challenges are to be met
you'd fight windmills if you had to
better than cop out or fret

as much you hate to be slack
illness forces you to cut back

while you rest for a while
try looking back with a smile
upon the days of your past
you would have wished to last
your private five star events
while you rest for a while
try looking back with a smile

Wow Berndt, an awesome write and delivers the message beautifully.  I can resonate with this 100% because I beat breast cancer 8 years ago.  I think your sister will love it.  Bravo!!!
and off topic
The Manager of a German Band has sent me 2 PM3's to put lyrics to their music (Metal)
I know you are German. I can't really communicate with them as they don't speak English.
Would you like to do the honours and take it off my hands? Send me a PM and I'll send you
the MP3's with their contact details.

Cheers
G