[hardtwistmusic]

I posted this under "works in progress" as an instrumental, then posted the lyrics.  Got a really good response to the instrumental, but no responses at all to the lyric.  I'd like to get a sense of whether it's terrible, or whether everyone had already heard the instrumental so just didn't comment.

BTW... What makes this Anne's Song is that it's based on a musical idea of a good friend named Anne. I was showing her how to use the chord generator, and she sang in one of her lyrical ideas.  Two years later, I took it and modified the chord patterns a little, and liked it a lot.  

The lyric is one I wrote in my head over twenty years ago.... to the tune of a song by the Box Tops from 1969.  The song was "Sweet Cream Ladies."  (Frightfully interesting song btw if you want to look it up)  

Three years ago, I finally got around to writing down the lyric that had never really left my head.  

I tried numerous ideas for this instrumental, then thought of that twenty year old lyric just sitting there, and if fit seamlessly.  

www.reverbnation.com/HTMworksinprogress

Additionally, this lyric is a "parable."  "Parables" follow a specific format.  They confront the audience with an outrageous behavior by "them."  Then, through the telling, when the audience is enraged against "them" there is an increasingly uncomfortable sense that it's actually about "us" not "them."  

This lyric is not about some unspecified "them."  

Anne's Song -   "KILL THE MESSENGER"

If we kill the messenger
when bad news comes a calling.
We will be the last to know
If ever skies are falling.  

If we punish truth,
then all we'll ever hear are lies.
Surely that's a fact we should
accept and realize.  

We push so hard, 
We go so fast,
We lose control and then.  

We miss the turn,
We crash and burn.  
Then we do it all over again.

Blessed is he,  Blessed is he, Blessed is he who will see.  

In a world of broken promises -
a world of shattered dreams.
A world where nothing we are told
is ever what it seems.

Is it our fault for believing them?
Is it their fault for the lying?
Will we just kill the messenger
while truth lies slowly dying.  

We push so hard,
we go so fast,
we lose control and then.

We miss the turn,
We Crash and burn,  
then we do it all over again.  

Blessed is he, blessed is he, blessed is he who will see.  

Blessed is he,   blessed is he,  blessed is he  who will see.

It's a world of compromise.
What's sacred we defile.
A world where cheaters prosper for
at least a little while.  

Is this  world worth the saving or?  
Should we throw it all away?  
It's easy to kill the messenger
When he bows his head to pray?

We'll kill the messenger again
when he bows his head to pray?  

[Paulski]

Hi Verlon
I loved the theme and you serve it well in these lyrics.
I really liked this:

If we punish truth,
then all we'll ever hear are lies.

So true!
A couple of small suggestions - if not too late in the process - so ignore if it is. I would have liked "come to realize" instead of "accept and realize", and (really nit-pickin) when you say "fly so high" isn't there nothing to crash into way up there ?

Nice work!
Paul

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi Verlon
I loved the theme and you serve it well in these lyrics.
I really liked this:

If we punish truth,
then all we'll ever hear are lies.

So true!
A couple of small suggestions - if not too late in the process - so ignore if it is. I would have liked "come to realize" instead of "accept and realize", and (really nit-pickin) when you say "fly so high" isn't there nothing to crash into way up there ?

Nice work!
Paul

The "fly too high" is a statement on "excess" intended to evoke visions of Icarus.  I know it's too far to stretch.... particularly in a day and age when no one knows who Icarus is except us old guys.  Soooooo   I'll have to take your critique to heart unless there is a groundswell of support for that line. 

BTW... with me it's NEVER too late for a lyric change.  I'll listen to a five year old song of mine, and make hand written notes on my lyrics notebook. 

"Come to realize" is where I came FROM to get to "accept and realize" primarily because it fit the tune better.   I'll reconsider going back to that also.  Sometimes, your changes are like the answers you WOULD HAVE gotten right on the test if you hadn't changed them. 

Thanks for the helpful and honest insights.

[BooBoo]

Good lyrics as usual!

[Bernd]

Wonderfully written, there's nothing to carp at. Flows beautifully. Nothing much of a parable, though, since the moral of the 'story' comes right at the beginning - but that's not criticising your lyrics but your introduction to the posting ;-)

Bernd

[Sing4me88]

This is really, really, really clever and really, really, really strong. There is a profundity in the lyrics that I don't think I'd ever be able to achieve myself. At the same time however the lyrics are simple and sincere. I think the ability to achieve profundity through simplicity speaks volumes about your talent.

Love the line about only ever hearing lies if we punish truth and the lines about never knowing if the skies are falling if we shoot the messenger. Really strong opening lines that drew me in right away and the strength of the lyric continued throughout. That chorus is genius IMHO.

What a write! Well done my friend

[Gwyneth Rose]

Hi V

Wow, This is an awesome write. Very deep and resonates with everyone. I love these lines
In a world of broken promises -
a world of shattered dreams.
A world where nothing we are told
is ever what it seems.
Bravo!!

Cheers
G

[benjo]

 hey HTM

 you got a real good set of lyrics there
 it comes across really well good story telling
 good rhyming good meaning good imagery

 all round good stuff really enjoyed that one my friend

 thanks for sharing,

 

[GTB]

Hi there HTM, I saw one of yours on the front page so I homed in and was rewarded with this, another superb write.  I especially like the prechorus (it's alright, it's...) which sounded out loud and clear in my head - I may have to copy that technique somewhere ;-)

P.S. I've been unavoidably distracted from my music (& this forum) for a few weeks but expect to be making a comeback soon and I know I have emails from you to deal with - thanks for your patience).
GTB

[PeeJay]

Hi Verlon,

In a world of lies the spin doctor is king maybe! I have a view that if you turn everything you hear in the news on it's head you would be closer to the truth. Truth has been sacrificed for the 'greater good' - usually meaning bad - and the vested interests of parties concerned i.e. governments, banks, corporations etc. I'm starting to sound like someone who should be labelled a 'conspiracy theorist'!

I thought the lyric was a good read with a strong message.

Nice one,

Phil.

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi Verlon
I loved the theme and you serve it well in these lyrics.
I really liked this:

If we punish truth,
then all we'll ever hear are lies.

So true!
A couple of small suggestions - if not too late in the process - so ignore if it is. I would have liked "come to realize" instead of "accept and realize", and (really nit-pickin) when you say "fly so high" isn't there nothing to crash into way up there ?

Nice work!
Paul

I changed out "We fly so high" with "We push so hard."  Good catch, and I thank you.

[Kevin j]

great set of lyrics, love the theme, the story..... cant really say anything much else,
 

[JonnyD]

Ah fantastic, you had me at the first verse. I honestly can't think of any improvements to make, good write