[GTB]

This hits you from the first line and as I like this kind of stuff I was hooked (I'm often accused of gallows humour in my own stuff).  The twist about half way through is excellent too.
Regarding the flow, well... why not sing it to yourself a hundred times? you'll soon know which words to leave out and what to change :-)
GTB

[Gwyneth Rose]

Hi Gwyneth,

this is really beautiful lyric. I love it and had fun reading this! 

I like this verse

It seems that I go
For the accident prone
Planted four husbands
In the cold ground

Hi Hugo

Thanks so much for the kind comments. Glad you enjoyed it.

Cheers
G

[Gwyneth Rose]

This hits you from the first line and as I like this kind of stuff I was hooked (I'm often accused of gallows humour in my own stuff).  The twist about half way through is excellent too.
Regarding the flow, well... why not sing it to yourself a hundred times? you'll soon know which words to leave out and what to change :-)
GTB

Hi GTB
LOL Thanks for the rave, glad you got hooked from the first line 
Oh I really love this forum it's so full of lovely people like you I'm giving you
a cyber hug right now lol
Yes, that's a great idea, I'll do that. Funny enough the question has come up about the vocalist
who will sing this lyric being a problem. It's been said that she might be perceived as a Maneater, gold digger; and it might be a problem LOL I might end up having to sing it myself hehehehe although so saying there are female vocalists out there that don't give a toss about sweet and innocent image; and the more kick ass her image the better . Just have to find one of those or...sing it myself

[PeeJay]

Hi,

I thought this was really good. Carried the theme through perfectly.

Attractive yet cold. Treat them mean keep them keen with a vengeance!

A cold hearted woman always seems to be a winning formula. Maybe men are masochistic in that sense.

Nice one,

Phil.

[Gwyneth Rose]

Hi,

I thought this was really good. Carried the theme through perfectly.

Attractive yet cold. Treat them mean keep them keen with a vengeance!

A cold hearted woman always seems to be a winning formula. Maybe men are masochistic in that sense.

Nice one,

Phil.

Glad you liked :-) Yes, I think it's the "danger" that attract, you know like most girls like the "Bad Boy", it's the same for men with the "Bad Girl" hehehe