konalavadome

Sex Slave (Bit kinky, not for prudes LOL)

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Gwyneth Rose

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« Reply #15 on: April 09, 2014, 06:18:42 AM »
Hi Alex,
No it's not constructive at all. Just destructive. You tell me you don't like it without offering any suggs  ??? So suggest away, I'm all ears (and eyes) LOL

Sorry... my suggestion is to try to avoid using cliches, and to take a little longer writing your lyrics. Come up with something original and even if it isn't the greatest metaphor in the world, i guarantee it's going to have more impact than something like 'you're hotter than Hell'.

Lighten up buddy. No problem. This really was a fun write, ;D simple and meant to be catchy.  I write for different genres, some are serious and some are light, playful and fun. To be honest I doubt whether theres any words out there that could describe "Hotter than Hell" better than I have.
Unless you can think of something? ???

Oh somebody just told me to go check out Avril Levine's Bad Girl on U Tube which is very similar to this one. So that's what I'm gonna do.
 ;D ;D
Poet and Lyricist always looking to collaborate. Write mostly out the box lyrics in most genres.
Amateur model, painter, love ceramics and sculpture. Make teddy bears, do belly dancing and love gardening especially roses

Gwyneth Rose

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« Reply #16 on: April 09, 2014, 10:41:05 AM »
Bridge
What about something universal that ties the listener into the song
like
We're all locked and chained to our hearts desire
where there's passion there's fire
blah blah etc
It would change the mood allowing you to come back real dirty in the outro


Hi Mickey, thanks for the sugg for a bridge. ;D
I was thinking something along your lines like


Bridge
We’re all prisoners of our heart’s desire
Unlock the passion and fuel the fire
Kindred spirits on a trip of fantasy
Only the fortunate make it reality

and maybe really "Spicing it up" with making this V3 and making V3 into V4. What do you think?
So come on baby
Get on your knees
I know just how
You love to tease
I’ve got the whip
Come beg and plead
Bring it on Bab-beeee
Yeah my ecstasyyyyy
Poet and Lyricist always looking to collaborate. Write mostly out the box lyrics in most genres.
Amateur model, painter, love ceramics and sculpture. Make teddy bears, do belly dancing and love gardening especially roses

Gwyneth Rose

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« Reply #17 on: April 09, 2014, 11:16:35 AM »
Yaaaaaaaaaaay A friend of mine Tony just told me that this reminds him so much of Rhianna's S & M song. And he is so
right!!! Really a fun video and song LOL

Poet and Lyricist always looking to collaborate. Write mostly out the box lyrics in most genres.
Amateur model, painter, love ceramics and sculpture. Make teddy bears, do belly dancing and love gardening especially roses

Stylus

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« Reply #18 on: April 09, 2014, 01:18:51 PM »
I think it is a fun  song  &    I also think  there  is cliche'  in most songs  & that every song ,has a source & comes from  something already done? I think  a lot of comments left on Gwyneths  sexy song
are  a bit unfair......   The title  should be clue  that its a fun song........ :)
                  I like  these fun lyrics  if every song was biblical  & serious  or if every song was the same
there would be  no variety   so this is artistic expression.......creativity. Theres no need to hack away at the roots of creativity...............
                 Well done  Gwneth      Keep that flow  goin................  Stylus :)

Gwyneth Rose

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« Reply #19 on: April 09, 2014, 03:53:07 PM »
I think it is a fun  song  &    I also think  there  is cliche'  in most songs  & that every song ,has a source & comes from  something already done? I think  a lot of comments left on Gwyneths  sexy song
are  a bit unfair......   The title  should be clue  that its a fun song........ :)
                  I like  these fun lyrics  if every song was biblical  & serious  or if every song was the same
there would be  no variety   so this is artistic expression.......creativity. Theres no need to hack away at the roots of creativity...............
                 Well done  Gwneth      Keep that flow  goin................  Stylus :)

Hi Stylus.
Thank you my friend and agree with absolutely everything you just said.  ;D ;D ;D I'm a fun person who is generally in a good mood. I'd much rather have a happy cliche' than a morbid serious depressive view on life.

Thank you so much for coming to my defence. You are my hero!! :-*
 ;D ;D ;DHugs
Gwyneth
Poet and Lyricist always looking to collaborate. Write mostly out the box lyrics in most genres.
Amateur model, painter, love ceramics and sculpture. Make teddy bears, do belly dancing and love gardening especially roses

Sing4me88

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« Reply #20 on: April 09, 2014, 06:12:41 PM »
I'm loving this one.Who doesn't love risque numbers.I gotta be honest though and say I don't really get a rock vibe from this as a 'read'.IMHO this is more suited to a Pop/EDM type uptempo beat- something like Ke$ha or Niki Minaj.In fact the whole lyric seems to suit an artist of that nature.

No problem with the hotter than hell line-sure its been used before but so has a lot of other cliches and lines in many songs.

Chorus is good- simple, repetitive and catchy. The key to it will be getting the right melody and if this is cracked you'll have one hell of a strong hook. I'm not sure what else needs to be said about this one.I'm loving the bridge idea but maybe a short 1/2 line pre might add to the hook and build up to a'big'chorus.

Stylus

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Gallowglass

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« Reply #22 on: April 09, 2014, 08:48:25 PM »
Ah. This is kinky as in 'use a feather,' not the whole chicken. Gotcha  ;D (it's a quote, people)

I'm usually the one to call lyrics generic, but that's only when they can't quite do the job the lyricist sets out for them and these do. Besides, most lines weren't generic - just one or two phrases we've all heard before, not enough to create a problem. I'd have liked, in a song about sex, to hear more of the sights, sounds, smells, and emotions, to create a connection with the listener and to stir that damp, slightly sticky part of their brain into remembering it, but that's more with a mind to radio play and record sales and I'm not sure if you want that for your music. And 'Nothing' by A (literally the most difficult song to Google) is similar to this and does fine in the same, plain-speaking manner.

There was nothing else about it I'd change, it'd certainly be a great addition to my post-gig soundtrack if you got it published ( 8) ). As for the genre it could almost be anything. I'd like to say grunge or punk or rock or metal or any of these, but that's only because a lot of fans well into their sub-genres like kinky stuff. Now that's more mainstream, thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey and the like, the appeal of this song need not be confined to them. I'd personally like to hear it as rock in the same vein as The Pretty Reckless' first album (songs like this) but that's just me.
Band recommendation of the week: Fit For Rivals? False. Renee Phoenix has no rivals.

'She can still hear the Rebel Yell just as loud as it was in 1983' - Thrash Unreal, Against Me!

Gwyneth Rose

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« Reply #23 on: April 09, 2014, 09:39:07 PM »


Thanks so much for the  kind words. Really appreciate the look in. I agree the music is what's going to make or break this song. I do think it's got potential. You know I have 2 music scouts that contacted me on Twitter to hear my best song. Well I don't have one yet. The 2 that musos have put together for me, My Dragon and Hey Hey Bully are okay but not what I'd consider submitting LOL.
Just got to plug away and hope I'll find that muso with the right mesh. Oh well, one can dream. Who knows, maybe it'll still happen hehehe. ;)
Poet and Lyricist always looking to collaborate. Write mostly out the box lyrics in most genres.
Amateur model, painter, love ceramics and sculpture. Make teddy bears, do belly dancing and love gardening especially roses

Gwyneth Rose

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« Reply #24 on: April 09, 2014, 09:41:34 PM »
whip mi !!!!!!!!!!!     ;D ;D ;D ;D

Slave, how dare you appear before me without your leather thong!!!!! Get on your knees!!!!
Time to be punished!!!!!  ;D ;D ;D
Poet and Lyricist always looking to collaborate. Write mostly out the box lyrics in most genres.
Amateur model, painter, love ceramics and sculpture. Make teddy bears, do belly dancing and love gardening especially roses

Gallowglass

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« Reply #25 on: April 09, 2014, 09:43:13 PM »
They have music scouts...on Twitter?  :o

I never before thought that was a thing. I...I'm not sure how I thought they scouted, in all honesty xD
Band recommendation of the week: Fit For Rivals? False. Renee Phoenix has no rivals.

'She can still hear the Rebel Yell just as loud as it was in 1983' - Thrash Unreal, Against Me!

Gwyneth Rose

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« Reply #26 on: April 09, 2014, 09:59:30 PM »
Thanks so much for the great review. Really dig both those songs you linked, but prefer the "A Nothing " most!! Wow, that really rocks. Would love that for this song.  :)
Yes, I didn't want to go too explicit, prefered to leave it more to the imagination LOL I mean these lyrics really are pretty tame, nothing offensive, crude or vulgar, just kinky fun!!

Really? An addition to your post gig soundtrack? Tell me more!!!! Sounds interesting, of course the publishing of this, is still pie in the sky  ;D ;D ;D

Thanks again for the time and effort to review, so glad you like it and wouldn't change anything. That means a lot to me  :-*

Cheers
G
Poet and Lyricist always looking to collaborate. Write mostly out the box lyrics in most genres.
Amateur model, painter, love ceramics and sculpture. Make teddy bears, do belly dancing and love gardening especially roses

Gallowglass

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« Reply #27 on: April 09, 2014, 10:49:37 PM »
It's nothing overly interesting, just after a gig at a place that pays more than peanuts me and the band like to 'recommend' people. Basically cover them. If we put music to this, we could send it to you, then I'll let the lead singer, Ryan, deal with payment and all that. All we'd do is play it, not claim it, and if you wanted us not to fair game  ;D

I'll check the others are up for it, but they did tell me to find artists with songs we could perform, and have said we need a sexual one.
« Last Edit: April 09, 2014, 10:51:46 PM by Gallowglass »
Band recommendation of the week: Fit For Rivals? False. Renee Phoenix has no rivals.

'She can still hear the Rebel Yell just as loud as it was in 1983' - Thrash Unreal, Against Me!

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #28 on: April 10, 2014, 04:25:13 AM »
They have music scouts...on Twitter?  :o

I never before thought that was a thing. I...I'm not sure how I thought they scouted, in all honesty xD

If it's like the "music scouts" on Myspace Music, they "scout" around for anyone with songs, then send them a generic letter telling them that their music is GREATER THAN GREAT, and that if we will only send them $300.00 they can make us a star.  I would suspect it's pretty much the same people. 
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

Gwyneth Rose

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« Reply #29 on: April 10, 2014, 07:10:33 AM »
They have music scouts...on Twitter?  :o

I never before thought that was a thing. I...I'm not sure how I thought they scouted, in all honesty xD

Yeah that's how they scout these days. U Tube and Twitter. I have a fan base of almost 700 fans on Twitter @Gwyneth97 LOL and I'm usually tweeting something about my lyrics,or a song.  My profile shows my Webpage which has some of my better lyrics on it. Problem is it's only lyrics - no completed songs.

So normally after I tweet something interesting (like to Prime Circle a local band here whose music I adore, or Warcrab in the UK- we chat sometimes or one of the other bands I like, I'll tweet the link to their latest song saying something like - "check this latest song out by...... it's awesome." Usually I get some new fans, and now and then a music scout following me back , the last one sent me a msg saying to tweet him my best song - he respresents Univeral and Sony.)Thing is I "m still waiting for my "Best Song" to be done LOL
Poet and Lyricist always looking to collaborate. Write mostly out the box lyrics in most genres.
Amateur model, painter, love ceramics and sculpture. Make teddy bears, do belly dancing and love gardening especially roses