[Gwyneth Rose]

LOL had a lot of fun composing this simple lyric.
Hoping to attract a muso who knows his phrasing!!!
Also what genre here? Pop, Rock, Metal? What do you
think? Am curious to see the feedback, any suggs to improve
the song would be greatly appreciated. 

Why should I
Give you the key
Why should I
Set you free
I like your chains
They suit you well
You’re so sexy baby
You’re hotter than Hell

Chorus
Can’t you see baby
You’re my ecstasy
Never set you free
You’re my ecstasy
Oh yeah my ecstasy


V2
You’re on my mind
Day and night
I get turned on
How you fight
You the object
Of my desire’
You ooze sex baby
You light my fire

Chorus
Can’t you see baby
You’re my ecstasy
Never set you free
You’re my ecstasy
Oh yeah my ecstasy

V3
In my dungeon
I treat you well
You’re my slave
You  like to play
When I’m with you
You blow me away
You my reason baby
Yeah for  living baby
You’re my ecstasy

Chorus out…..



Copyright number:
All rights reserved
BEDU-JEKE-O9S2-BUEG

[mickeytwonames]

Apart from calling the police or social services - you have this song tied up!
A bridge would help the story. How did you get him there? Is he complicit?
I get the feel of a 'French torch song' with a burlesque twist.

[JonnyD]

Good set of lyrics, reminds me of 'Whoever Brings The Night' by Nightwish. In terms of genre I read it as either rock or symphonic metal

I dunno why but I kept wanting to read 'baby' as 'babe', just feel that might flow better though obviously not if it interferes with the melody

[Gwyneth Rose]

Apart from calling the police or social services - you have this song tied up!
A bridge would help the story. How did you get him there? Is he complicit?
I get the feel of a 'French torch song' with a burlesque twist.

LOL - Yep it's a bit hot I agree hehehe. Actually, I was thinking, I don't want to limit this song to a "His Phrasing", a woman could sing it too. A sexy Dominitrix in black latex and stillettos, brandishing a whip springs immediately to mind hehehe. Hmmmmmm a bridge? I'd love a suggestion for one. And where would I put the bridge? Need some help here please    Thanks so much Mickey

[Gwyneth Rose]

Good set of lyrics, reminds me of 'Whoever Brings The Night' by Nightwish. In terms of genre I read it as either rock or symphonic metal

I dunno why but I kept wanting to read 'baby' as 'babe', just feel that might flow better though obviously not if it interferes with the melody

Thanks so much Rocking. Hmmmm I must go check them out, hope the song is up on U Tube. Ok Rock or Metal you say? Cool!!!  Will have to see  when I find a muso to how Baby/babe  sings...
Appreciate your look in and musings 

[hardtwistmusic]

Apart from calling the police or social services - you have this song tied up!
A bridge would help the story. How did you get him there? Is he complicit?
I get the feel of a 'French torch song' with a burlesque twist.

LOL - Yep it's a bit hot I agree hehehe. Actually, I was thinking, I don't want to limit this song to a "His Phrasing", a woman could sing it too. A sexy Dominitrix in black latex and stillettos, brandishing a whip springs immediately to mind hehehe. Hmmmmmm a bridge? I'd love a suggestion for one. And where would I put the bridge? Need some help here please    Thanks so much Mickey

I just assumed it WAS a woman singing this.  It's ALWAYS the women with the dirty minds isn't it?  )  Oooooohhhh.....  That's probably just in MY life.  "o)

[AlexMo]

Again, like your last song, I feel like these lyrics are not particularly well thought out.

'You're hotter than Hell'

'You, the object of my desire'

'You light my fire'

These are all pretty cliche... it feels like you've gone for something that rhymes that's popped into your head rather than working to create an image for yourself. The problem with using something like 'hotter than Hell' or 'you light my fire' is that we've all heard those phrases so many times before that they losing meaning to us. They may have originally been powerful metaphors, but now they're pretty much useless for creating imagery.

Hope that's constructive!

[Jess]

I really hate any line in any song about ecstasy. Like I don't get it.
Rihanna Diamonds: a vision of ecstasy
Katy perry walking on air: you're giving me sweet sweet ecstasy
In fact I googled songs containing the word 'ecstasy' and 82 pages came up (that's like 800 songs)
I just don't get it, I have like an ecstasy-dar when the word really sticks out to me. I don't get it, to me it's just an overused term with no lyrical value.
  sassy song though

[Gwyneth Rose]

Good set of lyrics, reminds me of 'Whoever Brings The Night' by Nightwish. In terms of genre I read it as either rock or symphonic metal

I dunno why but I kept wanting to read 'baby' as 'babe', just feel that might flow better though obviously not if it interferes with the melody

Hey Rocking, I went and checked the song out by Nightwish. Pretty cool song on a depraved way 

[Gwyneth Rose]

Apart from calling the police or social services - you have this song tied up!
A bridge would help the story. How did you get him there? Is he complicit?
I get the feel of a 'French torch song' with a burlesque twist.

LOL - Yep it's a bit hot I agree hehehe. Actually, I was thinking, I don't want to limit this song to a "His Phrasing", a woman could sing it too. A sexy Dominitrix in black latex and stillettos, brandishing a whip springs immediately to mind hehehe. Hmmmmmm a bridge? I'd love a suggestion for one. And where would I put the bridge? Need some help here please    Thanks so much Mickey

I just assumed it WAS a woman singing this.  It's ALWAYS the women with the dirty minds isn't it?  )  Oooooohhhh.....  That's probably just in MY life.  "o)

  Hard, I believe you, but thousands wouldn't hehehehe. Seriously, it could be delivered by either sex

[Gwyneth Rose]

Again, like your last song, I feel like these lyrics are not particularly well thought out.

'You're hotter than Hell'

'You, the object of my desire'

'You light my fire'

These are all pretty cliche... it feels like you've gone for something that rhymes that's popped into your head rather than working to create an image for yourself. The problem with using something like 'hotter than Hell' or 'you light my fire' is that we've all heard those phrases so many times before that they losing meaning to us. They may have originally been powerful metaphors, but now they're pretty much useless for creating imagery.

Hope that's constructive!

Hi Alex,
No it's not constructive at all. Just destructive. You tell me you don't like it without offering any suggs  So suggest away, I'm all ears (and eyes) LOL

[Gwyneth Rose]

I really hate any line in any song about ecstasy. Like I don't get it.
Rihanna Diamonds: a vision of ecstasy
Katy perry walking on air: you're giving me sweet sweet ecstasy
In fact I googled songs containing the word 'ecstasy' and 82 pages came up (that's like 800 songs)
I just don't get it, I have like an ecstasy-dar when the word really sticks out to me. I don't get it, to me it's just an overused term with no lyrical value.
  sassy song though

Yep, the big names singing what sells!!!! Sex, Ecstasy. LOL Glad you like my sassy song 

Cheers
G

[AlexMo]

Hi Alex,
No it's not constructive at all. Just destructive. You tell me you don't like it without offering any suggs  So suggest away, I'm all ears (and eyes) LOL

Sorry... my suggestion is to try to avoid using cliches, and to take a little longer writing your lyrics. Come up with something original and even if it isn't the greatest metaphor in the world, i guarantee it's going to have more impact than something like 'you're hotter than Hell'.

[mickeytwonames]

Bridge
What about something universal that ties the listener into the song
like
We're all locked and chained to our hearts desire
where there's passion there's fire
blah blah etc
It would change the mood allowing you to come back real dirty in the outro

[Gwyneth Rose]

Bridge
What about something universal that ties the listener into the song
like
We're all locked and chained to our hearts desire
where there's passion there's fire
blah blah etc
It would change the mood allowing you to come back real dirty in the outro

Hmmmmmmm I like it. THanks Mickey. Yes I think a bridge would definately give this
song a bit more depth. Thanks for the sugg.

Cheers

G