[Nellie]

Hello everybody! It's been a while since I've been on here, but I'm glad to be back! I wrote this last month I think and would love to know what you think! Feel free to comment and let me know! Thank you for reading.

Tales of me and you

Cold's gone with a warm breath
Newfound smiles and innocence
Are a part of time with you
Rain poured down like in comedies
Fresh bright start on a new scene
Was a matter of time with you

I remember laughing loud
On a road to merry town

So here I walk again with memory in mind
Got future before me and flashbacks around
And the walls are changed, painted new
I miss the old days of me and you

Past hits me like a heartbreak
Takes me back here and then
To mindless hours with you
I watch you laugh like I've never seen
Beauty so rare in a smile mean
While walls stood just for us

I remember screaming loud
On a road to ''broken - proud''

So here I walk again with memory in mind
Got future before me and flashbacks around
And the walls are changed, painted new
I miss the old days of me and you

I miss how easy it was then
Sitting, watching, no regrets
Cause I met you

In an old street breaking through
Many ghosts of fading truth
Where I first met you

And here you go again passing these streets
With flowers in your hand and an empty defeats
You saw the walls change and tried to glue
Cause there's this old tale of me and you

[shortwhat]

Well this is the best written song I've seen in ages! This kept me interested throughout the entire thing, gave a very strong, significant message. And the metaphor with the wall is very clever and took me a while The one thing that I'd say could be improved (if anything) would be the line "You saw the walls change and tried to glue" As the second part is a little vague, (glue what?) just a suggestion could be changing it to 'You saw the walls change from what you knew' if that helps, but that might not work with what your trying to say... Anyway great write!

[Gwyneth Rose]

Hello everybody! It's been a while since I've been on here, but I'm glad to be back! I wrote this last month I think and would love to know what you think! Feel free to comment and let me know! Thank you for reading.

Tales of me and you

Cold's gone with a warm breath
Newfound smiles and innocence
Are a part of time with you
Rain poured down like in comedies
Fresh bright start on a new scene
Was a matter of time with you

I remember laughing loud
On a road to merry town

So here I walk again with memory in mind
Got future before me and flashbacks around
And the walls are changed, painted new
I miss the old days of me and you

Past hits me like a heartbreak
Takes me back here and then
To mindless hours with you
I watch you laugh like I've never seen
Beauty so rare in a smile mean
While walls stood just for us

I remember screaming loud
On a road to ''broken - proud''

So here I walk again with memory in mind
Got future before me and flashbacks around
And the walls are changed, painted new
I miss the old days of me and you

I miss how easy it was then
Sitting, watching, no regrets
Cause I met you

In an old street breaking through
Many ghosts of fading truth
Where I first met you

And here you go again passing these streets
With flowers in your hand and an empty defeats
You saw the walls change and tried to glue
Cause there's this old tale of me and you

I really enjoyed the abstract approach in this lyric. Some interesting lines here.
Thought provoking and made the mind wander...

[tyler71771]

In league with what the others said: I found myself thinking over almost every line. My favorite line would have to be, 'You saw the walls change and tried to glue.' To me this means trying to fix something but having to move on anyway. If that's not what you intended then oh well 

[Jess]

I think this has so much potential: there are some really great lines of imagery and some really abstract ideas. However, I still think many lines could be brought up to the standard of the rest of the song. I'm going to colour code it (obviously this is my opinion) of what is great and what could be improved.

Tales of me and you

cold's gone with a warm breath- brilliant opening
Newfound smiles and innocence
Are a part of time with you
Rain poured down like in comedies- the genre seems a bit random as rain connotes to sadness but comedies are funny, also the song is about romance not comedy?
fresh bright start on a new scene- love how this fits the title's theme of 'tales of you and me, I definitely think there should be more 'film' references to make it more themed like the title suggests
Was a matter of time with you

I remember laughing loud- again I think this line could be more personal
On a road to merry- merry sounds a tad random, merry always reminds me of my grandma getting drunk at Christmas and saying "oh I was a little merry" town

So here I walk again with memory in mind
Got future before me and flashbacks around- I think this bit is really weak, the word 'around' is just so vague and that really frustrates me, I want to know specifically where the flashbacks are
and the walls are changed painted new
I miss the old days of me and you

past hits me like a heartbreak- REALLY powerful line
Takes me back here and then
To mindless hours with you
I watch you laugh like I've never seen
beauty so rare in a smile so mean- love the contrast in this line
While walls stood just for us

I remember screaming loud- seems like a generic filler line, I think it could be more personal (even something like I remember breaking down)
On a road to ''broken - proud''

So here I walk again with memory in mind
Got future before me and flashbacks around
And the walls are changed, painted new
I miss the old days of me and you

I miss how easy it was then
Sitting, watching, no regrets
Cause I met you -love the simplicity of this part

In an old street breaking through
Many ghosts of fading truth
Where I first met you- and this verse is simply amazing

And here you go again passing these streets
With flowers in your hand and an empty defeats
You saw the walls change and tried to glue- seems a little weak, like you cut yourself off mid sentence because you wanted it to rhyme
Cause there's this old tale of me and you

So overall this is definitely your best piece yet, but that doesn't mean you can't make it even better as half the song is great and the other half needs some tweaks. I also think you should play the title out a bit more : TALES of me and you, so tell some tales! I love how you've put the film imagery in verse one but I think it should be continued throughout the song, really play that theme.
All the best,
Jess

[BooBoo]

Definitely your best so far. I completely agree with what Jess has said about some lines needing tweaking but if you do that it could be a brilliant song.

[JonnyD]

Some great lines in here - I agree 'comedies' seemed a bit random... Perhaps 'tragedies' would be better? As well as this 'You saw the walls change and tried to glue' is confusing and seems like you only used 'glue' because it rhymed with 'you'...

'In an old street breaking through
Many ghosts of fading truth
Where I first met you'

This is brilliant

[Nellie]

shortwhat - Wow! Thank you for saying that, it's so kind. I will change it and I really like your suggestion ''from what you knew'' so I might use that, if I can . Thank you very much for your nice feedback and kind words!

Gwyneth Rose - Thank you very much nice lady! I appreciate it

tyler71771 - Hiii! It is the meaning I had in mind when writing it, nice to hear that. Sorry if I end up changing it Thank you for sweet words!

Jess - Hiiii! Thank you for writing your opinion and taking the time to read this!
''Rain poured down like in comedies'' - I don't know how I intended this to be perceived, but the first beginning was meant to be kind of like ''We met and everything's nice now'' so even rain doesn't seem to bother ''us''.
Your story about grandma made me laugh, she seems funny!
''Got future before me and flashbacks around'' - I wanted it to be vague because it's like all of these memories are surrounding me anywhere I go and am.
''I remember screaming loud'' - I like your suggestion here (breaking down), think it fits into the song nicely. I might use it, if I can, of course!
You saw the walls change and tried to glue - yes, I agree. I'm thinking about changing it into ''from what you knew'' as lovely ''shortwhat'' recommended
Thank you very much for telling me what I need to change, I'm thinking about some changes and ways to make it even better now. I appreciate your opinion and am taking it on board. I think the film imagery, unfortunately, was not done on purpose, oh well. Thank you once again Jess! All the best to you too!!

BooBoo - Hiii! Thaaank you very much for saying that and taking the time to comment!

RockingSnowman - I like your suggestion and actually am in between ''tragedies'' and ''comedies'' now. Thank you for nice words and lovely feedback!

[benjo]

 I liked this I thought it was a very nice write
 some good suggestions for you to think over but
 over all lovely writing,

       keep it up

[Nellie]

benjo - Ahhh thaaank you very much!!

[EpiphoneEpiphany]

hey

this is very good

good opening line, nice images and I like the alliteration of "memory in mind" flows really well

keep up the good work

EE

[Nellie]

Hiii EE! That's nice to hear, thank you very much for reading and nice words!

[EpiphoneEpiphany]

sorry for doubleposting

the last two lines need fixing I think as it has already been said
but maybe you could keep the glue line but fix the one afterwards

something a bit like

you saw the walls change/crumble and tried to glue
the broken tales of me and you

hope that helps

EE

[Nellie]

Hi again! It's fiiiine, don't worry Thank you for your suggestion but I do like the way it is now. I might change the ''and tried to glue'' bit to ''from what you knew'' or something like that. Thank you for sharing your opinion, I appreciate it!

[Peppermint]

Agree with BooBoo and Jess a few of the lines could do with being seen to.
But apart from that i agree its one of the best you've written Nellie 

Peppermint