[Bence Poti]

Hi Guys,

I’m Ben, an aspiring songwriter from the UK.
I’ve been making music for quite some time but recently I’ve just realized that I wanted to write songs for commercial purposes, to get them published. For artists, movies, anything.
I’ve just finished creating my first batch of songs with this attitude in mind.
All 5 of them are only guide tracks, including this first one that I’m about to post here.
I will hire a demo singer later at some point but now I’m just looking for feedback in order to be able to perfect them if needed.
So please don’t judge the quality of my vocals!
Also, the quality of the track is not bad I guess, but I intend to get them mixed by a professional studio guy so no need to comment on them (unless there is something you think might be constructive - I use ProTools).

What I’m looking for is your opinion on everything apart from what I just mentioned above.
Melody, structure, hooks, lyrics, made up title, please tell me anything that comes to your mind, really! Please even comment on the grammar as I’m non-native speaker. (In the future I’d definitely like to collaborate with others, including lyricists).

I really appreciate your help here, guys!

Thanks a lot!


https://soundcloud.com/bence-poti/batch-01-staralized



STARALIZED

Come on, we don't have much time
Until the Sun comes up
We need to get out of here
We can't afford to stop

Baby, just get in the car
I'll be right there with you
Let me just grab my guitar
We'll make our dreams come true

Oh-oh
We are leaving this town tonight
And never coming back
Oh-oh
That's how we move and it feels alright
Army of two attack


Won't stop chasing that shooting star (Noo-ooh)
Let's show the Universe who we are (oh yeah-oh yeah)

we're STARALIZED (3x)
yeah


Driving away and singing
A shining melody
I don’t care where we’re going
As long as it’s you and me

This guiding light in the sky
Will keep us on our way
If we beleive and we try
It all will be okay

Oh-oh
We are leaving this town tonight
And never coming back
Oh-oh
That's how we move and it feels alright
Army of two attack


Won't stop chasing that shooting star (Noo-ooh)
Let's show the Universe who we are (oh yeah-oh yeah)

we're STARALIZED (3x)
yeah

Won't stop chasing that shooting star (Noo-ooh)
Let's show the Universe who we are (oh yeah-oh yeah)

we're STARALIZED (3x)
yeah

[hardtwistmusic]

I liked the lyric a lot.  I liked the song, but felt that the lyric is stronger than the music.  Could be that's just that I'm not a fan of the genre.  Couldn't tell if that was it or not. 

As far as your voice, the only thing I didn't like about your vocals was what you did to try to "fix" your voice.  I can't imagine that your natural voice isn't better than the electronicly modified version.  \

THEN, just as I wrote that, your song kicked over to your natural voice and confirmed that your natural voice is excellent AND infinitely superior to the electronically enhanced version. 

[Bence Poti]

Thanks very much for you feedback!

The funny thing is that I've only used the same settings on all the vocals which is a little bit of pitch correction and some delay.
Also, as I mentioned earlier, I would have a professional singer record it.
Nevertheless, thanks for your comment again!

Any other thoughts anybody?

[mickeytwonames]

Best of Luck - I liked it